[growingmore]

Ok, I could really use some advice. I have been asked to let my kids (first all 4 now just the younger 2) in my brother's wedding next Nov.
I have already voiced to my brother concerns about the MIL but now I am beginning to feel reservations against the wife too. They are already actually married, but just having the big formal wedding Nov.

He has asked me about the kids and said all 4 but she has never spoken to me. Only goes through my aunt to down it to 2. Which disappoints my other 2 kids, but ok it is her day. I sent her a few sites that had great cheap dresses that I have used before and she called my aunt acting all confused even though we had an FB chat about it. She claimed to not have my number. However, my brother has it and I have given to her via FB chat several times.

I am really wanting out of the whole ordeal in some ways. My kids were just flower girl and ring in a wedding this summer and it is a huge deal and very stressful. Plus we have to travel out of state for this wedding and right now money is super tight.

Any suggestions? Am I over reacting and just planning for the worst. There is some past drama but I am trying to not let that color the future.

[caterpillar79]

How do your kids feel about it - have you asked? If the kids are okay about not being part of it, then, why not opt out? Sure, your brother and his wife won't like it, but it's your kids, it's your life. It looks like you guys have a communication issue, especially your sister-in-law....

I'm pro-family, but when it comes down to asserting what you'd like versus doing things to please other people (family), I am always torn. I used to do the latter when I was younger, but now, I thought, heck, no! This is what I want, so I will tell them how I feel about it and follow my heart. Just saying the same to you - follow your heart.

This may be too much drama, but not really - it's how you feel. Get your kids' take on this and take it from there. (Second thought...how about your hubby - what's his take on this?)

[BabyGirl]

They are already Married ?
Will be married at least 1 year by the time of their " Wedding ".

Is there a reason they wish to put on a " Big Show " and let everyone be at the " Wedding " to Celebrate their Marriage ?

Honey, You can be happy that your Brother has Married and is Happy with his wife. the Uncle of your 4 kids. But .. The planning of ANYTHING for a Year away, will have it's "SNAFU's".

1) A year from now, your 4 kids may not even remember the Invite to be in the " Wedding

2) Will their marriage last that whole year ? Will they and MIL and others be financially able to support the Big Fancy " Wedding " ?

3) Possibly a One Year Anniversary (Just like we do for Parents or Friends and Relatives ) Party, would be more of an Idea for a Celebration.

4) You live a ways apart and Travel and Costs are probably not your first expense that you will have this year or the coming year . Are they willing to finance your trip or must you try and Save for it ?

5) If you have No personal communication with her, she did not Invite or ask your permission to have your Kids be in the wedding ( Next Year)
Your Brother has not personally asked either . They cannot make up their minds if they want all 4 kids or just 2 of them in the " Wedding ".

Weddings take allot of Preparation and Planning and a Year is a long time to "plan ahead" or worry about it.

So I would, personally, thank her for the Invitation to use my Kids as a Wedding Prop/ Plan. But I would also explain that her and your Brother. Need to be clearer of what the acceptance ( Yours ) would entail.

Are they paying for the Kids "Outfits" are they going to pay and ensure that the Kids can make it and " perform " their duties properly ? Is this going to Cost You any Money ? Or are they willing to "Foot the Bill" so your kids can be Part of the Ceremony.
There are ways to do this with kindness.
FB the SIL again, ask who is her " Wedding Planner " If it is the Aunt, then email or FB her with the same questions.

And then Think, seriously Think of the Cost, the Time, the possible issues that could make this a " Not so Happy Family " Gathering.

Last year I was " supposed to go " to a Funeral of a very very long Loved one. I just could not afford it. It doesn't mean I didn't care or Love that person or the Family . I just could not afford to go. I sent a living plant to them and a Donation to their Favorite Charity in his Name .

So as you can see, you can show a " presence " without actually being there .