[amyjo]

So i was just talking to a guy for about a year. He was really into me but i wasn't sure how into him i was, so we just kinda talked and got to know eachother.. nothing sexual, just getting to know eachother. He seemed really serious about wanting to be with me.. then one random day, he got super mad over nothing and just quit talking to me. I was in shock, i figured he would contact me when he cooled down but he wasnt so i thought he must be really mad so i gave him a few days to cool off. I tried contacting him but he wasnt responding, i didnt know what happened. i did nothing wrong. A week after i had last talked to him, i saw on facebook that he ws now in a relationship with some girl. so i calmly tried to talk to him about it but he just kept saying i was making him mad and he didnt want to talk about it. It didnt make sense at all.

well he was with her for about 3 or 4 months. He didnt speak to me during this time and it hurt because he seemed like he was so into me before, then he just ditched me. well 4 months later, hes still with this girl but he happened to say something to me. So while i had him talking to me, i tried asking what happened with us and he apologized for it all and he said he was still in love with me and such. he just started dating this other girl because i wasnt making a commitment with him. We talked things out and a week later he broke up with his girlfriend. we started talking again and now were dating and have been for about 8 months. its been about a year since he was with this other girl.

he is amazing, he really is the best guy ever. he treats me so good and i honestly know that he would never be with anyother girl or ever leave me, i honestly am his world. i really do know this and everyone aaround can see that. he hasn't talked to his ex since they were together. but when they were together, he lost his viginity to her... they did it 3 times in the 3 short months they were together and other stuff im sure. he hasnt really fully told me. he said it wasnt anything special and she pushed him to do it... which i believe because thats how he is. me and him have been together 8 months and he hasnt tried to get me to have sex and thats good.

but im so mad at him for having sex with that girl. he regrets it and literally feels aweful about it.. but every time i even think about it, it still hurts as if i just found out. Im still a virgin and i dont neccessarily wanna do it right now. It just makes me so mad that he did it with her. he gets so much from people about it because the girl is nasty looking. I feel like i think about it all the time. i try not to, and i dont bring it up around him because i dont wanna upset him. but wen i think about the fact that he did stuff with her, it makes me so upset and hurt. I feel like i could just cry and cry. hes so amazing towards me and i dont hve a fear he will go back to her but it still hurts me so much. i try to visualize him with her, and did he enjoy being with her, did he love losing his virginity to her, and stuff.. i get so worked up over it. i dont feel jealous that he did it with her and not me. but just the idea of him actually being with someone else. he left me for 3 months and had sex. it kills me :'( ... i need help please! why am i not getting over it? he tries so hard to show me how much he cares about me but every once in a while his ex will just pop in my mind. please help me!! why cant i just forget about it. what can i do. helpppp!!

[Need_advice]

Your problem is not a realistic one. You are creating it for yourself. No one can help you for this besides yourself. If you both are really so in love, then give him a chance. Forgive him. By doing this you will not only do good to him but also to yourself. Dont let his past ruin your present.

Dont run away from the fact. The more you try to forget it, the more it hurts you. Accept that this bitter thing happened. Yes, It did happen. But, its okay. Every life has hills n valleys. Never say, "Y this happened wid me?" There r girls wid bigger problems than yours. Think of them. You hav to deal wid this problem more practically. Thats it.

Forgive him n make a habit to ignore past n stress on present for a better life.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When someone pushes someone to the limit, "you knew he was into you" and for one whole year, you didn't know if you were and so, you kept it on a "Friendship level" . Then came the day that he could not take it any more, 1 year and he's got no where, he never will, your not into him and so he moves on.....

Funny, in that, he says who cares to anything, why? Because the person he wanted to be with won't be with him...so who cares....

And so he's pushed to the limit of non-care....

Does that make it your fault? No. Does it really matter? No...

You realised once he left, once you no longer has his attention, once he walked and said enjoy your life, obviously my efforts are fruitless, that you realised that you actually did like him enough after all....But you know, it was all a little late, he tried to move on.....and he was mad, mad because he spent a year trying for nothing.....so he didn't care.

I know of a thousand women that would feel the same, after rejection, who cares......

He didn't do anything wrong, you didn't do anything wrong - what eventuated is that you realised you cared about him after all and so you both are now together....

Sex, is exactly that, you are the person he loves and loved and now you are growing to love him, when the time comes that you two are "intimate" it will be nothing, and I mean nothing like what he had, as that was just being mad and having sex, what you two will have is a bond, intimacy, and love....so the word virgin? To be is exactly that, never bonded, and shared such intimacy as two souls....He hasn't....

Big deal....he had sex....

Imagine someone so in love that after 12 months he's still getting no where? Doesn't that person deserve to try to move on? He did, fortunately, you ended up seeing what he was worth and now you two are together....Let it go.

[lizzardb63]

This is not something that can be changed. What's done is done and it's in the past. Just focus on how lovely he treats you and how happy he makes you. Everyone makes mistakes, and his just so happened to be that, but everything happens for a reason. If he wasn't with that girl for a while, who knows...maybe it wouldn't have ended up as it is. My boyfriend has done things in his past that makes me feel a little uneasy sometimes, but that was in the past and it doesn't directly affect our relationship. He loves me and treats me good, and that's all that really matters.

When you learn to let go of this, you'll see how much more wonderful your relationship will become.

[amyjo]

Chandlers wish... your advice was incredible! thank you so much!!