[Sarahann31190]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months tomorrow. We have had our fights and such and always gotten through them. This last tuesday we had a very big fight and were close to breaking up. He says he is just tired of the fighting and doesn't know what to do anymore. Just today, when he left my house he left his facebook logged in and I got this weird feeling to look at his messages. I was right...there was a conversation between him and another girl. With him saying he is happy when he's with her and likes her a lot. She told him that she cares about him too. She also has a bf. When I confronted him about this he didn't deny it, he said he does like her. He sees her at school and hang out with her there. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me, but I told him it is going to take a while for me to trust him again. We just got off the phone and he was telling me he just doesn't know what to do anymore, we usually fight about the stupidest things. It's usually him getting mad at me about something I did. Now don't get me wrong I love him very much and want this to work. I'm not ready to give up on things and I don't think he is either. But we both are at a loss and don't know what to do anymore. I need some advice.

please

[Sarahann31190]

Okay so not to mention just a little while after we talked he was back on his facebook saying the same things to her....

[JadedQueen]

My opinion is cut him loose. Even after you discovered his relationship with this other girl he didn't say he would end it and by going right back on facebook to chat with her again is clearly a message that he has no intentions of ending whatever it is he has going with this girl on FB so unless you are willing to accept the fact that he's not yours and yours alone... I'd find someone that will be faithful and true to you. At least he was honest with you when you confronted him about it. If you don't want to give him up I'd suggest taking a "break" until he figures out if he wants to be in a committed relationship with you or this FB girl. If this FB girl didn't have a bf would he be with her or with you?

[cpt2nd]

Reply to Thread Post a reply to the thread: My relationship needs help

Hi, I'm new to all this. Just joined today. Read your post and would like to comment as I know from personal experience of the hurt that this disrespectful attitude that your boyfriend is showing to you, creates. This guy your dating, is shallow and weak and he doesn't know how to love you in the way that you need to be loved. Its not his fault that he's an egg that needs self reassurance by trying to make you jealous by openly flirting with a self confessed ho, he cant help it if he's a sad loser that needs a smack in the head just to bring him to his senses. I mean, how dare he. He should think himself lucky enough to even sit next to you let alone call himself your boyfriend. Like ew! Who the is he anway. And so, just a little secret between us girls. You know what the best punishment is for a dude thats xz#ed with your heart the way he's *#&ing with yours. Just Leave.....its too easy, cut him off at the chase and don't ever look back. It #%*#s thems off no end. He'll be talking about how he lost the only girl he ever loved for years to come...and, may learn a good lesson too.
And, on and end note, its the beginning of the end anway so totaaly get in their first while you still have a little peice of self respect left that you can fight with. And yea, thats all I goto say about that Sarah.

[CandyCloud]

Hi Sarah,

I'm sorry to hear all the troubles you've been having with your boyfriend. That's rough. I know you want it to work out with him, but if I were you, I'd end the relationship. It sounds like a serious relationship and you need someone you can trust, not someone who is on the computer looking for other girls to talk to. But I know you want to be with him, so here's what I would do if you decide you want to hold onto this guy: I would seek relationship counseling for the two of you. Maybe the counselor could shed some light on why you two fight as often as you do and why your boyfriend is showing an interest in girls other than yourself.

[Sarahann31190]

Later that night we talked more about things, I told him I went on his FB again. We both cried about everything and how we're tired of the fighting and want our relationship to work. Now knowing he usually only cries when he really means it, I know he does love me. But time is the only things that is going to tell if he's willing to be faithful to me as I don't trust much of what comes out of his mouth right now.

I sent a message to this "girl" and explained how I felt about the whole situation (he told me he wouldn't care if I did). I didn't say anything in a rude or mean way, because I didn't want to cause any more problems.

I will just have to see how things go and see if he is willing to work things our with me and end things with her. Knowing he sees her at school often and all is going to be difficult, but if I see that things aren't changing I'll be forced to re-look the whole situation.

[Sarahann31190]

Okay, so I need some more input. I'm still having quite a hard time with all of this. She had apparently told him "maybe it's best if we don't talk" but somehow they are still talking. He says he's not "Talking to her" (like going to her and starting conversations but is not ignoring her when she talks to him. Last night we were laying in his bed and his phone rings, it's her, at 11:30pm. Now it was his birthday so maybe she was just calling to say happy birthday, but that late???? It made me very uncomfortable.

Just knowing that they still talk bothers me very much. Since I don't have much trust in him it's hard to believe when he tells me their "thing" is over. I don't think I'm going to be able to move on even a little knowing that they still talk. But how will I know for sure if they even do stop talking or he's just hiding it behind my back.

I'm just at a loss and I don't know what to do...

[tooconfused4words]

It's time to decide what you can do on the long term. Can you handle the relationship with this girl going on while you are together because he isn't showing any sign of cutting her loose. (Saying he isn't contacting her, but talks to her when she contacts him is just weak and shows a lack of ability to take responsibility for himself.)

If you can deal with sharing his time, loyalty and energy (even if it's just emotional), just let it go and ignore it. If you can't, you need to let him go. You could try an ultimatum, but I wouldn't unless you are prepared to walk. Either way, he has put and continues to put you in a very bad position with no real consideration for your feelings.

On the constant fighting over silly things, are you aware that distancing himself from you and picking fights can be signs of cheating...not saying he is, just saying you need to read a bit on the topic of warning signs of physical and emotional infidelity. You may be missing signs...