[Melrose]

Hello,
I am new to this website and I was reading a few of the forums....very interesting.
This afternoon my partner left to go visit his mates about 6 hours away. He has been planning to visit them for a while now
and he is staying until Friday (so five nights).
I have seen other relationships where the girlfriend always tries to control her partner to the point where even I feel sorry
for him, but at the same time the temptation of having my partner all to myself is always present. I am not a controlling girlfriend because
I know that he needs his own 'guy time' or whatever, but since he left all I feel like doing is crying.
I don't know what the go is, I am just weird. It's like I can't function properly without him, I just feel like nothing will
satisfy me.
When he is at work or gone shopping I don't have this issue at all, it's just when he goes away for more than two days that
I feel like this. It really does my head in and chocolate doesn't seem to fix the situation.
I know they say that if you control your partner in that way it will push him away, but I don't control him so I don't worry
about losing him, I know he loves me. But it doesn't change the fact that when he is gone I feel like nothing can help me.

I am guessing this feeling is kind of normal, especially if he is your first love. But it seems to be gradually getting worse with time and sometimes I ask myself if there is something wrong with me.

[Hugo-B]

I actually did LOL at the chocolate bit! know men can get possessive (usually flowing from a direct fear that their SO will meet someone else) but what you describe seems to be more of an emotional thing, kudos for admitting it, it's not always easy to acknowledge our fears and it's even harder to combat them.

You're also correct that jealous, possessive attempts at controlling someone will drive them away quick sharp, there's nothing more off putting, trust me. I think you are doing the right thing letting him have his own life so he can spend time pursuing his own interests.

If my GF went away for a week I would at least a text or phone call each day, I think that is reasonable. Does your BF maintain contact with you?

You don't give much info about yourself, but just in case I would like to mention that it's never a good idea to centre your life and all of your happiness around another person/relationship. I don't know if you are or not, I'd just like to throw that out there. Do you have many hobbies or interests outside of the relationship? Anything to occupy yourself with?

When I'm with someone I think there should be three aspects of our relationship: my life, her life, and our life. I think things can get unhealthy if one is absent.

Good luck, I'm sure he's missing you too!

[Melrose]

He does love me, I know he does. I am just too clingy and I can't really understand my intentions.
He is back from his holiday now and currently sitting at his computer playing video games...hahaha!!! But the feeling has gone now that he is back.

Like I said, he goes to work five days a weeks etc...I do not care at all. But when he goes on holiday to see his mates I just feel like
saying no he can't go.
I do need to do more hobbies and find my own activities to take my mind off things when he is not around....I guess that is the best advice you can
give someone in a situation like this. I actually don't mind locking myself away in our room and turning music up loud to sing when he is not around. That always makes me happy

Thanks heaps guys

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think it's the fear of loss.

You seem to be ok, when he works... But, when he is with mates, you seem to fear that they may lead him astray? And, you may lose him?

If that is the case, you need to work on yourself and that means become independent, know who you are, know that you are safe because if he tried it pftttt, you don't care, heart will hurt but there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[Melrose]

I think it is to an extent. It's like I trust him but I don't....it's weird. He has never done anything to suggest any form of cheating
but I am the kind of person to not trust anyone....I guess you could lead it back to my childhood.
I am scared to trust anyone but my mother, it is how I have always been and I have even told my partner that.

But yeah I need to just take a chill pill and go party with my friends 'girls night out' haha

[Alexandra27]

Sounds like you're the type of person who doesn't let their guard down easily. =] in terms of trust. That's ok, it's not a bad thing, just make sure it doesn't stop you from communicating and being reasonably open with your boyfriend. If you don't feel complete trust with your relationship right now, there doesn't have to be any reason other than the fact you're just not quite there yet. Trust is so important in a relationship, it needs to be solid and it shouldn't be something that is forced. It will come with time =]

About the attachment thing - just be careful of becoming too dependent on him. I think that's the main thing I've seen happen with my friends and their relationships. Everything you've said I think is common, in both healthy and unhealthy relationships. But if you maintain a healthy and happy relationship (which it sounds like you do), then you naturally get comfortable with them being in your life - great! But only to a certain extent; If you get too comfortable it can become negative, for some people it's like their love slowly becomes their life, not just a part of it. It could be really dangerous if you don't recognize it happening too - naturally if your partner goes away, you're left feeling a little lonely. Or even feeling slightly like your life is a bit empty until he/she comes back. Fair enough. You love them, you miss them. It's ok and it's normal, but it shouldn't get to the point where you describe it as depressing. From my personal experience - I'd just advise, that you have things going about in YOUR life that are just yours. Maybe a good thing to do is to have one or two hobbies/activities in your life, that don't involve your partner. make sure you still have things of your own.

By the way - everyone's different, but I know for me, I find it harder to be left, than being the one to leave. You're probably the same? As in: When I drive over to my boyfriends, then drive home - it's easier because I'm the one going somewhere and I'm focusing on other things like what I'm doing when I get home. If it's the other way around and he's going off home, then I'm just left sitting there. So in that little moment where you've just said goodbye and sat down, it's much easier to slip into a blue state or feel alone. You need to distract your brain before that feeling becomes so serious. Eventually, hopefully, it will become natural, and you won't have to try to busy yourself etc.

Hope I helped =]