[sandyrocks]

Hi, my name is Sandy. I'm new to the forum. I wanted to ask about sexuality. I hope this isn't too graphic, but I will warn you now.

I know that I am and have always been attracted to males. I find them romantically attractive as well as (a select few) physically attractive. However, when I am not in an aroused state, I feel an aversion to penises. If I think about penises on a guy I find physically attractive, I'm okay. But otherwise, for example when I try to watch porn, I find that I always end up watching clips of girls fondling because penises and semen are such a turn-off for me. But having said that, I do love making out with guys and having heavy sex as long as it starts out slow. I have never had a boyfriend, and I don't have regular sex, so maybe I'm just not used to penises. But that brings me to my second point.

When I am aroused, I find girls highly physically attractive. I am particularly attracted to breasts and the rear, because I feel I can relate to them in some way, like when I see a girl touching herself I feel turned on in those areas as well. But I am not attracted to vaginas and I find penetration to be a turn off as well. If they've got their panties on, they're fine. I don't find girls romantically attractive at all - I've only had a few crushes (like on my teacher, and on a girl at school) but then again, those had no physical or sexual aspect to them - I just really admired them.

It's as if I have two different arousals, one for males which involves romance, and one for girls, where I'm turned on by girls who are objectified - even though the feminist in me objects to this and later hates myself for finding pleasure in it. I have no fetishes as far as I know. I'm sure I'm not a lesbian, because I don't ever intend to have a relationship with a girl (I don't want to offend anyone, I am just not attracted to them romantically), but then when I find pleasure in girls I'm not so sure. So anyone care to tell me, what is my sexual identity? Or at least suggest whatever you think.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Extra info: something else I realised was that I'm really into non-explicit gay relationships between guys. I found the term for it: "yaoi". Search in google images. Even though I have no part in them, I find them really quite romantic. I love reading male/male slash fiction. Where does that fit in?]

[WildChild]

Sounds like you are more attracted to the idea of sensuality and arousal than to the graphic genital focused male jerk off material. Not that unusual, I think.

[sandyrocks]

Hahaha, you're right! I still don't understand though, if I'm attracted to girls on a sexual level when I'm aroused (I'm not attracted to girls in real life though, obviously because I can't be aroused at the same time as I'm present) why am I not attracted to them at a romantic level? I can't imagine actually enjoying becoming physically intimate with a girl - that thought disturbs me.

[lots1056]

I do not think this is odd at all. In fact, you sounds a lot like me. I have a boyfriend and two daughters. I love him to death and only want to be with him, but I have always fantasized about being with women and loved watching girl on girl porn more than the guy on girl porn. I am not a lesbian and would never think about being in a relationship with a woman, but women are very attractive beings, so why wouldn't they turn me on. The sight of a penis has never turned me on, but the thought of interaction with a penis does!

[Ashlee T.]

When you're watching a female you can put yourself in their shoes, feel what they might be feeling so to speak. Alot of women who watch porn will tell you that it's not the penis, nor the vagina that turns them on....it's the act, the noises, the flesh, and the thought of it being you in that position instead of the actor/actress. For example, show me a picture of a penis and you'll get pretty much no reaction from me. Show me a video of a guy masturbating and I will enjoy it immensely because I can hear him and experience his pleasure. Same goes for women.

Aside from that, women are beautiful creatures. I do think that we are more sexually fluid by nature than most men. I think we have the capability (as some men do as well) to feel aroused by women or to find them attractive and sexy without actually having the desire to have sex with them. We're just awesome like that.

Don't spend too much time worrying about your sexuality. Who needs to put a label on it anyway? Let yourself feel free to feel attraction to whatever it is you feel attraction to, and see where it takes you.

[rcoreyus]

Sexual orientation is much too complex a subject for simple labels. Its fine to like a combination of different things even if there isn't a word for it. Since you enjoy romantic relationships with men (and not women), you can have them. If you like watching naked women as well - thats also fine, I think you will find that most men would be happy to watch naked women with you.

[Mes T]

Oh my gosh you and what, 90% of other women feel like this. Well okay I don't know about the figures, but you know what I mean.

I agree with everything that's been said but I also have a feeling that part of *so many people's* attraction (on some level) to women is in part because of the centuries of objectification of women. They are everywhere. Boobs advertising soda, rears advertising a new Apple product. Seriously. Change it around and use men to do all of these things instead? Sooner or later we would have a complete reversal of the situation... Straight men admitting that they sexually appreciate other men.

That's my opinion in any case!

[rcoreyus]

There have been some studies that suggest that a lot of women are attracted to both men and women, but that most men are only attracted to either men or women. Basically that most men are either straight or gay, while most women have some Bi tendencies.

I have no idea if this is the result of societal pressures or something innate.