[suntan]

As I have already written in my earlier post I came from a religious community wherein I am told to refrain from sexual intercourse. I am already 31 and yet I have no experience of sex with women. We keep the thought of women and sex away from our minds and we pass our time in our dormitory meditating, learning Sanskrit. We have taken vows to live restraintly. This is a very strenuous period and there is a lot of pressure from our higher-ranking priests to desist from mundane things and live the life of penance and surrender and follow the path of the Buddha. I do it every day.

However I have a second and personal part that is emotional. I know I go hormonal at times and feel restless thinking about the rest of other couples who come together and hug each other and I have witnessed them kissing fervently in public places.
Of course I have a choice to leave the monastic life and marry but the kind of respect I get here will not be there. What is more, I lived this monastic when I was just 8 years old.

I may sound insincere but one day I will have to face a lady in her beauty and this may be called adultery against my vocation and faith and the community but I have a personal life and I must take care of my dreams too. I want to hug a beautiful lady though I will not marry her. I said admittedly earlier that I will meet a lady as a disciple or a devotee. I do not belong to a world of family, relation, affair and spending most of my time on creative and holistic pursuits surrounded by holy men and preachers I am naïve about the ordinary life most of you live. In fact I secretly envy those marry and live with their family.

I do not know how to approach a lady or how to express my desires. I may sound outlandish in my post but this is the predicament I find myself in. Today we live in a world of connection and we can come across people like you who can help me and guide me. I do not know how to put forth my ideas. I just feel that life is very important and sex is one of the important facts about life and Buddhism does not endorse this fact.

I do not know how to communicate like the res of you who live normal family lives and since I have never talked to women I am happy to talk to women on this wonderful forum

[Claret]

I'm sorry Suntan but my spider sense is tingling. If you are truly in a monastic buddhist setting you will NOT have the availability to the internet and the outside secular world that you say you have and your English and writing skills are far too fluent to be a second language to a person living in a non-english country.

[suntan]

I'm sorry Suntan but my spider sense is tingling. If you are truly in a monastic buddhist setting you will NOT have the availability to the internet and the outside secular world that you say you have and your English and writing skills are far too fluent to be a second language to a person living in a non-english country.

The monastery I live in is full of foreigners, those seeking to learn Buddhism from different parts of the world and one devotee has left his laptop with an internet access. I have learned English from foreigners and also from books. We have a big library and the books on the shelves are mostly donated. I have plenty of time to read since we do not have to earn a living. Since I have a passion for learning I read books of a wide spectrum. I am of course good at writing and speaking in English by our standards and yet I cannot match up to those who hail from an English speaking community. The only thing we have no access to is a world of women and sex and the rest goes ok with us otherwise.
It is really nice to read your comment

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jason? Goldman?

This thread continues from your other threads please stick to one....

[Claret]

Just as an aside - my brother-in-law is a practicing Buddhist. I can get a lot of information (and have) from him. He has taken several years of training and has lived in a monastery in Tibet. I am somewhat familiar with the lifestyle.

[BabyGirl]

Interesting Read on this .
This is taken from a Article/ Teachings . You might want to search the Author, since you have the Internet.

A Happy Married Life
A Buddhist Perspective
by
Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda


From the Buddhist point of view, marriage is neither holy nor unholy. Buddhism does not regard marriage as a religious duty nor as a sacrament that is ordained in heaven. A cynic has said that while some people believe that marriage is planned in heaven, others say that it is recorded in also! Marriage is basically a personal and social obligation, it is not compulsory. Man and woman must have freedom either to get married or to remain single. This does not mean that Buddhism is against marriage. Nobody in this world would say that marriage is bad and there is no religion which is against marriage.

Practically all living things come into being as a result of sex life. Among human beings, the institution of marriage has come about so that society guarantees the perpetuation of the human species and also ensures that the young would be cared for. This is based on the argument that children born through the pleasure of sex must be the responsibility of the partners involved, at least until they have grown up. And marriage ensures that this responsibility is upheld and carried out.

A society grows through a network of relationships which are mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a whole-hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group or community.

Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a delightful association of two individuals to be nurtured and to be free from loneliness, deprivation and fear.

In marriage, each partner develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative recognition of the others skill in caring and providing for a family. There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior — each is complementary to the other; marriage is a partnership of equality, gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.

In Buddhism, one can find all the necessary advice which can help one to lead a happy married life. One should not neglect the advice given by the Enlightened Teacher if one really wants to lead a happy married life. In His discourses, the Buddha gave various kinds of advice for married couples and for those who are contemplating marriage. The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."


So, Suntan , unless you are devoted to becoming a Monk. You may wish to follow another " Phase or Option " of Buddism. Your being curious and having the desire to hug a woman, show's that you are confused in your dedication. Therefore you should probably do some research.

Learn that you can have your faith and a Happy married life as well.

[suntan]

T

Interesting Read on this .
This is taken from a Article/ Teachings . You might want to search the Author, since you have the Internet.

A Happy Married Life
A Buddhist Perspective
by
Ven. K. Sri Dhammananda


From the Buddhist point of view, marriage is neither holy nor unholy. Buddhism does not regard marriage as a religious duty nor as a sacrament that is ordained in heaven. A cynic has said that while some people believe that marriage is planned in heaven, others say that it is recorded in also! Marriage is basically a personal and social obligation, it is not compulsory. Man and woman must have freedom either to get married or to remain single. This does not mean that Buddhism is against marriage. Nobody in this world would say that marriage is bad and there is no religion which is against marriage.

Practically all living things come into being as a result of sex life. Among human beings, the institution of marriage has come about so that society guarantees the perpetuation of the human species and also ensures that the young would be cared for. This is based on the argument that children born through the pleasure of sex must be the responsibility of the partners involved, at least until they have grown up. And marriage ensures that this responsibility is upheld and carried out.

A society grows through a network of relationships which are mutually inter-twined and inter-dependent. Every relationship is a whole-hearted commitment to support and to protect others in a group or community.

Marriage plays a very important part in this strong web of relationships of giving support and protection. A good marriage should grow and develop gradually from understanding and not impulse, from true loyalty and not just sheer indulgence. The institution of marriage provides a fine basis for the development of culture, a delightful association of two individuals to be nurtured and to be free from loneliness, deprivation and fear.

In marriage, each partner develops a complementary role, giving strength and moral courage to one another, each manifesting a supportive and appreciative recognition of the others skill in caring and providing for a family. There must be no thought of either man or woman being superior — each is complementary to the other; marriage is a partnership of equality, gentleness, generosity, calm and dedication.

In Buddhism, one can find all the necessary advice which can help one to lead a happy married life. One should not neglect the advice given by the Enlightened Teacher if one really wants to lead a happy married life. In His discourses, the Buddha gave various kinds of advice for married couples and for those who are contemplating marriage. The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."


So, Suntan , unless you are devoted to becoming a Monk. You may wish to follow another " Phase or Option " of Buddism. Your being curious and having the desire to hug a woman, show's that you are confused in your dedication. Therefore you should probably do some research.

Learn that you can have your faith and a Happy married life as well.

his is a very interesting piece. I read and reread it and each time I found it really thrilling and full of good advice. Of course Buddhism is not against it and Buddhism in principle has its tenets in striking the middle path and in fact there is no restriction and yet I do not want to give up the profession of monkhood and at the same time want to take pleasure in the act of sex and I am almost resolute about this and the only thing I want is how to make pass at someone when I come across them. This is a tough job to approach a lady in my saffron dresses and some women may dread my advances.

I cannot do this openly since our society is very critical about it and they do not endorse monkhood and sex. Monkhood is a sacred career and as a monk we can do lots of things which we cannot do in our married lives and yet monks too are humans with their desires, impulses, sexual organs and drives. Our priests advocate against sexual indulgences but most of them too have their private sex lives and they often live for hours alone with their devotees behind closed doors and some women are regular visitors too.

This world is a big stage and we have to act several parts. I am also a young and modern man, now already 31 and yet I have never had sex with a woman. I cannot keep on sabotaging my impulses since they are really vital things. I want women and their lustful kisses and embraces and I often dream of having sex with several women driven to an orgy of lust.

I feel my energies go wasted in this monastic life. At times we have few choices and the society or the social circumstances we born to circumscribe us and we will be limped and live pathetically unable to devour what the rest enjoy.

I may sound rather egoistic here talking about my bizarre ideas yet one needs people or a society to express some of his deep seated ideas and the ideas that remain deeply layered within me for years and now coming across a company friends from different parts of the world I feel overwhelmed to talk.

[BabyGirl]

Again , you may wish to rethink your decision to become/ be a Monk. Both Monks and Nuns, chose to be celibate as part of their Calling and beliefs.


Relationships ( Laymans Terms for Monks )

Monks and nuns lead lives of total celibacy in which any kind of sexual behavior is forbidden. This includes even suggestive speech or physical contact with lustful intent, both of which are very serious offenses for monks and nuns. As one's intent may not always be obvious (even to oneself), and one's words not always guarded, it is a general principle for monks and nuns to refrain from any physical contact with members of the opposite sex. Monks should have a male present who can understand what is being said when conversing with a lady, and a similar situation holds true for nuns.

Much of this standard of behavior is to prevent scandalous gossip or misunderstanding occurring. In the stories that explain the origination of a rule, there are examples of monks being accused of being a woman's lover, of a woman's misunderstanding a monk's reason for being with her, and even of a monk being thrashed by a jealous husband!

So, to prevent such misunderstanding, however groundless, a monk has to be accompanied by a man whenever he is in the presence of a woman; on a journey; or sitting alone in a secluded place (one would not call a meditation hall or a bus station a secluded place). Generally, monks would also refrain from carrying on correspondence with women, other than for matters pertaining to the monastery, travel arrangements, providing basic information, etc. When teaching Dharma, even in a letter, it is easy for inspiration and compassion to turn into attachment.

From the above, your posts are contradictory to Monk hood and therefore Forbidden.
Your wanting Passionate Kisses and and an Orgy with several women, seems to be something you might wish to search deep in your soul and decide which path you wish to go. You following through with your sexual fantasy's negates your being a Monk. And to claim or act on both sides of the fence ( so to speak ) would be Dishonest to your faith .

Think on your Choices and decide a True life that you can follow and be happy with in Honesty and self respect.

[suntan]

Yes you are right and what I said is a kind of aversion to the path I am on and yet I am under my monkish garb someone like you. I have desires too and go emotional at times and when I see women I really feel sad since they are unapproachable to me. I am at a certain spiritual summit ostensibly and yet on the inside I am living as a sensitive human like the rest of you and. Yes my dreams and confessions I have made through my posts negate my path. I am dishonest to my profession but very much honest to myself and to all of you I have been talking to. I do not care and choose to live the way I get driven my impulses. My impulses matter to me more than what the sermons I heard from my Gurus. They are phony and are living double standards. If so easy I would have quit the professions I am in to enjoy the way the rest of you do and take every thing so natural and normal.