[noctis]

Hello!
I've been very worried about something...
Some background -
I'm in college, and I'm single right now. I've only had one boyfriend before, and that was online. I met him online that is, and we "dated" for a few months. We exchanged phone numbers and called each other every day, texted each other all day, etcetera. It was nice, especially when he sent me cheesy love texts. The only thing was, he was pretty horny and admitted that he masturbated to photos of me. Sometimes we had phone sex - I did it because I wanted him to be happy - and I felt so disgusted with myself. And he was going to visit me in reality, and I'm pretty sure he wanted to sleep with me.
I got frightened and felt disgusted because I'd seen his photos and web-cammed him, and he was good looking but skinny, and I didn't feel attracted to him at all. Shallow of me...but I broke up with him because I didn't want to lose my virginity to such a skinny guy (no more virtual relationships for me).

Now, there are some guys at my college who've expressed their interest in me, but I've always turned them down/"friend-zoned" them because I didn't feel attracted at all. Sometimes I feel so lonely I want a boyfriend, but when I think about any guy physically touching me, I feel so freaked out and grossed I don't want a relationship. Even if some guy who was exactly my type asked me out (fat chance) I'd be too scared to. Even when I was dating my online boyfriend, he told me several times that I very rarely "open up" to him. I'm in college now yet I feel so emotionally underdeveloped. I feel like such a fool. What can I do to get over this fear?

Thank you

(This is partly because of my mother and father's terrible relationship, I think. I've never seen them portray any physical interest in one another, and my mother always warned me never to get a boyfriend. She said that all men are beasts...haha. Perhaps this is true.)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't think you are a fool. I think you were lead astray by this on-line masterbator that more than likey had you and 2 others on the go..

Women are vulnerable, scum like that seek them out.. You are a virgin, you are young, and you've never had a boyfriend...All you can see is the same old, same old, these guys in "real" life, are showing interest and you think you are weak, vulnerable, based on what happened to you, so you fear that you'll give in to them, one of them and they will then walk and go haha, got the prize.

True, it could be the case, but what if one of those guys is sincere? What if he really does like you? What if he never tries anything on you and shows you his sincerity?

As hard as this is, forget what happened to you on-line by this jerk... What he made you do is not normal, when you haven't even met, he made no attempt to save money find a way to meet you, and he put you down (to get more out of you).

Give love a go. But suggestion... Make them date you and make them work hard for you, be with you for months with wanting nothing more than a kiss, understanding "you are not ready" for sex, and that foreplay is resevered for someone that is special, that shows he's real, nothing going to happen, if they are looking to take something away from you.

And, don't mention your past, it belongs to you...

You and a million other girls have been through this regardless of age, it's the nature of the beast that your Mother has warned you about

[jns]

I don't like online dating because it is that much easier for people to lie. CW has some good advice. Beyond that I would say get into social settings that give you a chance to observe men and their actions around women, around other men and when they are relatively alone. Things like church, social clubs and sports. If you want to be bolder, take dance lessons but don't let any guy try to move in on you (monopolize your time). Also observe how women act in social settings and get yourself a group of girlfriends that you can discuss situations with. Don't let them push you into anything that you don't want to do. Expect to be shocked by them from time to time.

[noctis]

Thank you for the advice
I guess I'll just try and take one step at a time