[Heratbrokengirl]

Hey,

Well im new to the forum so hello to all. I been together with a guy for a year now and it ended few weeks back as he got fed up of the arguments. he ended it on really bad terms through a lot of abuse he swore at me and said very nasty things to me which were disrespectful. we got back together as i wanted to work at it but he wasnt showing any affection then said he doesnt have feelins for me anymore (as u can tell that broke my heart)

he was my everything. we did argue a lot and he did say vile things to me all the time when we argued and i didnt tolerate it at the start but then i did. if we were to argue he wouldnt want to speak for days and would ignore me.

the good times were so great and he gave me a lot but he felt i complained about the relationship which wasnt true.

he was also my first.

i just feel at the lowest point in my life. i was unhappy throughtout the relationship as he said things to put me down but i still love him and want to work at it.

just want to get back together but he clealry doesnt.


just my thoughts.

heartbroken sums it up.

[Ashlee T.]

When we're heartbroken....it's hard for us to see what is real and what is clear to everyone else. A man that talks down to you, disrespects you, swears at you, screams at you, etc........is NOT a man that loves you.

Pretend for a second that you are reading this from someone else who is heartbroken:


He broke up with me. He said awful disrespecting abusive things to me and broke my heart. I begged for him to take me back and he did. Then he never showed me any affection. He made me feel unloved, undesired. Then he told me he doesn't have feelings for me and broke up with me again. I want him back so bad. I know he was mean to me, didn't show me any affection, made me feel bad about myself........... but I love him.

What would you tell this person? What would be your advice to her?

You've allowed yourself over the past year to let your self worth depend on this guy. As long as you were labeled his GF, you felt like you were worth something. Have some dignity hun...some self respect......why on Earth would you want to be back with someone that treated you the way he did? You say "because I love him".....but this is not about you loving him....this is about you NOT loving yourself.

[Heratbrokengirl]

yeah your right.
i just feel that i tolerated so much and i felt at times i wanted to end it but i couldnt as i couldnt hurt him. he has put the blame on me- even so they maybe times where i did pick on lil things but i never ever cheated etc or did something so wrong for him to do that.

i just dont get it.

[Heratbrokengirl]

trying to Private msg you BD - but i cant

[WildChild]

you can't PM unitl 33 posts but you can VM on her profile page.

[Ashlee T.]

trying to Private msg you BD - but i cant

Sorry hun, as WC said you gotta have 33 posts before that feature kicks in.

i just dont get it.

He doesn't love you. And I'm going to stretch here and say that you didn't love him either...you only loved what you thought you had with him. You loved having someone to call your boyfriend. You loved feeling wanted by someone. But you didn't love the person that belittled you, dumped you, played with your emotions, and verbally abused you. You just want to feel wanted...you're almost desperate for it...and that's why you're willing to beg for someone to take you back that treated you like dog doo........ so that you don't have to deal with being alone...being "single". Funny thing is, I've never felt more wanted in my life than when I'm single.

You have to learn to love yourself. He doesn't respect you. He knows you don't respect yourself. He needs to be a part of your past so that you can learn to love yourself, accept yourself for who you are, enjoy being "single", and then be able to TRULY open your heart to someone that deserves it.

[Guest]

A man's perspective....

Having had my heart broken, I can relate to how you're feeling. I also wanted to get back with and work on the relationship I thought I had with my ex.

I agree with wht BD is saying above as I would say similar things from my perspective.

Take some time to be sad, take some time to grieve, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go see what the rest of your life has in store for you.

WE ALL must take care of ourselves first BEFORE we are any good to anybody else. So pick your chin up, eat right, exercise when you can....even a brisk walk outside will help and understand that you are a unique and wonderful being with a purpose in this world.

[Allie602]

I can understand why you want to try to work it out. It's your first and you don't yet know what you should expect from a person in a loving relationship. You accepted what ever he did because you did not know that you had the power to stop him and get rid of him right after he said the first thing to put you down. If you knew how to demand respect and set definite boundaries that no one crosses, you would have dropped him after the first putdown. It happens all of the time when you are inexperienced. But you will live and learn and be loved the way you should be loved. Right now try to put this in perspective, it is one experience that lasted 1 year in your very young life and you have everything good thing ahead of you. You will be able to dissect what happened and why and how to avoid men like this, at a latter time. Right now nurture yourself, keep communicating and resist the desire to contact or let this man back into your life.

Now it is time to heal and you have found WH a community of wonderful people to help you get you through this rough time along with your family and friends. When you are ready, you will be gain some insight and advice from knowledgeable people on what to do and what to say and what red flags to look out for in relationships.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Life is a journey, do you remember a girlfriend you had a few years ago, you thought that she was the bees knees however one day, it just fell apart, changed and now in reflection you can't work out why you thought she was your best friend...

It's learning...about people, connecting with people and finding out if they should or shouldn't be in your life....

Two people that argue all the time can't be good, a man who verbally abuses you can't be good... But how do you know it's love? It's the only one you've had and so it must be... A few months down the track, when you meet someone else that is adorable, you will think the same thing as you did with that girlfriend

Now when you meet someone else, your going to see the difference in what you had to what you have and your going to be loving it....

Smile in that knowing....

There is after all always a new adventure, something better around the corner...

CW

[Heratbrokengirl]

Hiya All,

I guess i didnt make myself clear. He is my first as in he is the first guy i have slept with. he is not my first love. I have met so many people in the past i mean so many and he tops them all he is the best.