[Guest]

There is a vast difference between living an adventurous life, and making knee jerk decisions to do things without proper training or equipment or things that are illegal just because you have a friend that does those things. It's a very selfish and immature way of handling ones need for adventure.

People have different levels of adventure in their lives. I ride a motorcycle. A fast one. And its my passion. I have dated women who wanted me to stop, and I have dated women who loved it and the adventure it brings. It is, on some levels selfish, Ill give you that. But Im living my life the way I want, thats what passion is. Some people respect and understand it, some call it selfish and immature. To each their own, but we should respect that of each, not change it out of our own (subjective) fear or worry.

[Texinator]

The difference being, riding a motorcycle is not illegal, any woman that wants to enter into a relationship with you knows about your passion from the beginning, and I'm sure nobody pressured you into riding a motorcycle. On the other hand, her boyfriend is now engaging in dangerous activities that are in some cases illegal and for which he didn't have a passion when they started dating, for no reason other than that his new buddy wants to do those things with him.

[Guest]

The difference being, riding a motorcycle is not illegal, any woman that wants to enter into a relationship with you knows about your passion from the beginning, and I'm sure nobody pressured you into riding a motorcycle. On the other hand, her boyfriend is now engaging in dangerous activities that are in some cases illegal and for which he didn't have a passion when they started dating, for no reason other than that his new buddy wants to do those things with him.

I do, from time to time and by "accident," exceed the posted limit for speed, making my actions illegal as well. Removing the tag from your mattress is illegal, I know there are people that couldnt bring themselves to do it. Different levels and subjectivity.

My original argument was why are we assuming this other guy is pressuring him into this stuff, cant the OP's BF be making his own choices?

[BabyGirl]

It is agreed that the BF is making a choice on his own, no gun held to his head.

The Op's worries seem very natural and relevant, when you love someone you care about someone you want them Healthy and Happy and Safe.

The BF's actions and choices are his of course to make. But his actions and choices are not showing his Love and Commitment to her. He is choosing risks that could leave him Dead, Injured, Handicapped or in Jail.

In my opinion, if he wishes to be a " Dare Devil" and totally disregard her worries for him, He should be single and sow his wild oats and if and when he wants a Serious relationship where he wishes to Live and Love a woman for his lifetime, have kids and not leave his family destitute or taking care of a paraplegic or writing him and visiting him in prison .

Then and only then should he attempt a Dedicated relationship. Realize how important his life and Freedom are, and the woman that Loves him and put consideration to her thoughts and wishes .

It is not like he joined the Navy Seals or any other Branch of the Service, where the Wife/ GF/ SO knows he will be in Danger at any moment while fighting for Our and Many other Countries.

This guy is a " Follower " one who seems Bored with his life and willing to " Check out " or Go to Jail/ Prison with no regard to those who love him.

I also ride a " Bike" and have in the past, myself broken a few speed laws. But I am older and Mature now and respect the Laws.

[Guest]

This thread is just killing me. Here we have a guy, having some fun and being adventurous while being good to a disabled person with no family, that has done nothing illegal or suicidal that has been posted. He might not have done anything but hang out with his friend! Then, we have a bunch of people calling him a weak, suicidal follower with no respect for his girlfriend or their relationship! Not to mention we are only getting one side of the story.

Sometimes this place is just too much for a guy like me.

[jns]

... climbing buildings illegally...

Here we have a guy, having some fun and being adventurous while being good to a disabled person with no family, that has done nothing illegal or suicidal that has been posted.

Climbing buildings without permission is illegal (trespassing). I didn't think the op was lying so I assume that she knew he didn't have permission.

[Guest]

Climbing buildings without permission is illegal (trespassing). I didn't think the op was lying so I assume that she knew he didn't have permission.

That was listed in the things the deaf guy had done that the OP's boyfriend was curious about, not that the boyfriend did that.

[Ashlee T.]

That was listed in the things the deaf guy had done that the OP's boyfriend was curious about, not that the boyfriend did that.

And THIS is the type of thing the friend had begun asking the bf to do.

I'm really not sure why there's an argument here. It is common sense when you are in a committed relationship that you should respect each others feelings, compromise, provide some sort of stability. If you're with someone who goes Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on you based on who they are hanging around, it's cause for concern. Someone going from conservative to wanting to illegally climb buildings, or hand-glide or whatever without proper training is cause for concern in a relationship. Period. It takes compromise. Not sure why there's any dispute to that.

[Guest]

And THIS is the type of thing the friend had begun asking the bf to do.

I'm really not sure why there's an argument here. It is common sense when you are in a committed relationship that you should respect each others feelings, compromise, provide some sort of stability. If you're with someone who goes Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on you based on who they are hanging around, it's cause for concern. Someone going from conservative to wanting to illegally climb buildings, or hand-glide or whatever without proper training is cause for concern in a relationship. Period. It takes compromise. Not sure why there's any dispute to that.

First off, he hasnt done any of those things! Secondly, they are just DATING, if they were married with kids, thats a different story. He should be allowed to have his adventures without the ol "your fun or me" ultimatum. Any woman that gives that ultimatum should be written off immediately as controlling and a detriment to your life. If she just let his bout of adventure run its course, he will be appreciative of her support and his freedoms.

[Ashlee T.]

First off, he hasnt done any of those things! Secondly, they are just DATING, if they were married with kids, thats a different story. He should be allowed to have his adventures without the ol "your fun or me" ultimatum.

That's what the original post was about. She didn't say he DID any of these things, she said he was starting to WANT to do these things. She asked our advice based on her concerns about him doing those things.

Any woman that gives that ultimatum should be written off immediately as controlling and a detriment to your life. If she just let his bout of adventure run its course, he will be appreciative of her support and his freedoms.

I didn't say ultimatum. I said "COMPROMISE". You're barking up the wrong tree here Ken. You've given your opinion to the poster, so have we. End of story.