[stressed]

How long have you two been together? I see how you had it all planned, but at no point do I see you 'showing him' you had a plan or a surprise for him. He might as well be thinking the same things as you are: "she let me go out with my friends"/"she didn't start anything"/"she's probably not romantic"/"she didn't want to spend the night at my place".

Talk to him about what you had planned and see how it turns out. You can always celebrate this weekend or another day. Vday is just one out of the 365 days of the year

[OregonGirl]

I agree with Stressed. You don't have to celebrate on valentines day for it to be special. Think of all the couples out there who work on valentines day or for some other reason cannot be together that day, they have to choose to celebrate it before or after.

Communication is the key. Tell him you were sad. And most definitely have a heart-to-heart about the size of his bed. You said his apartment was "funky" do you mean it smells bad? Is that from being near the ocean or is it just the (sometimes) disgusting scent of a bachelor pad? There are things you could do, buy him candles, help him clean. Some febreeze and scented plug-ins go a long way. If I'm wrong, sorry. Funky to me just means stinky.

After you move out of your parents house it really is unrealistic to date someone seriously if you've only got a twin size bed. It's just not practical to bring your girlfriend home and ask her to sleep in the bed you most-likely used to wet when you were a kid. (Metaphorically). It's not sexy and it's not comfortable and he should want to make it comfortable there for you since you are his girlfriend. I can understand him wanting you to spend time at his place too, but he needs to grow up a little and start buying big boy toys.

[Hopeless Dork]

I just re-read what I wrote... and caught that I asked if you let him know you wanted to do something 'special'... what I meant by that is specific plans because 'something special' could be interrperated many ways... maybe he thought showing you the car he was going to get and taking you home was something of a treat for the day. Next time let him know specifically... I would like us to go to dinner... or I would like to snuggle at home with a movie for valentines day -- ask for what you want (as long as what you want isnt unreasonable) and ask him what he would like to do too. I think this is a mis-communication, he may not be romantic -- but neither are most of the guys who brought home flowers and gifts and candy last night... but they did it to make their chicks happy -- and actually that very notion is, romantic.

[BabyGirl]

I think most here have said the best advise. Though I would add that you really need to talk with him about his place, his bed, the funk.

Like Oregon Girl said , there are ways to unfunk his place. the next time he asks you to go to the car lot to look at cars, suggest that you go bed shopping. Explain that sleeping in his bed with him is like sleeping in the back seat of a Volkswagen Beetle and both drastically limit the variety of making love and sleeping.

As for the " Missed V~Day " tell him you would still love to " Celebrate" it with him,
Leave the date to him, as in " When You get the New Bed Honey ..."

Offer to go to his place early and set up to make a romantic dinner for him. All the while have a plan to clean his Funk up. Remember to never throw anything of his away ( other than known Trash, like pizza boxes and beer cans ) also do not Rearrange his stuff, just neaten it up .


This is His Cave and certain things are not to be messed with. Once the New V~Day is over and enjoyed.. Let him know that when his place is so nice and welcoming for you, you have no problem sharing his place and yours as " Love Nests".

Then tell him Next Valentines is his turn to " Host it ".

[WildChild]

I don't know, talking to him plainly about the bed and the "funk" is one thing, doing it for him is another. I think cleaning for him would set a bad precedent. He needs to learn to keep his own space clean and that having a smelly, trashy, unwelcoming home will not win a girl's heart or get her into his bed. If he really wants you there, once he understands how much this puts you off, he will take care of it. If he doesn't, that tells you something about his attitude toward the relationship.

Males are perfectly capable of cleaning and doing a good job of it, just as much as woman are. Many choose not to and get away with it and this sets the stage for an unequal relationship with the woman doing the majority of the housework and childcare. He needs to become aware of the need and to do it himself.

Be very to the point, make it hurt a bit, "I'm soooo horny. I want you so much. But my great aunt is visiting so we can't do it at my place. It's too bad your place is such a stinky mess, I can't feel sexy there at all. Oh well, I guess I can handle it myself. Let me know when you get your place cleaned up and get a bed for two instead of one."

Or be silly, use a silly voice, "You know what this place says to me? It says,'I am an island, a landfill island', and this bed, it says,'I sleep alone, all by myself, no room for anyone else'".

[ZAIRA]

Thanks everyone, I guess the deeper issue is that I never tell him what I want, and then I always get hurt when he doesn't get my clues, or realize what i'm feeling.

You're advice was really helpful, im going to talk to him about it. I always kind of new that you had to be really blunt with men, I just always thought some things are a give in.. Obviously I was wrong. Thanks!