[Ives]

First of all - WOW! I haven't been on this forum in ages! I guess life just got in the way!
I apologize in advance for this being a bit lengthy but I'll try to get right into the issue at hand here.

I'm dating someone (the same guy I posted about in the past if anyone recalls) and I'd like to get another outside opinion on our relationship.
I was talking to a friend a couple months ago and we got into SOME details regarding my relationship. I'll admit I didn't share everything but just based on what we discussed, she mentioned that the relationship seemed....abusive. Weird for me to hear since the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. This is definitely not occurring in my relationship. I am aware of other types of abuse as well...
I'll list a few examples of events that occur more frequently in my relationship.
- My boyfriend gets very angry if I have another male's number on my phone or on social media (including friends that I've had for years, even since childhood)
- He constantly quotes what I write on social media, although he says he never reads it as he "doesn't care." He uses certain things that I write in order to turn them against me and make them into something that they were not intended to be or simply to irritate me.
- When we are in the car driving somewhere, he constantly keeps the windows rolled up, especially on my side. When I attempt to open my window, he becomes angry and closes it again. I believe he doesn't want people to look at me as they drive by since a couple of men have made inappropriate comments in the past (?) He's even said and I quote "You don't need people looking at you" before closing the window. This seems ridiculous to me?
- He tells me that I do not have any "real friends" and that they don't actually like me. I'm reminded of this quite often. He tells me I don't have anyone to go out with (friends) and that the "whole city" knows who I "really" am...What this means, I'll never know.....
- Lastly, he seems to find a way to make everything MY fault. If we have an argument that I know HE started, it ends up being MY fault. I'm not saying that I'm never at fault; I can accept the fact that I'm not perfect. He becomes moody, it seems, out of nowhere sometimes. He has a hard time staying awake - in general. It's very odd. Even on days when he's had quite a bit of sleep and did not have work, he's out cold by about 7 PM....It's very irritating when we're trying to watch a movie or spend time together and he's snoring right beside me and the sun hasn't even set yet. This causes many fights too and, you guessed it, it's because of me!? Apparently I'm "too boring" to keep him awake... That's just an example of little things he picks on me for. I could go on for days.

Is this immaturity? Abuse? Anyone have any ideas what could be causing this?
Thank you to everyone that read and provides their opinion!

[DreamP346]

Not sure I would label it as abuse, but definitely controlling and unhealthy. But it does sound like something that can easily become an abusive relationship. Some of the classic examples of abuser is to isolate their victims from their friends so they have no social support and cannot leave their abusers. Also, putting the blame on you is a classic example too. It really sounds like he is the type of guy that will become abusive. He also sounds a little stalker like. I would serious rethink this relationship and get out now.

[danny112]

Very controlling and possessive. And could easily transfer to emotional and verbal abuse...

You might need to lay down the law and open his eyes. Sounds like he may need some counseling and sometimes people have to be pushed into that

[Magnetism]

This is all emotional abuse- Guilting, screaming, put-downs and controlling you. Abuse doesn't have to be physical, and abusive relationships can have their good times. Some men like this can be very loving the next minute.

Regarding counseling, he has to be willing to admit his faults and work towards change. If he's not willing to take responsibility for his actions and continues to blame you, then the relationships may just stop there.

[Ahryin]

The only reason I don't want to label it as abuse is because I haven't heard any of your rebutals...what do you do or say when these things occur? Do you just take it and allow it because you are avoiding conflict..what happens when you defend yourself verbally?
Here is my thing....you are obviously OK with this type of relationship...he can only give what you accept...
for one i'm not driving in any car with any man if I can't roll my window down...He would really dislike me because I would probably bring a block of wood and put it on the side of the window so it can't roll up and look at him dead in his eyes like roll it up now!!!! When he fell to sleep I would put on sports and get that horn to blow and blow it every single time he snored. While wearing lingerie and tell him I bore him to much to allow him to touch me. LOL i'm not good in those relationships, i'm a born rebel with a quick and hard left jab. When he tells me about what people think about the "real" me I would demand an answer because one of us would have a problem if you don't like the person I am WHY are you with me???
At the end of the day it's YOUR standards regarding relationships, regarding how you want to be treated and how you want to be loved. it all boils down to this "Know YOUR Worth" you obviously don't have a problem with attracting men so why are YOU with him? Have you made a Pro's and Con's list for your relationship? Is it even worth it? My mental peace is worth a lot to me, and when i'm home cuddled up with the person I love after a long hard day....that comfort is important. Deal with stress and craziness on the outside but NOT in my home...my home is my shelter my land of sanity...think about it.

[TeenageDream]

Wow. This guy seems really posessive. Honestly, I think for your own safety you should leave. Maybe it's drastic but what if something happens in the future? Now, I dont know what kind of guy he is other than what you posted, but I dont want you (or any guy you may be in contact with) to get physically hurt EVER because of this guys clear posession of you.

Good luck and stay safe