[DreamP346]

I've always surrounded myself with colorful people - people who aren't so mainstream. Living in a major city most of my life, that was easy to do, especially in NYC. I myself am not that colorful, but my friends are. Its not that they are weird (OK, some are), its more that they are the type that live alternative lifestyles, are gay, artistic, nerdy, basically not your average, normal, heterosexual, middle class, suburban friends. I have never felt comfortable around "normal" people and have had a really hard time making friends with them. They make me feel like an outsider wanted to look inside.

Now I live in the middle of nowhere. Everybody here is pretty much the same. They have normal jobs (nobody works the local burlesque), are or want to get married with kids, buy a house, etc. All my co-workers are like that. They are all very nice people but I feel like I don't fit into their lifestyle. Our office has an open format, meaning no rooms, not even cubicles. We all have desks in a large open space. They talk about all the "Housewives" shows they watched and sending their kids to private schools. They do not include me in their converstations. Maybe its because I don't watch reality TV. I am a sci-fi geek and nobody here cares about the latest anime I watched. Nobody has ever asked me if I wanted to go pick up some lunch together. They do that with each other. I am always an after thought, asking me as they are walking out the door, just to be polite.

I know I am not a social butterfly and can be standoffish with people. I have tried to make conversation and tried to join in theirs on occation. But I am hardy ever asked to be part of the conversation like they do with each other. I don't know if I should keep trying or just totally ignore them and keep doing my own work. It was like this in other offices too but I usually found one other person like myself and I also had my own private office so I didn't have to watch other people socializing and leaving me completely out of it. Being in this environment just makes we hate being at work everyday.

[Laurie F]

These really don't sound like your type of people. I myself am from an alternative group of friends, for example artists, musicians etc. and I therefore am constantly surrounding myself with interesting people so i also find it difficult to fit in with the "norm". If you dont mind me asking, why did you move away from NYC? It sounds as though it was perfect for you!

I dont think that you should push yourself to make friends if you feel uncomfortable doing so and perhaps set your sights further afield, maybe move away or if thats not an option, maybe you could go out of your way to be friendly to these people. Ask them out for lunch instead of waiting to be asked, maybe they think that your more of a loner. You can't judge a book by its cover which can work both ways. Try and get to know your colleagues

[Avatar Nirvana]

I've been like that all of my life. I even feel like that in my own family. I say move back to New York City. It is my favorite city and you see people from all walks of life; something I really didn't get growing up on Long Island or even where I'm currently going to school in upstate New York.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'd rather be creative, lead an interesting life, with interesting people than just talk babies (no offense Little cause ya talk about more than that), and soapies...

You have the internet, at lunch yack away and laugh.. With these people, make a joke here or there so that they see you are actually quite funny and then they may actually want to know "who you are".. Instead of living in their little world

You both are living in your own worlds, so don't stress it.

Maybe they feel you are stand-of-ish and don't know how to approach you.

[Little]

Lol, CW, if you got into some soaps you'd see that they have a rich culture! But they're not for everyone, I know ...

Maybe you're taking these folks too much at face value, sp? There could be a lady or two in your workplace who love to geek out over anime and scifi stuff, but just hang out with the others because they're trying to fit in ... just like you are. Or maybe there's somebody who's got just enough of a "colorful streak" to make you feel not so lonely. I say, keep trying. Everybody was somebody before they were a mom, before they were a wife, before they let reality TV suck their brains out

There are a few shows on primetime now that fall in the SciFi genre ... Fringe and Touch on Fox are ones that come to mind. My husband loves them. Maybe there's somebody at your work who watches them, just because they're on? Doesn't know or care that they're scifi, maybe? You never know. Just keep inputting when there's something for you to say.

[DreamP346]

Moving back to NYC is not an option. Have kids and all. I have worked here 4 years and trust me, there is nothing beyond what I see in these people. Or they do not want to show it. I often talk about my own kids and they listen. I usually will say I am getting lunch from ETC place, anybody want some. Nobody ever really wants to go with me. Two years ago, my dog died. I was devastated and one of the people here saw me crying outside the office. She walked right by me. Everybody in the office sensed something was wrong, but nobody asked. In a way I am glad because I am one of those people that don't like to talk about my problems, especially at work, but when I see how much concern these ladies have for each other, I wonder why I don't ellicit the same reaction from them. Its true that I didn't tell anybody what was happening with my dog, but com'on. If you see somebody sitting outside the building crying and when they return inside with red eyes and sit really quietly at their desk for the next 3 days, wouldn't you ask if anything was wrong?

I hate to push my friendship on people who don't want it. So over the past year I have tried less and less to be friends with them. But at the same time, when you see it right in your face as they socialize with each other, it makes me feel really lonely. This is a really small office. Only 9 people, so when everybody else is really close, it really makes you feel like an outsider.

[Olympia]

sp346,

I have worked with the normal crowd, found it to be very uncomfortable. For me... I was the squeeky chair, the joker.....etc.... I drew their attention
had a bit of fun but at the end of the day, went our separate ways. I was much younger then and had friends like me to play after business hours. If
I were to be located in a different part of the world, at that time.... Well, I would more than likely have been looking for work, as that would have
effected me similar to you. I enjoy being different, and do tend to warm up to those that don't walk a straight line. (in a figure of speech) I like an
interesting mix, with an occational regular, or a nut or two! Bet your glad you have us to chat with...? (one of the nuts!) teehee!

[jns]

sp346, you are describing how the small town I grew up in was and is, but without private schools. Do you live in a small town or village? There are probably others out there that are similar to you in what they like, etc., but they are isolated by distance and the fact that they don't fit into the "ordinary" crowd. The problem is finding them and having fun together once in a while. Maybe scheduling a trip to the city once in a while would be good to help you connect again.

[BabyGirl]

Sp346

Are you allowed to have things on your Desk, like Personal Items, do you have a Dress Code ?
is there a way you can show your " interests " without " stepping out of Company Policy ? You could print out an Favorite Anime Pic and frame it. Anime is fairly " Cartoonish " so it may make someone look twice and ask about it.

Even a Anime T~shirt, worn with nice slacks, Something out of the Ordinary, but Artistic ?
You say you have kids, are they in the same school as any of the others , near ages of others kids.

Summer isn't too far off, are there Fairs or Events coming up that could be seen as a Group meet together , where you may run into Co~workers after work ? What about the PTA, Do you have time to Volunteer anywhere. There are plenty of Places outside of work to make Friends. Sometimes it's just getting " Out There ".

I'm sure their are Art classes or other Talented Venues there, I am sure there are " Festivals " there, and I'm sure there are Gay families there . Maybe you can do a Research on " forums or Chats " in your Nearest Area.

Sorry about your Dog hun,and no one asking you.. But maybe you have a " Do Not Touch " Thing" that others see and you don't ? They may not want to Intrude, May not have wanted to be " Involved " if they could have thought it was a " Spousal " thing That you were Crying about .

It can be Seriously very hard to have 9 people be the Best-est of Friends, that all work together , in the same Room.. Also there is a Rank & File there. One that maybe you are afraid of " Losing the Job, or Afraid of Distancing further ".

You can try,
Walking in Daily, Smiling ( even if you don't want to ) Greet each person by Name , when you see them , ask, non sequential Questions about ( what you heard them talk about ) ' How's lil Johnny feeling this Morning, is it going around , hope my Lil Mary doesn't get it " .
Maybe ask or tell them about a Good Haircut place.. Anything to Start a Simple Convo.

If all they talk about is the " Soap Opera's ", maybe watch one on a day off . Might give you an Understanding, of WTF they are all " Gossiping About ".

** I seriously used to Hate Greys Anatomy, until I actually and Accidentally, got caught up in it . Though I am a Recovering 30 year " General Hospital " Out patient .. lol If I watched GH today, I'd be worried just Who Luke and Laura's Grand kids, Thrice removed from accidental Deaths of Parents and Lost Loves and are they Marrying within the Quartmaine family, that had most of the deaths caused or interfered with ? **
Get My Drift ?
Lmao then again . look up Dark Shadows .. hehehehe . GH and Edge of Night were Awesome ..

Another thing , Kids are so Into Sci~Fi, and so are the Parents .. The Parents just don't know it. Though some may, but not admit it . The Twilight Series is one. It is Science & Fiction, It may have happened or May not have to you.

The Army Wives and Desperate Housewives are only Fiction to those who have not been Involved in those Situations.
CSI and other shows, Are studying what and how far we have come ( with some Speed up on results ) But it is also Science. And Fiction , only Means Not Truth. Not Proven .

So walking in, with your Best Smile and Attitude, will leave them Wondering.. WTF is up with Her ??
Confidence, Secure in Yourself, Pleasant * ALWAYS * Business Friendly and Respect. * Always*
unapproachable * Never *...

You may just need to " Do Your Job, with People who do their Jobs " and then do Your Home and Happy Job ?

Or After Work life.

Which is a New Sci~Fi possibility .