[kayzaleigha]

So, i need to let it all out my system!. Feel free to advise me on what to do.. i'm completely lost!.
For years i have been feeling.. well, not myself. I have suicide thoughts when things get bad, and i have no motivation. Everyday the mountain i climb appears to get bigger and bigger. I was told to go to the doctor's, but i will sound stupid!.
Why am i so down?. Well it all started 2 years ago.. my parents were on the edge of divorce. & after my father attempted to kill my mum.. i rang the police, in fear of what was going on downstairs. with my 3 younger siblings around me crying, i felt trapped. Mum came up and begged me to ring them again & to hurry.. So i did. & dad heard me on the phone. He smashed my phone up & attempted to hit me. The police soon turned up and dad was asked to leave the house, take a walk and cool down. The officers said i over reacted. Ha! mum would be dead if it wasn't for me. when he returned he asked each of us for a hug, i refused.. i was scared and ever since the stupidest little thing i do wrong he relates to then. Everyone seems to be over it and were getting to be a proper family again, but now when they row i get scared and am too scared to go to sleep incase it all kicks off again! Between then & recently there have been 3 deaths in my close immediate family. I have moved from school to college, and lived in spain for a while and having returned to the UK in search of a home, but this isn't home. too small, all my stuff.. gone. i hate it. College is ok, i don't get on with the teachers though. They hate me. along with my ex bestfriend. i don't know what happened but one day she just turned. she took my best guy-friend away from me, and things were starting to look up. but recently whenever i pass her in the corridoor she calls me a sket, slag etc. I was with a boy, the love of my life!. We had so many plans, and this girl ruined them all. She came along & started texting him, and he dumped me. I also found out he cheated.. what a low life!. i fell out with all my friends, because they were messing things up & i wanted him to be happy, so i told them to back off. they still haven't forgiven me. i forgave him, but he's been giving me hassle since. i just wanted to be friends but its making my life a misery. logged onto facebook today. he's now married to my ex best-friend on there. when i saw it, my heart sank. Looks like i'm crying myself to sleep tonight. How can boys be so heartless. Love you one day, hate you the next. make's no sence. i've tried sweet texts, serious chats & confronting him around college. i know i should just give up, but i can't let go of the one person that made me smile & feel like everything was okay. I would kill myself, if i had the guts. the fear of pain is the only thing stopping me, i will never love again. so yeah.. any tips on what to do?.

[WildChild]

I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all this. Does your college have a counseling department? I think you really need to talk to someone who isn't involved in all of this.

Unfortunately many people, when they know you are down, will kick you. You need to learn to protect your self from this. Have your parents been in counseling? You might look into a program like Alcohoics Anonymous for children of alcohlics, even if alcohol wasn't a factor in your family I think they can offer some support and insight into some of the dynamics of your parent's relationship.

It sounds like you are very much adrift and don't feel that you have any support network or family to turn to, no place that is "home". I've been there and know how hard that can be. As a young adult I had a period of time when I was truly alone, all the freinds of my youth had moved or just drifted away, my family had moved away and then mother had died, I was divorced and really alone. I spent many holidays and a lot of time alone even though I worked and was at the university studying. You have to find ways to develop your own support network, even if you are the only one in it.

Forget the ex's - bf and gf, they are history. Wish them well, they probably deserve each other. Give them lots of space, do not try contacting either of them. Period. Work on developing new freindships and connections. If you are in school, you are surrounded by people and by activities and aopportunites to interact.
What interests you?
What would you like to know more about?
Keep an eye out for a lecture, an exhibit in a museum or gallery that relates, a chance to take a couple days class on something that you find of interest. Expand your horizons, develop more interests and make yourself a more interesting person, to yourself and others.

Your parents scared the heck out of you. They probably scared the heck out of themselves too. THe problem with being a parent (I am one) is that there isn't any class, degree, certification or real training for it, or for life really. We learn from the people around us and if they haven't set very good examples, we are left to either repeat their mistakes or invent new ones of our own. Your parents are trying, they are staying together and trying. It might be a really good idea for all of you if you could calmly sit down with them and talk. Tell them how much you love them and want them and the family to be happy. Tell them how much their disagreements and fighting scare and hurt you and what it doing to them and you and your siblings. Tell them what is going on in your life, how you feel and what you are dealing with. Tell them you need some loving support and can they help you? Hearing this from their child may help them make some new choices and it may give them an opportunity to show you that they do love you and care. You have to remember that they are people and people make mistakes - even parent people. We like to think that adults do better than teens but they often don't, at least not all the time.

You are letting all this poison your life and you have to let go of some of it and make some changes so you can move forward.

Do somthing nice for yourself everyday and do something nice for someone else every day too. It will make a difference.

[Laurie F]

i dont know how old you are, but im only 15 and i dont know how seriously you will take this or how much help i can be, but im going to tell you your not alone.
When i was 11 my mum and dad split up and my dad turned violent towards my mum, he even tried to kill her at one point too. She doesnt know he was violent towards me and my brother before the split..
Im also going to tell you that iv considered suicide before too. I used to cut, but then i realised that suicide is the easy option. Life is a total struggle and can be a real most of the time, but there will be something in your life that makes you smile. That thing for me is my best friend You need to find that thing that makes you smile and focus completly on it. Its easier said than done but once you find it, its worth it i promise. The only place you can go is up if you have the confidence and attitude to get there

Like i said i dunno how much help this is, and if youv completly wasted your time reading this, i'm sorry.. i hope this could help in some way though
Everything happens for a reason + everything gets better in time <3

[Hopeless Dork]

I'm sure you feel like you are drowning, and you are seeing your ex as someone that can pull you up... the what could have been's, the way he made you smile... thinking that if you could just sort it out with him it would make everything else in your life better... but I don't think that he can save you at all. No words he can offer will give you the peace you crave from him -- you have to find it yourself.

God knows life has a way of piling things up on your plate where you feel like you just can't breathe from the pressure of it all, and having some sort of solace from it all -- its natural to pine for that. It sounds like you found that solace with this man, and instead of realizing it was YOU that gave yourself that peace and happiness when you were with him -- you are looking to him to make it like it was.

The truth of the matter is its not what anyone else does that makes us truly happy, its how we decide to respond to it. Its so easy to romanticise an ex to the point of sainthood, to only see all the good they brought and shut out the reasons things didn't work out. He wasn't and won't be your savior, you will be.

Life has its adversities, I am facing so many of my own right now... but as long as you are breathing there is hope. No one knows what lays on the other side of the door for us all... we all have an idea... but this is the only life we know of for certain -- so even in its misery at times, you have to find and hold on to the little things that bring you joy.

And if there is none, create some. I fought a serious depression off and made a new life for myself and I can feel the weight of all my new stresses in life trying to pull me back down to where I was before... I have to sometimes make a conscious effort to get out of bed, shower, to face the world when sometimes all I want to do is hide from it.

In order for things to get better you have to just sometimes pretend they are... fake it til you make it as some would say. Get outside, get sunshine, exercise, help someone else that is going through pain or suffering... love someone, something, a pet, a cause, an idea, a family member... and most importantly yourself.

Talk about your feelings, talk about them here if you have no one else, but don't allow yourself to cave in. As bad as things are at any given time, things can be beautiful any minute -- but only if you allow it in.

[Guest]

The ONLY "stupid question" is the one that DOES NOT get asked. Write them down if you have to and DO NOT worry about what your physician thinks. He/She have heard it all before from hundreds of patients they have seen that have similar concerns, feelings, etc. to yours.