[Seniora]

I speak from experience, having fallen in love often and very quickly. (I've been with the same man, BTW, for nearly 40 years!!) These feelings can linger causing me to brood and dwell, and they are usually unrequited. Now, you might think I speak just about the opposite sex. No, I fall in love (literally) with films, books, music and, now, a European city I live in this year. Seriously, I have all the feelings of being in love - intoxication, cannot keep my eyes of the beautiful parts of the city, waking with a warm inner glow, fear of separation and absence (making the heart grow fonder). This might seem odd to some, but I did actually hear an interview recently on radio with an international music celebrity (classical) who said, "I absolutely fell in love with San Francisco - and, yes, it's possible to LOVE a city".

I wish I didn't feel so passionately for people, places and artefacts. Can anyone share a similar experience and why do I fall in love so very easily. I'm sure people can see this for the pathetic characteristic it is!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think when someone is very passionate about life, they are passionate in all that they do. They are sensual, in the touch of a flower, see beauty in a bird that flys by, the way they dress...

It is a good characteristic, the best, don't put yourself down... The only downside, is your heart therefore is also one that cares for everything and therefore, everyone in life and you tend to pick up wounded birds so to speak...

I can relate to what you wrote, it's how I live...

[oxy-moron]

Early Love and obsession are basically the same thing.
They are ruled by Seratonin and Dopamine levels in the brain.
You can become obsessed about anything but it does not always benefit you.

Sometimes you will be blinded to reality - seeing only the positives.

If it gives you warm positive feelings it cant be a bad thing as long as you dont let it interfere with other important things.

[Seniora]

Oxy, thanks for that pertinent observation. I would say you are spot-on!! Yes, it IS obsession - I become obsessed about things: people, places, books, films, artefacts and political issues. And, yes, it can interfere with other important things - and often does! How did you know that????

[ItsASecret]

How did you know that????

It is not specifically knowing it is a general concept, if anything interferes with the "important things" it can become a problem. Anything from doing hard drugs instead of going to work to becoming obsessive about cooking to the point of not going to work. One may be more extreme health wise but they both create problems if they interfere with going to work because no matter how much you do not want to you must work to pay your bills. Work trumps because it is under the category of 'important'. Simply being passionate is not a problem unless you are choosing to avoid important things like hygiene, working, social time with family and so on. I love science, I spend a lot of time reading scientific journals and writing papers, going to school, and devoting my personal time to that interest...my love and passion for science does not trump me having a daily shower though...that is the difference between a problem and a simple passion, no interference with important things.

[Seniora]

When I said it interferes with other things - I meant "interferes", not dysfunction. It makes me think about the pursuit (or person) lots and lots. This may just be a personal friendship with another female, anything. But I've noticed it in relation to falling in love, in particular. This makes me unhappy, and in that respect it does interfere. But there may be other depression-related issues at work here too. But I only once ever had a passion/love affair (early 20's) which prevented me from doing the things you suggest and I had to get professional help when it ended. I fell to pieces when it ended and couldn't work or cope for 2 months. A breakdown. That never happened since (40 years ago), but I often wish the idea/person/issue/relationship would go away as it causes me to "think too precisely on the event" (Hamlet). Glad to hear about your scientific interests - mine are classical music, literature, films, languages and politics, plus living in Europe in a city all this year I've fallen hopelessly in love with (except for the next 2 weeks where there is absolutely dreadful construction work going on in the apartment because of a major gas leak. Dust and noise Central here as they 'liberate' the pipes from their concrete graves - all have to be replaced!!). Thanks for the comments.

[oxy-moron]

Its just the way it plays out. Having a good obsession can be the best thing in the world.
If you feel it is becoming an issue there are other things you can do to alter mood and obsession.
Make sure you are having good Omega3 fats in your diet. Stay away from refined sugars and simple Carbohydrates . Make sure you get a bit of sun everyday or supplement with VitaminD3. Get some exercise every day if you can.
Try to surf your positive obsession instead of submerging yourself in it.

[Seniora]

Thanks Oxy. It's so difficult to change the habits of a lifetime. I'm living in a major European city with my husband all this year, getting heaps of exercise, travelling, classical music concerts, shopping etc. It won't change my basic personality - that of being vulnerable and inclined to be too passionate about certain people, experiences, places, issues, hobbies etc. Years ago, years, at university a male friend picked up on this instantly and said at the dinner table in the residential school, "Seniora falls in love all the time". Yes, absolutely, I was able to laugh about this but it's so very true. It was a male friend too - and I admired and liked him very much, as he did me. But it only lasted the period of the residential school and he was a mate. But what a man! Musician, multi-lingual, funny, well-read and we had huge things in common. One night we went out for dinner and laughed so hard it fogged the windows of the car and we overstepped the curfew and were locked out of the building. An unforgettable fellow and experience. At the time I was a 40 year old mother of four children, and this never came up!!

Right at this moment it's a particular issue for me and I'm grappling with it head on - but it takes time. But I don't think for me, it can "be the best thing in the world". True, being passionate about things can be - but this isn't really the same, as it's often painful and self-inflicted misery. More balance needed, as well as perspective. But, your comments have given me things to think about. Thanks.

[jns]

Falling in love with the intoxication and the withdrawal symptoms are as o-m says related to brain chemicals. Different people have different levels of these chemicals and different sensitivity. Add that to the fact that everyone's brain is unique and many possibilities are available. In some people, cross wiring between close by areas occurs causing stimulus in one area to stimulate another area. Response to pain and sexual response can be wired together leading a person to require pain to get sexual climax and fulfillment. Maybe in your case, you have high sensitivity to enjoyment and that releases bonding and pleasure chemicals that cause the intoxicated feelings.