[Anaida]

BD: Actually, I am nineteen. I registered with a different age because, I'm like...somewhat...wary of the net and stuff like that. You know...haha. I'd have written "21" on the second post too, under normal conditions. But I was dang upset and desperate for help yesterday when I replied to your posts (I still am :'(), so the truth came out.

But please don't mind it.

[Anaida]

BD again:

I'm curious about the self-reflection you talk about?Do you think I have an unhealthy obsession with him? I thought all along that I was merely obsessively curious about him. And like I told you, for some reason, I'd taken his "challenge" to heart. Maybe because I had disliked him initially when he was in our class, and even vehemently disagreed with him on many of his views. But then I got to know a lot about him from people who were close to him, and I got myself thinking about him. Then the thinking grew more. I decided that I had to get to know him. And...I dunno, maybe I'm so upset because I'd attached some sort of self-worth to this challenge subconsciously? That's what I feel.
It's strange.....and depressing.

[Anaida]

zarina, it sounds like you are on the hunt. If it was a normal attraction to an outstanding professor, you would just follow in the steps of the others who are in his sway. Instead you want different rules to apply to you. He is probably alert to hunters like you. You will have to try a different way.

Thank you. Can you explain a bit more?

[Anaida]

Zarina

Ask yourself, why is it important to you, that he acknowledges you. Is this a cry for attention and if so why? What "type" are the others that he has be-friended, both male and female..

Have you also considered, that he may be shy to a degree and that those others went through the exact process.

There is an obsession here of sorts was your family up-bringing a loving one?

And, yes, BD makes an excellent point there, are you 19 or 21, the honesty starts with self.

He is. Like I told you before, he is this "introverted genius" kind of a person. He displays great sarcastic wit and oratory when in class, (when he took our class) but he doesn't mingle much outside of that, not even with many other profs. He's a high-flyer, even mentally. So that's what I keep telling myself..maybe his reaction was normal, but I cannot convince myself. I keep wondering, why did he leave the room?

"The way he got up and walked out casually saying, "oh well, got a class now." Though he didn't have any at that moment. Later in the time I saw him chatting with some students. He actually had a class much, much later. It seemed like he was trying to get rid of me."

Like I said, this is a sort of prestige issue for me, and stronger than I thought. I'd fantassized numerous times about the questions i'd ask him, and joke with him and laugh with him, he'd praise me for being an interested student, and we'd mingle just like he does with others. But guess my fantasies had taken me away from reality. :'(

PS: My family upbringing has nothing to do here, I've no mommy-daddy issues lol.

[Ashlee T.]

Do you think I have an unhealthy obsession with him?

Absolutely. You are mourning over a relationship with an individual that doesn't even know you and with whom you barely know. You're feeling rejected and depressed as a result of him not acting out these fantasies you've established in your mind, that he has no idea about. Yes, I consider this an unhealthy obsession. It's fine to fantasize, it's fine to "want" something to happen a certain way.........but it becomes unhealthy when it's preoccupying all your thoughts, when it's setting you into a depression, etc.

If you want prestige, make it on your own. Find it on your own. You have that capability.

[Ashlee T.]

You have posted on this subject here before, no? It seems oddly familiar. And...if that is the case, this obsession has been going on for a long time. You had classes with him, then were distraught to have no classes with him. Spoke of charges that had been brought against him by another female student. Described your own behaviors as "stalkerish". I believe it's time you seek some professional counseling for this as it doesn't seem to be something you've been able to get past on your own.

[Little]

Anaida, you already have a user account on this website, under Anaida. As you still seem to be using it, I am banning the Zarina account.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/relationships/37610-want-get-rid-obsession-please-help-why-am-i-feeling-way.html

In that thread, you ADMIT having sexual feelings for the professor. You also say that it had been going on since the previous semester ... which would make this obsession over a year old. That's much too long to be healthy. Perhaps you should talk to a counselor about it?

Do you have obsessive compulsions about other things in life? Cleaning? Locking doors?

Do you seek out inappropriate sexual relationships with men other than your professor? We already know that your mother disapproves of male friendships, so do you have many male friends other than the "bad boy" you told us about? Is your father in your life, and is that relationship healthy?

It does not sound like this obsession is really about your professor - it sounds like it's about YOU.

[Anaida]

Yes, I'm indeed Anaida. The reason I created a different account was that I got a "fraud warning" from opera when I tried to open this page. And since my Firefox is down at the moment, I couldn't go there.
Coming on topic, yes, I'd said that I had "sexual fantasies" about the professor. But they were, and I MEAN were, of an "isolated" nature. I mean, when this thing was initially taking shape, I'd just been curious about him. So I fantasized about different occasions with him and tried to gauge what his reaction would be like in them. Gradually, as time went, this curiosity intensified some more. However, I know that what I do actually want from him, is not to sleep with him or be with him in any way. I find his thoughts and character interesting. What I really want is to sit before him and wrack him open to study him...ask him endless questions about himself, demand why he is/was incorrigible like that when he took our class.

So, my feelings/thoughts might've given rise to sexual fantasies sometimes, but I do know for sure that THOSE are NOT what I really desire.

Hope I made myself clear on this.

Coming to your other question, Little, I assure you that this has nothing to do with my life or family. I've had loving and protective parents all my life.
I do have friends in school and college, and I have male buddies other than the guy I told you about. And no, you got me wrong, my mom doesn't disapprove of male friendships, she only dislikes it if I go somewhere ALONE with them. LOL. She's like, "C'mon, people will talk!" It's silly and infuriating, like I so expressly expressed in that thread. :P She's old-school like that. I always retort with, "He's my BUDDY.I can hang around with him as much as I can do with my gal pals."

Lastly, no, I'm not a tramp. So no issues there too. Though yeah, I do watch porn

[Anaida]

I must mention here---I've had OCD when I was in high-school, but not that much now. Though I occasionally get the urge to "walk past that door", or "touch that handle", or else, something bad would happen. I normally just ignore them. Though I sometimes do succumb to a few of them when I'm down or withdrawn etc.


I must add something here that I should've told you before. This thing of mine, this crush or whatever else you may call it, is not always obsessive. Like, ordinarily, it's just another benign thing to think about in my pass time, like a crush should be. But, I've noticed that it tends to come to the forefront and occupy my mind whenever I'm down..with or WITHOUT reason. Recently, I'm going through a bad patch. AS IN, I feel drained, down and have my self-esteem at a low ebb. This happens sometimes, everybody experiences it, but this time, this "Rough Patch" seems to last a little longer than usual. For example, I feel like doubting myself and my abilities, feel lethargic when it comes to doing anything, or even THINK of doing anything proactive, like for e.g., cleaning my room. I won't lie, I turned to my fantasizing for relief from this rough patch, and, now that I think of it, I seem to have let myself become dependent on it. Like last time when I posted this. Last time it was not that bad, I was just wondering if I'd fallen for him or just an obsessive curiosity. But THIS TIME, I just cannot seemingly stop thinking about the snub. I try to reason with myself (lemme tell you I'm good at self-counseling, done it all my life), and I KNOW what is going on too, but the problem is, I still cannot come out of this "rough patch" and as a result, this obsessive depression isn't leaving me.

I'm scared stiff of anti-depressants, I may add.

[Ashlee T.]

It seems like you're in denial. Like you try to minimize this to us, when you know that in your mind it's consuming an unhealthy amount of your thoughts and energy. This is something you've posted quite a bit about, and it has been going on with this same professor now for a very long time. That time you posted in July 2011 about him was not the first time you had posted about him either.

Have you tried focusing your energy on something else, like exercise?