[Anaida]

Ummm..I wouldn't say so. Like I said, I'm good at analyzing and bringing to fore my subconscious feelings anytime i want. It's not that I'm ALWAYS this obsessed with him..only that particular time, I was feeling quite low. Also, I don't have any issues with my mom from the past right now, I'm dealing with life in a whole new way after I became an adult, especially since I got myself back from the last year.

But yes, sometimes I do fantasize speaking my heart out to him and asking him about himself....he seems to be quite lonely in life with only Academics and Students. He apparently got no life apart from Academics, if his "close" people are to be believed. In fact, that's the reason I think he's so extremely close to his students who come close to him---he like tells them EVERYTHING about himself. maybe that's the reason I assumed he'd be willing to open up to anybody that takes an interest in genuinely being friends with him, LOL. He's got no kids. I'm telling you this in case this means something.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

mmmm.... So, okay, it's not the teacher in your Mother or in him that's driving this thought pattern...

Rather, a feeling sorry for him and wanting to reach out but also there is some competitiveness there, others get in there and you haven't what if that just means "yet?" as he is gaging your logic in it, reasoning behind it?

Do you like to win with things?

[Anaida]

Hello, and sorry for the incredibly late reply. Been busy a few days.

Yeah, I generally do, however, that is not to say I'm particularly ****-bent on winning stuff all the time LOL.

I also think, that it's because I've spent so much time thinking, wondering about him from the days we moved against him. Because he's had so much impact on my academic life in the past. I view getting to know him and being acknowledged by him as a challenge.

"what if that just means "yet?" as he is gaging your logic in it, reasoning behind it? "

Can you explain this part?

[Kahn]

Anaida, I've been a graduate student for a quiet a few years now and just wanted to add that Professors generally don't have a high opinion about undergrads. I know one Prof who I am close to, hates holding office hours since he thinks undergrads are down right "annoying" and he makes no effort to hide it. Not only that but if Professors are tenured, which most of the older ones are, then they really don't care how they come across.So this Prof you mentioned might not be as much of a mystery as you might like to think, and like most tenured Profs he probably just doesn't care, he rather work on his reasearch than have to teach. Trust me universities are full of Professors like these, if you really want to have a fair conversation with a faculty member, go talk to a lecturer their main job is to only teach (no research) so are generally nicer.

And if you really want to get involved in academia and get to know your Professor as academic peers I would suggest you attend seminars at your university. This is where faculty from other schools present their working papers as potential papers they want to publish. Just be careful if you ask questions, that they are at the appropiate level otherwise you might get stared at But I would recommend to just enjoy these years, I know I wish I could rewind 7 years and be 19 again, I really miss those some carefree days of drinking and house parties.

I have actually been lurking around this forum for a while now, silently reading, and I am honestly awed by some of the post here. Its great how much you guys support each other. I haven't really been much of relationship person, so I feel like everytime I read a post I learn something new!

[BabyGirl]

Welcome to the forum Kahn

Glad you are finding new things that may help you in future relationships. I'm sure you will have valuable Opinions and Experiences to add.
When the site gets back in Sync, maybe you can tell us a bit about yourself, what you learned and such .

[Seniora]

I agree with Kahn. As an ex-teacher I can tell you a lot of my colleagues found students (rightly or wrongly) very annoying. It's a mixed bag, though. Some younger female teachers were downright inappropriate with the oldest male students in the school. So, it's NEVER SIMPLE.
You've had some fabulous advice here from real perceptive people on this forum. Take it seriously, is my advice. If it was me - and I've had plenty of similar problems of my own, if I'm honest - I would get professional help. As I've often said to others on this suggestion about counselling: "it's great because you get to talk about about yourself and nobody interrupts". Yes, it's flippant - but honest, I hope. Let me tell you from first hand experience (and I'm retired now) Depression causes a lot of grief in your life and it sounds to me like you have Depression in spades. The first thing I learned about Depression is that it fouls up the system of rational decision-making and there's nothing much 'rational' in your infatuation with the Prof., UNLESS you are looking for a father-figure (been there, done that). It's so difficult on your own trying to unravel emotional problems: nigh impossible, I would say. Get the help and do yourself a big favour. I have Depression at the moment and am trying to sort out some consequences from poor decisions I've made. I can identify with obsessions - I've had these all my life and have only learned to MANAGE them positively, no escape them altogether. You did get advice here which should help you start to sort things. I've always found TALKING was the best solution because whenever I'm worried about something the answer will often come right out of my mouth completely spontaneously. The diary idea is also an excellent one. People on this forum have helped me (CW etc.) and I'm facing some demons at the moment, but look at the positive side - you're young, healthy and have a wonderful life ahead of you. But filtered through the prism of Depression is is nearly impossible to SEE these good things. Good luck.

[oraclemysterious]

Its quite interesting as I understand completely where you are coming from. I not sure if you still studying with this lecturer, but sometimes we substitute our own frustrations with acadamic studies for fantasies. In my case I finally got mine, I am riddled with guilt and it took 3months to go from normal chatting to this strong special student relationship. I am struggling to deal with the demands of this type of emotional connection, it actually effects your studies, even though the feeling is exilating, getting plenty of acadamic praise, attention and time. Sometimes I wonder whether I should have kept it a fantasy!

[Anaida]

Thanks all of you! I know I got this late, I didn't even check this site for the last two months. Gee!
I went through everything posted here--and you'd be glad to hear that I finally hauled myself out of this. It happened on its own. Like a month after I expierienced this "snub", I began to notice that I wasn't thinking of him as much anymore. I thought of it, and it came out that I had managed to snap the strings from him subconsciously. I think the snub (or perceived snub) did the trick. I'm finally, finally over and out.
Thank you, all of you for your reasonable words of advice--the empathy really worked for me in those days. Thanks, and god bless!