[kygirl]

LB,

I totally understand where you're coming from. I sometimes feel like when my BF says things about how he never wants to lose me because he's not sure how he got me in the first place, that he's crazy. I'm sure I've given him the "whatever" look more than once I wish I could just have the mentality that I am happy with me and I don't care and sometimes I am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and think, you know, if you hadn't lost that weight then you might weigh 300 lbs now. And at those moments, flaw and all, I am proud of me. Then I see some other 110 girl eating McDonalds and I want to scream lol

I don't expect to be perfect (well maybe I want to be, but I realize it won't happen). I just hate that everything seems so tied into it. When I freak out about anything I start to think it's all related. And looking back at things and events in my past, I can see times that I made decisions because I felt like I wasn't good enough. It's so hard to see yourself as other people see you. I wish sometimes I could see myself thru other people's eyes for a minute because I'm sure that 90% percent of the time I'm worried about something that doesn't even cross their minds about me.

[Texinator]

The advantages of having a big brain are obvious, but one disadvantage, I think, is that you also tend to think about things so much that it becomes too easy to overthink them. That active mind wants to explore all the possible "what if" situations to the point of reaching into the "what if" situations that are rather improbable, including that you'd be letting down your boyfriend if you aren't as thin and light as possible. I know because my brain wants to do that often. It's a difficult task at times, but it does help if you remind yourself that you're engaging in what I call "crazy thinking," worrying about things that are unlikely.