[x.beccaroo.x]

Hello

Well,
I have been with my partner for 4 years now and everything is really great.
We're meant to be looking at places together towards the end of the year.
We've talked about our future, marriage and kids and where we see ourselves in a couple of years.
However... he is acting a bit odd. For example:

• Holiday - I suggested we have one holiday together before moving out, he is adament we spend it with our closest friends but I really want it to be us.
• Moving out - Whenever I ask about it he doesn't really talk about it and brings up something else, however he says it definitely will be this year.
• Attitude - He (in himself) seems really distant and jumpy, he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.

Recently however,
It's our anniversary in two months and I keep suggesting where we could go, he suggested a show and said he would sort it and he keeps going on about saving money, he's started a new job that pays so well and stuff and he has money for golf and new clothes but not our anniversary.
I also suggested today about a joint spa/golf weekend so he can play golf, I can be in the spa and we can have dinner and stuff later and he ignored me...TWICE. So now i'm worried.

What on earth is going on??????

[GoodGuy]

Hello

Well,
I have been with my partner for 4 years now and everything is really great.
We're meant to be looking at places together towards the end of the year.
We've talked about our future, marriage and kids and where we see ourselves in a couple of years.
However... he is acting a bit odd. For example:

• Holiday - I suggested we have one holiday together before moving out, he is adament we spend it with our closest friends but I really want it to be us.
• Moving out - Whenever I ask about it he doesn't really talk about it and brings up something else, however he says it definitely will be this year.
• Attitude - He (in himself) seems really distant and jumpy, he tells me all the time how much he loves me and how beautiful I am.

Recently however,
It's our anniversary in two months and I keep suggesting where we could go, he suggested a show and said he would sort it and he keeps going on about saving money, he's started a new job that pays so well and stuff and he has money for golf and new clothes but not our anniversary.
I also suggested today about a joint spa/golf weekend so he can play golf, I can be in the spa and we can have dinner and stuff later and he ignored me...TWICE. So now i'm worried.

What on earth is going on??????

Well he might just be feeling some anxiety over this whole thing. From what you've said alone, I would say that I'm seeing nothing too far from how someone acts when they're about to do something that seems less "safe" to them.

THE BOTTOM LINE however is that he is going forward with everything. I would suggest recognizing it as an anxious moment of his (without calling attention to it as such), and just let him get used to things a little at a time.

People are often creatures of habit, and are so often left feeling less safe when they are on the edge of changing their surroundings.

Looking at the alternatives for you:

• If you worry about it: It wont do you any good, especially since this seems like the closest to an honest reaction as you can get. Instead give him space to be freaked out and act different about everything and anything for a while.
• If you raise it as an issue: This will only serve to make him feel more anxious as he will then react by curbing his responses and spending extra energy in hiding. Resentment might build then. Ignore it for a while and be confident in knowing that either way you win when you get to see his honest reaction to things.

[Guest]

Past or recent behavior is a solid indicator of future performance. His behavior should be a red flag for you. I wouldn't do anything permanent with this guy until you've worked through the issues at hand.

BTW - I found your thread difficult to follow with my eyes while trying to read it.

[oxy-moron]

I agree with Seeker_Advice - the Leopard wont change its spots. He sounds like he may be a bit tight on money as well.
Spending money on his toys= good. Spending money on you = bad.
Not a good sign.

[WildChild]

I agree with what the men have said.

[GoodGuy]

BTW - I found your thread difficult to follow with my eyes while trying to read it.

Yeah, using center aligned text doesn't make your post stylish, it makes it different enough to be hard to read IMO. Go back to left please---it doesn't help to make reading difficult for even 1% of the readers.

[GoodGuy]

Past or recent behavior is a solid indicator of future performance. His behavior should be a red flag for you.

I think this might be an over-simplification. I'm not saying she is over reacting here, it's a valid worry that we all would respond to. BUT remember, she doesn't have a pattern of this behavior outside of the recent dramatic change of moving in. This is a single stimulus and the truth is the past and current behavior seems pretty darn good overall.

Unless you mental-filter out the good and look at this as some indicator of what might happen in the future after moving in. That would be an unwarranted extrapolation IMO and IME. Regarding this move-in, what he's like *before* moving in is no indication of what he's like *after* he moves in. Look at all other examples of anxiety in all our lives.

[miffed23]

I don't see what the issue is here? You're talking about just looking for places to move in together at the end of the year - its May. Maybe I am incredibly laid back... maybe he is and perhaps has become a little relaxed and comfortable within the relationship but this, in my opinion, isn't a reason to not do anything permanent with him. It is a huge step moving in together and he is quite possibly overwhelmed with one minute talking about starting a life together, the next a holiday, the next anniversaries... out of interest how old are you and your partner? If you're a young couple and he has always lived with parents or friends, this will be daunting for him and its reasonable to think that he will have his anxieties.

Chill a little, let him make a bit of effort