PUTTING UP WITH.....
We all have images of ourselves; what we can and can't deal with,
what we can and can't accept. Then, we find ourselves in a
situation which we never envisioned, and run around looking for
the 'right' answer.
We usually look to societal mores, our friends, our culture, and
then, via that lens, determine 'right' and 'wrong' what is
'acceptable' and 'unacceptable'.
I touched this topic in another thread which led to absolute
confusion, anger, attack, etc. but hopefully, in this thread,
the meanings will be a lot clearer.
we all have this superego of 'right' and 'wrong' which might
conflict with what we want or feel or wish. This superego
can be reduced to 'Them'.
'Them' or 'They' are society. We try to conform to society
or we try to rebel against society, and when it is our choice
we can deal with the conflict.
When it is NOT our choice, when our husbands present something
to us which we have generically rejected or 'that will never
happen to me!' we enter the realms of dilema;
WHAT DO I DO NOW?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
A wife learns her husband has a mistress, or he's an alcoholic,
or he's gay; aspects she never dreamed of; never expected,
and can only run to THEY or THEM to gain;
"What does the society I live in think of....and how does the
society I live in proscribe reaction?"
A beauty queen married a fellow we all believed was gay,
and she learned this for a fact in an almost theatrical
denouement.
She instanteously left her husband, travelled a thousand
miles away, and launched divorce proceedings.
Anthony Perkins, the American Actor, (Psycho) was gay.
Or Bi.
He married Beryl, (she died on flight 93 on 9/11) and they
had a very happy relationship until he died.
That he was gay (or bi) never effected their relationship.
In fact, Beryl was one of the most thorougly happy women
you ever wish to meet...(she lived in jamaica on Treasure
Beach and used to walk barefoot with beads on her toes
and legs); and everything was a joy.
It didn't bother her that her husband might go out and
engage in a homosexual tryst; she loved him, he loved
her. End of story.
Most women couldn't possibly survive such a situation,
but she could.
So when it comes to what you can or can't put up with;
that is personal to you. You can't take any blueprint from
anywhere; your relationship is unique and special in its
own way.
If you can deal with your husband's outside lovers,
(male or female) then there is no reason to follow
your society's 'rules'; there is nothing 'wrong' with you.
Relationships between people, true relationships, have
more to them than 'bed & breakfast'.
We all know people who divorced twenty years ago
who are still friends, people who have done terrible
things, yet, outside of that, they are very nice to us.
Any time something 'unacceptable' happens in a relationship,
ask; "Is this truly unacceptable to me or is it that as a
product of my society I MUST find it unacceptable?"
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