[JR1]

I'm 22 and pretty new to relationships. I've always had a pretty strong group of girl friends and guy friends, but never boyfriends. I consider myself social, but really appreciate my alone time.

I had one relationship where the guy got pretty physically aggressive and ended up freaking me out pretty bad... calling me horrible names and borderline stalking me (15 texts, voicemails, angry house visits) because I wouldn't sleep with him.

I'm currently in a relationship with a guy, this is my first serious relationship. I've known him for a few years, but only a few months ago did it become something more than just friends. When we are together, it is very easy, fun, and I'm fine! We see each other anywhere from 2 to 4 times a week, have mutual friends in common...

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I tend to totally freak out whenever he texts too frequently, or if he wants to get together three or four nights in a row. I understand that he wants to spend time together, and I do too, but theres some sort of switch that flips and I feel claustrophobic and sometimes end up cancelling plans because I need space. What's frustrating is that it's not anything he's doing that is unreasonable... I just feel like I can't always handle the pressure of a relationship.

I've talked to him about this a little before... just saying that I've been alone for 21 years and tend to be a little independent.

These mental breakdowns on my part get so bad that I consider breaking up with him because it might be easier to just "deal with me," and not put someone else through my issues. But then, when I'm out with him, it's like it's no big deal and we are fine!

[DreamP346]

Maybe you should tell him about your past experience and why you sometime freak out and need space at times. Trying to meet several times a week at the beginning of a relationship is pretty normal when you are really into each other. But tell him that you would feel more comfortable if you set limits. Maybe meet once a week. Both of you agee to a set amount of time together. This way you are not wondering if that second date this week is too clingy versus just wanting to see you.

[I_Am_A_Man]

I can tell you that as a guy, I am totally conscious of this idea of being too clingy. I would love to see my gf 5 or 6 times per week but I now understand how important it is to miss someone and have a life outside of the relationship.

Speaking completely honestly here - and this is a theory of mine based on my own experience - guys tend to be the clingy ones in the relationship because we have a much higher sex drive. The more we can see our gf, the greater our chances of having sex. This is fact and it is nature (assuming you are sexually active). Men think about sex hundreds of times each day and we crave it. Not saying he is only after sex, but I am saying that he (we) NEED it to feel validated by our gf. I have been that clingy guy before and it is so hard to be the one wanting to get together while your gf wants her space.

[DreamP346]

Speaking completely honestly here - and this is a theory of mine based on my own experience - guys tend to be the clingy ones in the relationship because we have a much higher sex drive. The more we can see our gf, the greater our chances of having sex. This is fact and it is nature (assuming you are sexually active). Men think about sex hundreds of times each day and we crave it. Not saying he is only after sex, but I am saying that he (we) NEED it to feel validated by our gf. I have been that clingy guy before and it is so hard to be the one wanting to get together while your gf wants her space.

Don't be so sure men are the only ones who need to be validated with sex or have a great desire for sex. Many women desire sex just as much. Why do you think women also engage in casual sex. Your gender won't determine if you are more sexual or needy. Its true that society teaches certain values, but that does not mean that is the natural way. Also, wanting to see somebody can be beyond sex. Many times there is a desire to spend time with that individual, sometimes knowing that sex won't be part of it. That is attraction.

Each person has their own definition of space. It can also be influenced by what a person is looking for in life at the moment. For example, if somebody is just looking for a good time, they will probably limit their time together to the weekends. But if they are really attracted to the person with possible long term possibilities, they may quickly reach the everyday phone call point because there is this draw to want to know the person and just be with them. Sometimes, people don't come to this point at the same time. That's when they seem clingy/needy. But for a person falling in love, that behavior will be desirable and sought after.

Just be aware that its different for each person.

[I_Am_A_Man]

never said women didn't need it as much, if not more than men. Just said that many of us men see sex as the ultimate validation. I know I never feel better than I do after having just had sex with a woman I care about. Im sure the same can be said for many women. I was just throwing out a perspective.

I know with some women I have dated, I would spend all day with them even if they told me up front that we wouldn't be having sex. Bottom line, humans need other human interaction and affection.