[Lizz]

Last summer I was getting my medical screening done because I was accepted into Dental School. That was when I found out that I had Hepatitis B. Everything in my life changed, for the worse. The school could no longer accept me, so I had to change majors. It really hit me hard because I've always been really passionate about my career.

I soon found out that I acquired this from my mother as a child, back when hep b vaccines were not mandatory at birth. My father feels really sorry and helpless while my mother just laughs at what has happened and told me just to deal with it. She said it's not her fault that I'm like this; which really hurts because...I know she did not intentionally give this disease to me but the fact that she acts like she doesn't care or apologize hurts. No one else in our family knows what happened to me as my parents refuse to let others know. People think I changed majors because I couldn't handle dental school (they think I took a semester and quit). None of my friends know, besides my best friend. I'm venting on this forum because I don't want to always feel like a burden and I have no where else to turn. The thing that hit me the most was my ex and I had to break up because of my condition.

My ex and I were together for 5 years, and have known each other for 7 years and we really thought we were each other's soulmate. He started to become a hypochondriac about two years ago, and when we found out about my condition, we broke up. He got tested and test results came back negative for hep b. I initiated the break up because I knew he can't handle being with someone that has this disease and did not talk to him for 3 monthes. (The disease is contagious if one has not gotten their immunizations). He kept trying to call me and insisted we try to work through this to see if he can overcome dealing with someone that has hep b and I gave in. Over the past year he has been improving, he is usually afraid to go out to eat, has all these anxieties about germs, but this year he was getting a lot better. He told his cousin he is starting to accept the fact of being with someone with my condition. Then a few weeks later he started getting depressed and finally told me he doesn't think he can be in a relationship with someone like me anytime in the near future. He said he came to realize he can't keep hurting me, giving me false hope...yet at the same time he said I'm going to stay right here and continue to try to overcome this while you can just go out and do whatever, find other guys.

I feel like I'll never get over him...and him saying things like that just makes it worse.
I had initially told him last year that if we can't work through this I would rather just cut all ties with him, as it hurts too much to stay friends and see him with someone else. We both consider each other best friends...but I don't see how we can just remain friends, when we will always feel something more for each other...He says it's not right for me to cut ties...I don't understand why he wants to stay in contact, wants to call me everynight...when it just hurts more, isn't it just better to try to forget...

I am just at a lost for words, I feel so broken, so numb and dead inside...with school, my family and now I feel like I've lost the one person that I can always turn to. It's all so much for me to handle and I just feel like my world has come crashing down on me.

This is the most ridiculously long post ever. Sorry for spilling my whole life on here, I wouldn't be suprised if no one replies.

[jns]

Do you have chronic Hepatitis B? Is there nothing the doctors can do to rid your body of this infection? About 1 in 6 are chronic carriers (350 million worldwide) out of 2 billion plus who have had the disease according to Wiki.

[Lizz]

Yes I have chronic hep. b. because I was born with it. The only thing the doctors can do is monitor my liver through bloodwork every 6 months. People who acquire the disease in their adulthood are usually able to fight off the infection or have already been vaccinated.

I know there are lots of people in the U.S. that have this disease and don't even know it. But, it hurts to know...the one you love cannot be with you because of your condition. Even if the doctors have already reassured him that as long as he's vaccinated there is a slim to none chance that he will acquire this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There is nothing wrong with venting and welcome to the Forum

You know? He has a condition too. It's called a phobia. Mysophobia, or the fear of germs, refers to an unhealthy fear of contamination. If he suffers from mysophobia, everything becomes overblown. If he continues down this path, then he may even become OCD, and suffer social phobia and even become reclusive.. So don't think that it is "YOU" because love defeats all odds, it's his own condition that is stopping him being with you.

Hep B is not the end of the World, I'm sorry you have to change paths in career but you know? You can sit back and work out what else you "would have been" what else you love, a passion and aim high to the sky with it... And, if your boyfriend has mysophobia? Then look at what the outcome would be years down the track, above... Would you want to live with a recluse, someone with OCD, someone whom doesn't want to go out? I'd say no So, I understand 5 years is a long time sweetheart but now you will find someone whom will love you un-conditionally and that is what you need.

Your Mother maybe hiding behind her guilt, in-other-words, feeling it but not wanting to feel it, and so laughs it away.. Don't take it to heart as much as that would have hurt.. Don't blame her either, it happened and now you have to deal with it but the thing is? It's not the end of the world, you are a bright person, a good person and so move on with your life in all the right directions and you'll find happiness in a new career and with someone who loves you un-conditionally....

[Lizz]

Thanks for the encouragement. I hope I will find someone that is able to love me unconditionally. It's the fear of openning up to someone about this and being rejected again that kills me...I keep hoping he will one day get over this when realistically it seems impossible.

I was also wondering is there anyway to help him with his phobias? His mom and I have tried patiently to let him deal with this. Everytime we try to push him out of his comfort zone, by just a little, he ends up getting worse and ****ed off. He refuses to go get therapy or any sort of help. His mom has asked me time and time again she doesn't know what to do or what she did wrong to have him suddenly act this way.