[peppylou]

A couple weeks ago I was away from home to visit family. I was away for 2 weeks.

I found text messages on my husbands phone to his brother. He was talking about watching the cute little neighbor across the street, and how he would like to pull her over. His brother says do it, and he says I would if I could. I notice him watching over there a lot. I also found out he went to a strip club. Now of course I confronted him about it, and that I feel like I am not good enough. We have great sex and I am more actively after it more than him, the past 10 years or so he has been battling what the doctors say is depression, he is always tired. So one of the statements I made to him was you cans't even take care of me how would you handle a young girl. He says it has nothing to do with me and that I don't understand men.

I am having trouble getting over the emotional part I guess, and am now insecure, when before I never had a doubt about our relationship.

Is this normal for men?

[jns]

He may referring to the Coolidge effect. Google [Coolidge effect] for a description, maybe using the one on Wikipedia.

He should not be playing juvenile games.

[peppylou]

Thanks that helps somewhat, I really do not feel he would act upon those effects, but still hurts me and now I am very watchful of his actions. I am also wondering this... we are in our 40s and he has a new career and works with mostly men in there 20s. Could all of their conversations be making him hit a middle age crisis?

[BabyGirl]

I found text messages on my husbands phone to his brother. He was talking about watching the cute little neighbor across the street, and how he would like to pull her over. His brother says do it, and he says I would if I could. I notice him watching over there a lot.

Do you have Kids ? If so, any of them a Girl, if not got any Nieces ? Would Hubby " watch them " like he does this " Cute Chick " ? Would he want some Older Guys Watching his Daughter or some other Young Female family member like that ?

What does the " pull her over mean " , is he a Cop ? Or does he mean bring her to your home and Do the Wild thing ?

Now of course I confronted him about it, and that I feel like I am not good enough. We have great sex and I am more actively after it more than him, the past 10 years or so he has been battling what the doctors say is depression, he is always tired. So one of the statements I made to him was you can't even take care of me how would you handle a young girl. He says it has nothing to do with me and that I don't understand men.

You are Good enough and possibly Too Good for him !!
I'd tell him that you Understand Men, quite well. Men may look at young things, wish they were Younger themselves.
But Married and Responsible and Loving Men. Will... maybe look once, Reminisce about what used to be and then Get busy Loving their Wife,. Loving how they changed and Grew Together .

He may need a bit more Counseling with his Psych Dr. One thing for Sure is that
Depression is not cured or Helped .. By Staring or Watching " Cute Chicks ".

And I am in NO WAY, accusing or Saying this is Your Hubby .

But how many Wives and Families are Thrown for a Loop, Lives Devastated, when they find out their Hubby, was the one who Kidnapped, Assaulted or Raped or Killed the " Missing Child or Woman " in their Neighborhood ?
99.99 % had no Idea, but in Hindsight, they saw " Signs and Red Flags "..

You are having some Red Flag Issues now in your Relationship as it is . It's time to Nip-it in the Bud.

Don't Ask him, Don't Accuse him.. Just tell him .

That ..

If he keeps Watching her "Voyeurism".. You will walk over, introduce yourself and tell the " Cute Chick " that she should be aware that Your Husband is spending quite allot of Time " Watching Her " and that it is kind of Creepy, but you have told his Mental Heath Professional about his Newest Fixation.. ( Being Watching Women )

I am Sure he will either Stop and of Course be Offended or he will just keep doing it behind your back . At which case, I'd keep notes of Times and Dates ..
Just in Case .