[laguy]

I am male in my early 30s. I think I am normally emotionally stable.

But breaking up is still devastating. My last relationship lasted one year and I spent one year dwelling and very sad over the breakup.

It seems to me like most guys easily move on to new relationships. I cannot and even when I try dating my depressed mood shows through, and obviously that is not attractive.

I am wondering if this is abnormal.

[Seniora]

This is a very interesting post. I agree with WC, but by the time we are 30 we should be starting to have more stable, lasting relationships - not merely "dating" - and I think this is what laguy is driving at. Try and work out exactly what you think went wrong - write it down, or write down things which didn't seem to go so well - just to make sure that YOU are not the problem. This will help you to move on a feel secure about the future. I had a major breakup when I was 22 and was devastated for years. I realized it was mainly my fault - the boy was good-looking and I was deeply insecure and possessive. We just weren't right together, but didn't realize it until 3 decades later!! Interestingly, 2 years ago I located him on Facebook and he went to see my sister who worked at the same TAFE campus. That was nice of him - but he talked only about himself. My sister said, 'Oh God, I can't believe what age does to people. You were far better off with your lovely-looking husband and 4 beautiful children". Yes, I needed to hear that after all those decades. I saw pictures of his daughters on his Facebook page and I can't tell you the sadness it gave me, since one of them looked so much like he did when I loved him and was engaged to him. But, he was a good, good man and it just wasn't meant to be. He was selfish and so am I. So, I married a man who could tolerate my selfishness and I was able to find other strengths in myself. So, go ahead and grieve - but make sure you know what mistakes were made. HOpe this helps.

[beaver-mom]

Age just make you wiser......And by no means are you old!!! At this age you know what you are wanting in a relationship, Which gives you advantages. Hurting is normal, just like a death, you lost what you thought was your future. Some people have to go though every step of greiving before they can move on. Others just jump right back in. You are SO normal. just take it at your own pace, but in the mean time. take WC advice and get out there keep your body and mind exercised.