[bunbun07]

I just want to know your views about it and how it affects your relationship with your boyfriend. Can't wait to see your opinions and experiences about it!

[jns]

What are your experiences? Is he a perfect gentleman?

[Ashlee T.]

Based on your previous post I get the strong sense that you don't trust your boyfriend, and most likely it's because your gut instinct is ripping at you.

He's secretive with his phone and you've caught him in some lies. Then instead of listening to your gut, you turn around and blame yourself for being "jealous and insecure".

You feel he gets overly defensive with you, which makes you even more suspicious.

So what's the real story? Perhaps you want to find out if other girls who date guys in Fraternities deal with this? Maybe they do. But if so, it's because these guys are college age, they like to party (not all of them, but lots of them), they revolve their social lives around frat parties and frat events in which there are lots of other girls around, etc. It is not, however, an excuse for an unhappy relationship. I work on a college campus, and am a former college student. I know how frats and sororieties work.

It may be time to reevaluate where you are in your life and what is truly important. Perhaps focusing on your studies and your beginning of adulthood is the best opton for you right now instead of spending your time and worry on a fella.

[bunbun07]

Well I'm not saying that having a boyfriend in a fraternity is bad but sometimes, I just feel that he's choosing his friends/fraternity over me. We only meet once or twice a week because we have different schools but those days, the "once or twice a week" thing, is not even sure especially when they have something to do for their fraternity or when they have parties and stuff. I just don't know what to do to overcome this feeling because other than that, he's fine and I know that he's trying his best to balance everything around him (school, family, fraternity, friends,and me). :/

[ItsASecret]

Personally I would never ever be with a guy in a fraternity. Too much bad news written all over it with their drunk nights and "obligation to do ___(insert rude/crude/sexual/immature thing)__". I have never liked party guys so it would be a total no no for me personally.

[ren_07]

I dated a couple of guys in a fraternity.

One I cared for a lot, but he put them before me a lot of the time as well. In fact, his was co-ed so he was even putting the WOMEN before me! Ridiculous right? He took one of the girls to his formal instead of ME who had been dating him for seven months at that point because he didn't want to have to worry about introducing me to new people and just wanted to have a good time with his friends. He did things like this all the time and did not see how it was hurting me/us at all. Very self-absorbed.

The other guy sort of turned our relationship into one the frat was in on. They would always interrupt us when we were hanging out at his place and say obscene things when we were trying to be intimate. Men can be immature in college on their own, let alone when they have several men around them encouraging their behavior. I mean think about it, if you were a college man, what kind of personality would you have to make you want to join a frat? Probably lured by the idea of a crowd to run around with, drink with, be "cool" with, and get women with.

Not to be negative. I'm sure there are frat boys who defy this stereotype, but it depends on the school and the frat itself. My brother goes to Cornell and is in a frat, but he is a total nerd lol they all are. But they still try to do the stunts of the studly men frats regardless. I don't think the movies have it completely wrong with how they depict college fraternities and can see your cause for worry.

[WildChild]

I read a book, Pledged, which the sororities and frats universally hated but couldn't really deny. The author went under cover into the sororities and found that some were pretty good but that in general all the stuff you hear about drinking, drugs, rape, sexual abuses (by both genders), helping members cheat in school and extreme peer pressure was true. It seems they are pretty much run by the student members with virtually no supervision. So its the luck of the draw, you may have a great, supportive bunch or a potential Lord of the Flies kind set up.

When I was in college many years ago my university shut down several for a variety of problems including charges of gang bangs of drunk sorority girls (who may be encouraged not to report it because it would damage the Greek reputation) disorderly behavior, conflicts with campus security, discrimination and it was a mess.

On the flip side I have a relative by marriage who was in a frat not very long ago, who is as far as I have seen a great good young man and a good husband. They attended a smaller university where it may well have been one of the quieter versions of a frat.

[SaharaJim]

My college experience with Fraternaties was over 40 years ago; but was extremely negative. Individually the guys I met were basically your "normal" young college men. Unfortunately the frat's leadership was not influenced by the adult ex-members. It resulted in a group that the judgment and morals were set by the lowest common denominator. "Girls" were viewed as 2 classes; those you married and the rest were "fair game". Uncontrolled drinking and sexual abuse- including "gangbangs" were "common". If you continue dating this young man- be sure which group he considers you to be part of. And NEVER get intoxicated at a "frat party".