[morgie1985]

So me and my guy have been seeing each other for 8 months now.. On and off in a realtionship or not. But still hanging out when we are not. Anyways..about a month ago I hung out with this other guy..I didn't do anything with the other guy. He came over, we talked. However he did spend the night. We still did not do anything though. So I thought about it and debated on telling my guy..2 days later I did tell him I hung out with this other person..he wasn't 2 happy but we got over it. So just today I said something to him about how I was feeling about everything with us and that i was sorry for complicatig things always and that i felt i made things worse because of hanging out with this other person and him spending the night and some other stuff that has gone on. Forgetting that I hadn't told him this guy had spent the night. Now he is really mad at me, telling me that i messed up(that is the polite words, our words weren't so nice) and that i lied to him..That he has never lied to me in the whole time we have been hanging out and all this stuff..
So now he says he is giving me time to reflect and just needs time not talking to me..I am worried he is going to end things and i told him that and he said he didn't know yet. Now I just don't know what to do other then give him time.. How can I make things better..what can i do?

[Crystalblue]

I'm confused. You make it sound like y'all have an open, on again off again relationship. You hang out together even if you're not "together". It sounds more like friends with benefits, so why would he be upset. Maybe he's looking for a more serious relationship. You should find a time to talk about what each of you is looking for and set up some boundaries.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What did you do?

In other words, this relationship isn't exclusive in as much as, there appears to be constant "time outs" and in those times you are just friends so what is it a relationship or friendship? That's what I would be asking him, after your reflection, you did nothing wrong from what you've written...if you want things better, frightened he'll leave you, then you want a relationship...

Tell him. Then he has nothing to ever worry about does he.

CW

[morgie1985]

We have dated...but are not right now. We still act like we are together but there is no title or us saying we are together. I do want a relationship with him and have told him that. And I did tell him that I didn't do anything..that I felt guilty and horrible the whole time. I just hate not talking to him and giving him time..It kills me knowing he really might end things..I mean yes, I guess I did lie to him and didn't tell him the other guy spent the night..But I did tell him everything else..I just omiited the spending night part because I knew he would be upset by it.

[Little]

It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

So, you hung out with a guy as a friend and didn't do anything you shouldn't have? Does he have problems with your female friends? What about with your family? It doesn't sound to me that you did anything "out of line," and certainly doesn't sound like you lied about anything! So what's he going on about?

Maybe you should be thankful if he decides to move on. While I may be missing something here, he could be doing you a favor, as he doesn't sound like the most perfect specimen of a man.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But morgie, I think you are missing the point...

Crystal just called FWB's...

Dating leads to a relationship, if that does not develop then it's friends with benefits if you are sleeping with him.

It seems to me that you want the relationship he doesn't he likes it just how it is, when you get too upset, he starts taking you out which makes you happy and once you are happy he goes back to his way, hanging out and sleeping with you, yet he has a nerve to say, hey? You have to be exclusive to me, I however can do what I want.

Is that really worth your heart breaking over?

Stand up for being a woman.... You aren't there to be a FWB's if he wants you, then it's boyfriend and girlfriend given he's peeved and if not? Then go find some other girl you can sleep with whilst living your batchelor life....

CW

[Crystalblue]

We have dated...but are not right now. We still act like we are together but there is no title or us saying we are together. I do want a relationship with him and have told him that. And I did tell him that I didn't do anything..that I felt guilty and horrible the whole time. I just hate not talking to him and giving him time..It kills me knowing he really might end things..I mean yes, I guess I did lie to him and didn't tell him the other guy spent the night..But I did tell him everything else..I just omiited the spending night part because I knew he would be upset by it.

It sounds like you're giving him too much control over yourself. No title, not together means you don't have to answer to him. You have nothing to be guilty about. You could have had hot sex with that other guy the whole night and still, nothing to be guilty about. Really. It sounds like you should look for the kind of relationship that would make you happy. If he wants someone he can manipulate and control, it would be better for you to rethink wanting to be with him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Just to ad

I do want a relationship with him and have told him that.

Then tell him again, if he doesn't want you to be-friend other boys, possibly move on, then he has to be exclusive, with you, girlfriend and boyfriend or else he's history because you are not a door mat..

[BabyGirl]

Most has been already said.
If it were me, I would sit down and have a talk. I would tell him how I feel, I would ask him how he feels. I would point blank ask if we could every be a couple, plan a future and try our best to live " Happily Ever After " ?

If he says No, he's not ready for that kind of Relationship. Then that is your answer. You are not committed to each other, at least on his side. Do not just sit and wait for the little crumbs of affection he may dole out when he's in the mood or doesn't have plans with his friends ( Guys and Girls alike ).

You need to go out be with your friends, (Guys and Girls alike ) and just have some fun and someday the Right guy with the Right attitude will come your way .

You have no Reason to feel Guilty if you had a friend you hang out with stay the night. Guy friend or Not, Anything happen or Not.

Your On and Off Boyfriend has no Right or Reason to be Mad at you . if he has Not claimed you as his Girlfriend or woman he loves. You either are a Couple or Not.
If you were a Couple, I could see his being upset, That is natural to possibly be Jealous, but it also gave him the opportunity to sit down with you, explain his feelings, ask you for yours and then come to an Agreement as to what each of you feel comfortable with, as to friends of the opposite sexes.

If he didn't do that then and there , then he was not committing himself to you or asking you to commit to him.
As someone said, Don't be his Door mat. Don't be his Friend with benefits, you can however be his Friend. Just don't let sex get into the equation.