[RosePetal]

Hi all,

Ad a quick summary; my boyfriend and I are having a long distant relationship. Both of us live with parents and on a reasonable income. We both want to marry next year but problem is he can't save!!

He had a huge loan which he pays monthly takes up around 20% of salary, then a maxed out credit card which he can only pay limit amount, he Ella pay the odd bill at home and insurance etc. With all this into account and around 20% spending money on what he likes he can save atleast 50%

I also recently found out he spent his friends money which he asked him to look after and asked his parents to bail him out.
After two years of being together he hasn't saved a penny!!!!!! He keeps saying next month next month. I also kept his money one month buy after an argument he asked for it back!!

Even when we see each other once every two months I pay 75% of total expenditure and I save 80% of my salary,

I do love him but I'm on the verge of ending it jut because he cant save ice asked nicely I've been strong with my words but he jut can't seem to control his money!!!


Help?!!?!!!!!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, if he is not prepared to budget, save for something important such as the rest of his life with someone, then you've got no chance of him starting anytime soon with even 10%.

Sure, it's a tough world and some people get into more debt than they realise, or more than they can afford to, but for the cost of living.

I don't think you can compare what you save verses what he saves, rather what he spends his money on...

Women statistically are better savers and with youth boys want their cars, toys etc.

What is alarming is he stole from his friend...That speaks volume...a good warning if you like of future if you do marry and deside it doesn't work? What lengths will he go to, to make sure you get nothing? Especially, if you have a baby, will he ever pay child support of play poor...

What "huge" debt did he get into?

The bottom line is his finances are more than yours, but if he's not willing to pay 50/50 when you are together, or not willing to give you 10% savings into an account for your future - this is your future.

[oxy-moron]

Long distance relationships tend to hide a partners rough edges.
You are still seeing his rough points from a distance and that is a bad sign.

Relationships seem to have a magic honey moon period but this usually evaporates -once the novelty has worn off- what you see is what you get. LDRs can last longer but only because you don't see the reality of the other person.
I would think very careful about marriage if I were you- especially if you are under 25.
There are many guys who keep your boyfriends spending habits for life.

How would you feel if he spent your savings on a sports car or boat?
Does he gamble- do drugs- alcohol - have a taste for good time girls?
It is hard to have any idea form a distance.

Be careful.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Given stealing money I agree there Oxy I was wondering the same, addiction to something......

[WildChild]

Only you can decide what to do but if your best friend told you all this about someone she was with, what would you tell her?

[Guest]

I hate to sound judgemental but, I think you have a real problem on your hands. Here is what I would do. For both of you, track every penny for two months and see where it is going. Some people have a way having money fritter away. After 2 months, determine where it is all going. What you will find is, he will not want to cooperate with this tracking plan or, if he does, he will make excuses as to why he spent it. What ever you do, DO NOT MARRY OR MOVE IN WITH HIM UNTIL THIS IS FIXED. If you marry this guy, resign yourself to a lifetime of being broke. I am 52 so I have had the last 30 years to see what happens to couples who fritter away their money. They are broke in their 50's and I have no idea how any of them will be able to feed themselves in the old age given that social security will probably not be there.

[RosePetal]

He took out a loan tees backup buy a car and then sold it and since then he's just been buying things for him and his Bruce who he adores. I would classify him as stealing but more to do with he just borrowed it here an there then realised he's spent a lot of it.

We are both asian and his family know about me so I know es not spending with other girls etc he's no cheat, but he does like to spend he likes to always have a takeaway buy a new watch computer games etc. And recently he had a wedding to go to and he brought such an expensive outfit I don't even know why!!!!!

[RosePetal]

He doesn't drink or smoke or gamble or do anything ridiculous like that as we both are quite religious people. Plus his family told me from day 1 he doesn't save .. I think he feels e can't brethe if he's got no money to save.

[WildChild]

I will repeat what others have said. DO NOT even think of marrying this boy until this is resolved. It may well take counseling.

[Need_advice]

You are undoubtedly in a big problem. huh..

Look, even I live in a very religious n narrow minded society. I understand how difficult it becums wen young boys n girls r tied up in relations widout much consult. Till the kids find out what they want in their partners, its 2 late.

You are in this relationship for quite a long time so its obvious that you like him. N this very care of yours for him is not letting u move away from him. But, remember this doesn't happen wid every1 who in Long distance relationships. You are lucky. N moreover wise. You hav smelled his irresponsible attitude towards life.

This is "Calling". Life has given you a calling. Now its up to you to answer it or ignore it. You decide.. Can you live wid this guy if he stays d same?

Set Yes/No questions n answer them. Example: What makes me love him? Was I happier before I met him? etc. Prepare your own questions and find out If the relationship is worth pursuing. C if his good takes over his bad or vice versa. Think of 10 years from now. Do you c a safe n secured life wid him?

Dont worry about your love n attachments wid him. These attachments disappear once you detach. B a li'l practical while you decide, forgetting your love for a moment.. Remember, He wont change. You cant customize others. He is He. Can you live wid him as he is?

Take time to make out what you want to do. Remember, "If you are morally correct your decision will never let you down." Just...Look around and look beyond.

I dont want to dominate your decision. But if I wer U, I would think n think a lot before spending my life wid a spendthrift.