[stressed]

He'll be away for 3 months. That's plenty of time to test the relationship, figure out if you can forgive him or not and for him to realize if this is something he could do again or not.

[Hun]

It was after we became exclusive. We agreed to be exclusive even though we weren't in a full on relationship and he was already sleeping with someone else and lied about that. He could have said he didn't want to be exclusive because he wasn't ready for a relationship but he said he was happy for us not to date or anything else with others.

[Hun]

And bless me I didn't eve go on any dates coz I didn't want to hurt his feelings!

Thank you lovely people. Great food for thought and I really appreciate your open minded wise words.

At the moment I don't trust him and I don't like being an un-trusting person. A woman said hi to him today and my first thought was "has he slept with her or tried to?" I DO NOT want to be that suspicious! But it is early days I guess. So I don't know if those feelings will go away enough for the relationship to last. How long does it take? I know if he does it again he is not going to leave evidence in written word (esp as he has given me all his passwords!) or tell me if I ask repeatedly! But I still check and ask at the moment (only 3 weeks in).

How about the s months? To end it altogether so he really has lost me by lying to me, have no contact at all? A weekly update?...

[Hun]

we are together at the moment. he wanted a chance to try and put it right by looking after me while I am upset & I accept until he leaves in a few days for 3 months.

[stressed]

Some people are more forgiving than others. I never forgave my ex-fiance over an emotional cheating case that started at the beginning of our relationship and I still brought it up from time to time years later, even after we were engaged (she returned by the way lol). But others have bigger hearts and move on faster, it can take anything from 3 months to 3 years, it really varies and it doesn't depend on what the person did to you as much as how able you are to forgive.

Now with that said, it is still early to move on. What concerns me is not that he had sex with someone else so early on (one can call it miscommunication, uncertainty as to whether he wanted a relationship with you or not and so on) but that he actually told you you were the only one and you had an agreement. If there had been no such serious talk between you two then we couldn't classify this as "cheating" but such words are supposed to mean something. Now you'll have to make an effort to believe his words again and for some time you'll doubt his words. How long that will take is up to you and his actions. The more he lies, even over small things, the more reasons you'll have to doubt him and you'll end up not loving him anymore.

Do you want to end it, give him another chance or take a break? That would answer your initial post.

[Hun]

Thank you all. I think I won't know what I want do until I have had some thinking time when he is away to know if it is him I want to commit to after this and generally. Then if so, whether I can let go of the fear, learn to respect him again & trust... that part I will not know until I decide to give him another chance, if I do!

Would you like me to keep you posted on what happens?

<3