[jaybird16]

My boyfriend and i have been dating for a year. The other day i looked at his facebook messages cause i saw that he had a new message from a girl and i was curious. He asked her do you wanna **** again? she asks, again? he goes mhm and she says of course. He said that his nephew devon said that and i asked his nephew and he said he did cause the girl wanted my boyfriend and he thought it was funny. Then i confronted the girl about it and she said yes they did have sex. I was looking through the messages and she says to him. I am not lying to your girlfriend it would be wrong to lie to her and if you really did love her, you would tell her the truth. He says, omg you are ruining my life. Then i was about to break up with him and he was like i sware to you i would never do that knowing i would lose you and i believed him but i still feel like i can't trust him. Last night i texted his best friend and pretending it was him. I was like to his friend, should i tell my girlfriend i cheated. His friend said nah bro, don't be the bad guy. I got so upset with my boyfriend. He told me to settle down and said that he loved me and looked me in the eyes and said to trust. I love him so much and what if he is telling the truth? He keeps denying it and if he really did do it wouldn't he tell me. advice please?

[jaybird16]

bvngngjnghnhn

[Stillness]

The human mind looks for patterns. Sometimes it invents a pattern that's not really there, like a bunny in the clouds or a voice calling us out of a crowd. But in most cases it accurately presents reality or we wouldn't be able to navigate through life. The problem comes in when the picture it presents is not what we want to see or when we see what we fear simply because we fear it. We have to use reason to overcome the bias. Is it reasonable to believe that

1. A girl sent a message to his account but meant it for his nephew
2. The girl who had an intimate relationship with his nephew lied to you about your boyfriend
3. An innocent man would have a conversation where this young lady is saying she won't lie and he doesn't deny the sex but only protests her telling you
4. An innocent man's best friend would seem to have knowledge of him cheating and tell him to withhold it from you

What do you think? Are you seeing something that's not there because you're unreasonable or would you be unreasonable to overlook the pattern your mind is showing you?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey, you say you've been "dating" for a year.

If I was with someone I believed I was in a committed relationship, I would be saying "my boyfriend of 12 mnths"... So, do you believe you still really are just "dating"....

[Little]

Let's suppose he really is a cheater for a second. You've found out that he cheated, you've gotten corroborating evidence, you've confronted him about it, yet you're still with him just because he hasn't confessed. So why WOULD he confess? His fear is losing you. Lying to you is getting him what he wants. Telling you the truth would "ruin his life."

Now, let's suppose he did NOT cheat - why were you snooping? What's wrong in your relationship that makes you "curious" about a message from a girl? What in your relationship makes you believe that he could cheat? Is there a part of you that wants him to have cheated so that you can leave the relationship?

Either way, you've got a problem - a problem in his cheating, or a problem in your trust ... maybe even both. You may never know for sure whether he's cheating, but you can know for sure whether you want to be in the relationship. Is it over for you?

[Ashlee T.]

Not trying to sound harsh here...but I'm not sure what else it would take to show you you're with someone who is dishonest. Is he going to have to wear a flashing "I'm a CHEATER" sign?? Girl....at this point your intuitions are screaming at you. You don't trust him because he's given you plenty of reason NOT to. You'd be a fool to trust him so stop beating yourself up over feeling jealousy. Your guard is up for a reason. He sounds very immature, probably does care about you, but is not ready to seriously be with one girl and one girl only.

When a man looks you in the eyes and tells you to trust him.........yet every single part of your being screams at you NOT to.....who do you listen to? You listen to you. You listen to your intuitions. I had a guy grab me by the shoulders (not in a mean way...) look me in the eyes and say "I love you, I will never hurt you...I will never lie to you". When I didn't respond he said "Tell me you trust that...tell me you trust me". He was intent on it. I finally said "Ok, I trust you". For that entire year, he was cheating on me. So see... you can't always listen to the words just because he's saying what he knows you want to hear. You have to look at the whole picture.

You're going to let this relationship drive you bonkers. And all for a guy that cheats on you. Is he really worth all the stress and gut wrenching worry he's causing you right now? A guy who cheats...is he really worth it?

[SweetPeaches]

Ah time to move on and find a guy who actually is honest and respects you. That's all I can say.