[williams20]

Hi Ann, I empathize with you for I am in the situation. I have only been married for a year. I found out by accident June 2010. When I asked him about it, he was immediately defensive, started blaming me for trying to find something wrong with our marriage, that I am insecure, jealous and that he can't believe, I am asking him about this. He denied watching porn and was angry with me. On a night out with his best friend, he admitted to his best friend that he watched porn and that I caught him. I just about fell out of my chair. So we move on and go through our life. Last night, as I was working on the computer I accidentally find more porn videos that he had downloaded to the computer. I felt an awful sinking feeling in my stomach. This morning I talked to him about it and again, he was defensive. He said that I am always unhappy, looking for something to be wrong, insecure, jealous and have no self esteem or self confidence. I told him that the reason I feel insecure is because of actions such as him watching porn. When I told him that I felt an awful sinking feeling in my stomach, he told me that it doesn't matter, everything he does gives me a sick awful feeling. When I try to tell him that I am hurt, he tells me that he doesn't know why because he is not cheating on me, so what if he watches porn. And wherever my mind is taking me right now is on me and has nothing to do with him. Sigh...I am thinking about leaving. I think it's wrong and the fact that he puts the blame back on me is very unhealthy for me.

So all I can tell you is this, everyone will give you their two cents and that's all its worth. This is your life and absolutely very precious to you. Evaluate the situation but ultimately, you have to decide if you can live with it or not, how is this affecting you, is this the person you want to be the rest of your life. Good luck and please remember life is too short for you to be miserable and even worse for anyone to disrespect and hurt you. This is your life!!

[stressed]

So all I can tell you is this, everyone will give you their two cents and that's all its worth. This is your life and absolutely very precious to you. Evaluate the situation but ultimately, you have to decide if you can live with it or not, how is this affecting you, is this the person you want to be the rest of your life. Good luck and please remember life is too short for you to be miserable and even worse for anyone to disrespect and hurt you. This is your life!!

Exactly. If you cannot live with this man you don't have to stay, whether you're dating/together/married. One can compromise up to a point. If he does something that turns your stomach inside out every day it's not worth staying, the doubts will only worsen with time, especially when he doesn't find anything wrong with it and obviously won't change (and he doesn't have to, but you don't have to accept it either).

Life is too short and all women are too pretty and sexy to let a man's penis get in the way of their emotional and mental stability. I say leave such guys alone with their porn, their hand and their computer screen, and find a real man who can handle and knows how to treat a woman. He's out there, go and get him.

[BabyGirl]

Of course as WC said, K9 won't solve the problem, though it may give some insight on how big a problem he has ?
Kinda like if someone gets a DUI, they may have to have a Breathalyzer in their car, of course this is used after they get caught Driving while drunk, usually a 2nd time if they didn't learn the first time. It is used as a deterrent and a reminder of what they did wrong.
I'm not saying watching porn is equivalent to Drunk Driving, but if he tries to sneak Porn while on the computer , he will be notified and Reminded it is not "Appropiate Behavior" in your relationship.

As I said if he gets really upset, he may have a serious problem that may need to be addressed and realize that just like Drunk Driving , he is endangering his relationship with you and any Children you may have.

An Addiction is an Addiction and sometimes some people will have to hit Bottom before the seek help. Others can and do learn after the seriousness is brought to their attention.
Just like with Alcohol, no one pours it down your throat, You chose to take that Drink. with Porn , no one is making him watch it. He makes a Choice to watch it.

Hence the possible Intervention that is needed to have him aware of the damages it is doing.

[OregonGirl]

Porn does not always mean there are problems in a relationship.

Nearly everyone masturbates. Everyone likes their private time. Everyone needs some time away from their bf/gf/wife/husband/fiance/lover from time to time.

If you have a healthy sex life and you're happy and satisfied, then he's probably just enjoying his alone time a bit differently than you enjoy yours. Bring it up, but don't get mad. Make sure that HE'S satisfied. Of course he could be watching porn because he's not satisfied in the bedroom. Maybe he doesn't get sex as often as he would like to, maybe the sex isn't as interesting as it used to be. We all know that sex kinda takes a cliff dive after that honeymoon period, but all of these things can be rectified.

Getting mad and fighting is not going to help the situation, it will make it worse and he'll take more and more steps to hide it.

Lay your cards out on the table. All you can do is be open and receptive.

If everything is golden and good, try asking him to share in the experience with you. It's not for all couples, but I know many that have a great time enjoying an X rated flick together.

Edit - Downloading porn can be super bad for your computer too. If you end up being receptive to the idea of him watching it, maybe let him know that it's okay for him to purchase a few dvds. Computers are really expensive to fix and replace. It's just not worth the hassle of downloading porn.

[Knebi Coxby]

Nobody seems to ask what kind of porn. 2 girls, 2 guys, anal, oral or just plain old man-woman. Maybe he has strange tastes. There are many things which can arouse different people, some considered perverted. Have you ever really looked at what he is watching? You might not even like him if you did.

[Guest]

Hi, sorry I am new to this so I dont know how thing really works. Anyway my story is that I 26 yrs old and have been married to my husband for 5 years. I found out he was watching porn constantly on the internet a while back and we had a long talk about everything and he could see how upset and angry I was. He had said he will never do it again I thought that was the end of that. For a while I kept holding back on doing things with him because I wanted him to make it up to me or something and I just felt ugly. He kept telling me how much he loves and want's me in his life and he wants to have kids . So I tried to forget what happenedI and even tried to spice things up with a sexy video/photos for him. Last night I found porn sites and I completly lost it at him and locked myself in the room- haven't spoken to him since. I cant believe he done that again after we talked about it and he promised he wouldn't do it again. I feel as if he has no respect for me and doesn't care if he hurts me. Why didn't he watch the video I made for him?... Am I not good enough anymore. I dont have the need to watch porn nor will I start. I just don't know what to do.

I personally like to watch porn and I am brutally honest to you that porn is something that has vitalized me and I cannot do away with this. Despite the fact porn can corrupt the watcher at times I just want to watch it just to fire my passion. It just intensifies my sensuality and I feel a king tickling all over my body. My boy does not watch porn frequently though he too likes it sometimes. I am urging him to watch it sine it has magic effects on our sex lives

[honesty247]

I personally like to watch porn and I am brutally honest to you that porn is something that has vitalized me and I cannot do away with this. Despite the fact porn can corrupt the watcher at times I just want to watch it just to fire my passion. It just intensifies my sensuality and I feel a king tickling all over my body. My boy does not watch porn frequently though he too likes it sometimes. I am urging him to watch it sine it has magic effects on our sex lives

I wonder what magic effect it would have on your partner or wife's life? Your attitude borders on the high end scale of selfishness, in my humble opinion. For a lot of women, having a porn addicted or porn loving partner has devastating effects. Perhaps if your partner/wife knew of your liking, your sex life wouldn't be quite as magical.
In addition to this, what do we teach our sons about women when we let them think that watching porn is a great idea?

[caster]

Ann is totally over reacting and the advise she's getting here is more damaging to the relationship than him watching porn if she listens to it.

[WildChild]

Ann is totally over reacting and the advise she's getting here is more damaging to the relationship than him watching porn if she listens to it.

Darlin' You're a newbie so I'm going to give you a few words to the wise. We have discussed the subject of porn to death on this site, pro and con.

The simple fact of the matter is that there are relationships being competely destroyed by it. There are men who will masterbate several times a day and never want to be intimate with the woman in their life. Do a search and do some reading about this, you will get quite an education.

Granted there are women (and some men) who simply have no tollerance for porn. Period. But if that is where they are coming from and that is their right. If their SO is not sensitive to that and if it is negatively affecting the relationship, then it is a serious problem - regardless of how much or how it is being used.

Generally our response to this is that porn really isn't a big deal until or unless it affects the sexual relationship or emotional connection. If someone reacts strongly against porn, a caring SO would act to reassure them of their love and attraction, they will work out a compromise or come to an understanding. Some people are simply not able to do so and they need to re-evaluate their relationship.

I used to be positive/neutral about porn, now I am negative/neutral. Why? Because I was with a man who preferred R&R (redtube and rosie) over my horny self and after over two years of sex that consisted of regular bjs, hjs and drop your pants and shove it in once every 6 weeks or so, I said have a nice life with Rosie.

I suggest you do some reading up before you jump into the frey on this one.

[caster]

I don't doubt that it's been discussed to death and my reply was not meant to sum up the subject, but unless she has substantial marital issues and can trace them to him watching porn, I stand by my statement that she's over reacting.