[thecute1331]

Ok i am not one to get jealous. It seems i have become jealous over this one simple girl. She is both mine and my boyfriends friend. She has had a long time crush on my boyfriend. He has known her since they were little and only thinks of her as a friend. I however keep on getting mad jealous whenever they talk, say eachothers name, or even hangout. He has offered never talking to her again but i decline knowing that would be wrong though i would like it. I feel like he hangs out with her more then me. I only get to see him on saturdays. Im lucky if i get to see him on fridays. He can however see her whenever he wants since they live so close by. It highly upsets me.

Whenever i try talking about this with him it causes a fight. Now matter how nicely i try to talk about it he freaks out which i don't understand. He always asks who told me they were together. Where were they. What did they say we were doing. Other stuff like that as well. I don't understand this. It hurts so much because it just happened about 10 minutes ago and i can't figure out how to get the fights to stop. How to get this jealousy/pain away from my heart.
Can someone please help / explain it to me.

[Hopeless Dork]

Maybe its less to do with being jealous of her than you think... maybe its more to do with you don't get to spend as much time with him as you'd like. If she has been crushing on him... she's obviously thrown the moves out there to him, or the vibe she's into him -- and she clearly isn't what he wants in that department or he wouldn't be going out with you. Asking someone to quit being friends with someone is never a good idea... it has to be his idea... or its cause for resentment, its also cause for him to dictate whom you can and can't hang out with -- fair is fair right?

Relationships need trust, or they are nothing. But relationships also need communication, compromise and an understanding and concern for ones feelings. Instead of telling him he shouldn't hang out with her, instead of acting jealous of her, instead of acting like he's doing something wrong... lead the communication with the truth of your feelings... that you sometimes get hurt that you don't get to spend as much time with him as you want, and that it stings when she gets to and you don't.

Perhaps the two of you could work on ways to see each other more... and maybe once he realizes, truly understands that its not lack of trust and just more about how you are feeling like a 3rd wheel that he will just choose to naturally curb his associations with her until their friendship cools down to a more normal... seeing a person every now and then and not several times a week, etc.

[thecute1331]

No he is the one who suggested not talking to her any longer. I declined it knowing that it might cause future problems what ever they may be. I've tried asking him plenty of times to hangout when i knew he was free but he always declines. Later in the weeks i find out from other friends that on the exact day i ask him to hangout he is out hanging out with the other girl. Normaly there is one or two more people with them but sometimes not. It really hurts. I ask him why he declines hangout with me and was with them but i never get a straight answer. He always freaks out though i ask nicely. I love my boyfriend to death but it hurts so much. Most of his friends are also my friends so I don't see the problem.

[notbroken]

he sounds like an emotional abuser.

[Hopeless Dork]

Well with the additional info you provided it sounds like he may not be as into this relationship as you are. I wasn't sure why you guys weren't hanging out so much, assuming it was work or school or distance... but if he is able, but chooses not to... thats a whole different issue. When a guy likes a girl he WANTS to spend time with her, sometimes life can make it so they can't spend as much time as they want to -- but if he'd rather hang out with friends when you want to see him, and thats the way it is the majority of the time... he just might not want to be as serious as you are hoping.

[miffed23]

I agree with HD.

Whenever i try talking about this with him it causes a fight. Now matter how nicely i try to talk about it he freaks out which i don't understand. He always asks who told me they were together. Where were they. What did they say we were doing.

I'm not wanting to add to your worries but for someone to fly off the handle when you ask nicely has guilt written all over it in my opinion. Your statement here suggests that he is doing something wrong, either that or he is fed up of people trying to stir things between the two of you. Not wanting to make assumptions, i'd bite my lip, distance yourself and let him show you how much he cares for you.