[KMonte85]

I really don't know what you want us to tell you...

You say you love this girl, and leaving her would be the greatest pain you've ever felt. Then you say staying with her and having to know that she's been with other men is tearing you up inside and creating the greatest pain you've ever felt that you can't seem to get past. You can't have it both ways. You must know this. So what do you want?

I have a sneaking suspicion that if she were not supporting you and your family, you would already have moved on from this relationship. As it is now, you're too dependant on her to remove yourself from the situation. I'm sure you care for her greatly, but this undying love you speak of doesn't seem to ring true through your words here. If you truly, absolutely love someone, you love them flaws and all, you recognize that they may not be perfect, but they are human and they hold your heart. As someone with a strong Christain backround, I would imagine you've read the Holy Bible. Did you skim past 1 Corinthians 13, 4:8?

This needs to stop. This torment... there is nothing this woman can do to appease you or calm your obsessive thoughts about her sexual history. You've said it yourself, you don't believe this is something you will every get over or come to terms with. And the pain you feel for thinking about her sexual past has ruined your positive outlook on life. What benefit are you bringing yourself by staying in the relationship (OTHER THAN MONETARY)? And how do you possibly think you would make a good husband, when you can't stand your wife and you torture yourself with her past daily, to the point that you're ruining yourself? This just seems crazy to me...

[notlikethenormal]

Maybe she needs someone else to talk to about these things in her past? Someone that doesn't know either of you and will not judge. I'd think maybe just getting all of it off her chest will help.

I'm confused as to why she keeps bringing it up, I can understand wanting to help my SO through pain but to create the pain then put salt in the wound by rehashing it over and over is torcher... to you both.

[Hugo-B]

I got about halfway down the OP's original post and gave up.

OP, if you don't mind me asking, did you have a n absent, or emotionally absent mother by any chance?

You need to split up with this girl and concentrate on working through the issues you have, you are not psychologically nor emotionally fir for any kind of relationship.

Good luck, forget about your girls past and concentrate on your own future.

[Hopeless Dork]

I personally think counseling for you may help you, with your life... and not just this relationship. Being utterly in devistation mode for any reason... isn't healthy. Your talking nightmares and daymares and your coping skills seem to be suffering greatly.

Even if you were to be with a woman that had never touched a man before, these fears could pop into your mind because someones past is in no way an indicator of what future activities they may indulge in. Some sexually inexperienced women and men that settle down feel a need to see what else is out there... and stray. And some sexually experienced folks, feel content being with one person.. they've seen the grass on the otherside.. they know what they have and want to be where they are.

You just never know. But living in paranoia is no way to live, living with ghosts from the past, it all sounds like just self-induced misery to me. Not that I'm blaming you for it, I'm saying their may be some deeply rooted issues that have not yet hit your conscious mind.

People are not what they did before, they are who they are today, who they are becoming for tomorrow. The sooner you come to grips with that, the happier you will be. Dont put your love's past on trial over and over again. It is the mistakes we make in life that build the person we are, its is our pasts that lead us to our presents and its sometimes a rocky road finding our way.