[Avatar Nirvana]

I met a girl online 10 years ago and we were best friends for 4 years until 2009. Since then, I barely speak to her because she hurt me in 2009. What happened was she was a moderator of a site we belonged to and did not ban the people who were constantly bullying me and others. She knew how much pain I was in, but she did nothing. Since the other moderator was an enemy of everyone (I mentioned her here https://www.womens-health.com/boards...-her-deal.html as well as my current status about her.) and the site administrator was nowhere to be found, she was the only person I could turn to. She was like my big sister before this.

I want to confront her about this, but I don't know how. Any advice?

[Brandywine]

Since it has been 4 years, you have had much time to think about this situation and your relationship with her. Are you ready to forgive her? Do you want to try to salvage the relationship? If so, I would definitely be honest with her about how much it hurt you, but also let her know that you are ready to move on. See if she recognizes the hurt she caused you and is willing to appologize. Even if she doesn't apologize but you truly forgive her, will it be enough for you to get it off of your chest and move on?

I would decide what you want to take away from initiating conversation with her. And go about it without any expectations from her.

[KMonte85]

What do you intend to gain from confronting her about something that hurt your feelings 4 years ago?

It's one thing to be hurt, but you're only punishing yourself if you continue to let this hurt you after so long. And I don't know if you expect her to validate your feelings, but after being such good friends and with the ample time of 4 years I would think if she felt remorse about it, she would have said something already.

I think it is time you let this go...

[lizzardb63]

I agree with KMonte, if an old friend of mine confronted me of something I did 4 years ago, I'd wonder why they even care anymore or why it still bothers them. I'd apologize, but then probably not say much more about it, because frankly if you can go 4 years without speaking there would be no other reason to continue after that and I think by bringing up old issues you could just build more tension between the two of you. She may resent you for he fact that the only reason you spoke with her is to bring up old issues and confront her about things that happened 4 years ago.

[Avatar Nirvana]

We haven't spoken in 3 years, not 4. Before we barely spoke to each other we were best friends.

I really thought that doing so will bring up past issues. Also what I find weird is that after years of knowing each other, she would tell me personal things like her sister's name. What if I told her if she asks me why we don't speak?

[lizzardb63]

The only way that I could see this turning out sincere is if you tried reconnecting with her because you truly wanted to be her friend again and that you honestly missed her, but the real reason you're wanting to contact her is to tell her how much she hurt you. What happens if she never asks? Are you just going to non-chalantly bring it up? Again I think that would revert back to her thinking the onyl reason you're talking to her is because you want to bring up old issues, which...isn't that the truth? Since you don't talk, can't you just let it go?

[KMonte85]

I don't think you're going to get the satisfaction your seeking from picking up this issue again. So it was 3 years and not 4, does that really make it that much better to bring it up again how her actions made you feel?

If she honestly cared why you stopped talking to her since 2009, this topic would have been broached back in 2009. I truly think you're only going to be hurt more if you try to validate something your feeling by talking to her. I don't even know this person, but I can pretty much guarantee that she's not going to respond in the way you want her to.

[lizzardb63]

I just think you missed your window.

[Avatar Nirvana]

I do miss being her friend, but the problem is I can't forget what she did. Out of all of the people in my life who I thought would never hurt me, she did.

[Olympia]

Avatar Nirvana,
If you did speak to her about those hurts, what response would appease you..? What if...???? You are hoping that a certain response would mend the
pain. You trusted her once, she did not respect that. Now, after 4 years you still carry this pain. By my way of thinking, you quite possibly may be setting
yourself up for more pain and regret. As KMonte stated, it may be time to let it go.