[T-man]

Hi Ladies, girls and women and gentlemen.

I'd love to know more about emotional depth.

Personally I'm in a very good and healthy relationship and I'm opening up to this girl like I've never really done before and she is to me. To be honest, she has taught me to love again. I really feel an emotional and spiritual connection with her and want it to go deeper so I thought it would be an interesting topic to see how other people have really connected with their lovers. Of course I talk to her about this but I think we could all learn a lot from each other on this topic.

I'm not looking for a solution to a problem so to speak but I'd love to hear your stories on how you connected with your partners before, tips, questions, methods and so on you've used or have been used with you in a good way to create a stronger emotional connection between you and your lover or to help someone open up. Also mistakes, things you hated or things that backfired etc. How have people gotten you to confide in them, trust them, reveal your insecurities, deepest desires and so on.

Looking forward to your thoughts

T-man

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi T-Man perhaps if you start this off, with how for the first time, you have been able to have an emotional connection with someone, and how it has changed you, made you feel etc, people can connect a bit better to your questions because it would be an interesting thread.

[T-man]

It's kind of hard to put into words right.

I think for me, when you have that kind of connection with someone the symptoms are easy to describe. Being very comfortable in their presence, opening up to them, trusting them, loving them etc. But how do we get to that point. Sometimes it just happens but other times it needs a little help right.

I think the first step for me is to really listen to a girl. If she feels she's being listened to and is important she's more likely to open up.
Asking the right questions but I don't know all of them.
Then to accept everything. (something I'm far from perfect at) But we often build an image of someone and date the image instead of the person. But if we just accept who the person is it brings us closer or moves us away!
Reciprocate, give as much as she gives if not more.
Sex - good sex, making it more than just sex.
Respect & trust
never criticise, try understand (again far from perfect on this)

These are my ideas I guess, but of course it's harder to put these into action than to type them and I'm still learning. Trust for example, how do you trust someone? You just do. But that ain't easy.

As for a story. I'm currently living in Japan. A place where public signs of affection are frowned upon as it's considered gaudy and uncouth and where there is such huge societal pressure on Japanese here to conform. I remember one of my first dates with my current girlfriend. We had a quick bite to eat and then I took her down to this local park, a small park on an island in the river surrounded by a massive city. About the only little place to get a little peace. It was late, and I spread a blanket out on the grass and we sat down(one of these don't walk on the grass kinda parks). Then we lay down and just relaxed and kissed and talked and starred at the 4 stars we could see through the city lights. People were watching us or walking past of course but she just relaxed and trusted me and went with it and opened up. She never has a problem showing affection in public and I admire her for that, given the situation. That was possibly the night where we started to get really comfortable with each other. We were in a slightly unusual and risky place(I know, sounds so normal for us though!) and trusted each other.

Love to hear other stories, thoughts, questions etc.

[Crystalblue]

Wow! Deep topic. Going back almost 11 years to when I first met my husband. Anyone believe in love at first sight? Lol. I was lucky enough to meet him in a group we kept going back to. It takes me awhile to get to know people and even longer to open up to them. I compare how I get to know people to playing poker. I like to get a feel for people and learn their tells before I show them what I have.

He started out with asking me about myself and having a few conversations with me here and there, showed some interest in how I was doing and any problems I was dealing with. I'm a stick to myself kind of person, so he really had to work for it. I would play hackie sack and juggle off by myself a lot of the time, and him and his friend started getting in to playing hackie sack with me, so that helped with me relaxing and opening up. Hackie sack was the key to my heart. Lol. You can't play and not joke around and have fun.

After that, he started inviting me out to play pool a lot. Not dating, just going out with a smaller group. We got to be pretty good friends, hanging out everyday by then. Then, when he did ask me out, I told him no. Lol. I wasn't looking for a one nighter, which was the type of guy he was. I told him that we were good friends and I didn't want to ruin it.

I think the main thing that helped me open up to him was spending so much time together. That, and he would come right out and ask me personal questions. He had a habit of putting me on the spot. I bought him a book call What If..., and it was filled with all sorts of questions that really made you think about who you were. We still have the book sitting out.

When it comes to being able to just relax and talk about personal issues, I still have a hard time with it. It seems like it took me forever just to be able to tell him I loved him. It was like the typical guy, girl senariose had been reversed for us. He never stopped showing me warmth, friendship, and love though. By then, if he had been looking for a casual fling, he had already invested way too much time. Lol

[Seniora]

What's "hacky sack"? That's an interesting story Crystallblue. It proves the importance of FRIENDSHIP in love and romance - yes, I always liked to be friends with a man first before I would trust him. As to the original question/comments on this thread from T-man, I agree with CW that it needs reframing. I'm not comfortable with some of the things eg. "tips on things you have used..". It sounds vaguely manipulative to me. Sorry. I just think these things happen spontaneously and there's no need for 'tips' of any kind. Also, I feel a tinge of 'control' in these original comments - it leaves me feeling uneasy.

[Crystalblue]

Hackie sack- you kick a little ball filled with sand or beads around and keep it from hitting the ground. I started out playing by myself but soon had a circle that took up most of the parking lot, sometimes 15-20 people. I haven't played in awhile. Last time I played I was wearing my shape up shoes with the curved sole and I rolled my ankle and busted my...elbow.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I really feel an emotional and spiritual connection with her and want it to go deeper so I thought it would be an interesting topic to see how other people have really connected with their lovers.

but I'd love to hear your stories on how you connected with your partners before, tips, questions, methods and so on you've used or have been used with you in a good way to create a stronger emotional connection between you and your lover or to help someone open up. Also mistakes, things you hated or things that backfired etc. How have people gotten you to confide in them, trust them, reveal your insecurities, deepest desires and so on.

I think emotions and spirituality play a big key role in relationships being successful and I don't mean religion just that deep connection with life itself and all that surrounds it.

When we are older, I think we look for something different than when we were younger, we want, need, understanding, communication, lust, trust, respect, equality, be able to talk about anything, anytime, share, be loved, touched for no reason, bond, party, feel young, have dreams, goals... I don't think when we were younger, we accepted a femine side to a male, that he has emotions, can cry, needs to be loved as well, told he looks handsome, feel the love.

To me it's in the eyes, they connect to your soul and you can read alot when you look into someone's eyes including trust, honor, truth. Body language in addition is a great thing.

To allow someone to totally be themselves, totally, to me provides emotional depth everyone searches for, it's in the knowing you are free, you can be you 100% never fear, and in that you allow yourself to be you and your partner ,themselves . There is a depth of love and emotions that comes from that.

[T-man]

Thanks for you're comments.

Some of you are far more eloquent than I am ;-)

It is good to hear other people's understanding of what a connection is and what other people need and want. And of course, we need to learn from other people's experiences and mistakes too. Don't have time to make them all ourselves.

Thanks for your thoughts
T-man