[notlikethenormal]

So I just found out my boyfriend was having sex with someone else while we were "seperated." This was over a year ago, around the very same time we became pregnant with our son. I put sperated in quotes because in my opinion we were just having an arguement, not broken up or seperated. He was staying at someone else's house but we spoke every day and not one day went by that we didn't say I love you to each other. Uh... nothing about that says "its okay to see other people" am I right??

He's still communicating with her. Everything about this screams INAPPROPRIATE to me. He says they have been friends for more than 10 years, that they are only friends...

Total BS... after you cross the line and have sex there is no going back to being just friends, especially if you've known this person for years and years it sure looks to me like you were just waiting for the oppertunity to be with each other.

So what would you think? is this inappropriate for him to be carrying on a relationship with her still even if it really is friendly?

Or should I get over it and "stop trying to control" who he is friends with??

[lizzardb63]

Well it's understandable why you feel the way you do. You feel cheated on and if he truly loved you he'd cut off all ties with this girl to prove he still only wants you, but... perhaps it really was just a mistake and all they are to each other are just friends. I had sex with a friend once and we're still JUST friends. Sometimes it happens. Does it make it right?? NO.

Have you ever met this friend of his before?

[rosekitten]

Just for some perspective, I've had sex with many of my friends. We're still just friends, and my husband doesn't mind, because he knows that we are just friends.

[Hugo-B]

Just for some perspective, I've had sex with many of my friends. We're still just friends, and my husband doesn't mind, because he knows that we are just friends.

I would find it weird to have sex with a friend. If I meet someone new then have sex with them, and then stay friends that is OK, but having sex with a friend would be weird to me.

NLN: If I were your BF I would expect to be in a lot of trouble based on what you're saying, because according to your version of circumstances he was technically cheating on you. If he genuinely thought the two of you were on a break then that is somewhat different.

[notlikethenormal]

She gave the impression they were still in some kind of relationship though cause she was angry when she found out about him still being with me.

She wouldn't talk to me openly about their relationship, or her name so how am I to believe she is a friend?

He has been in slot of trouble lately.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

How do you know that she was angry when she found out about you?

If you have a baby together, then you have been together for a long time, yes? At least a year? And, he was living with you before staying at his mates place?

I'm asking this questions because, he said, they had been friends for 10 years, so if so, how could she not know about you?

I suspect you mean "he wouldn't talk openly", you do if you have nothing to hide, I think, unless you are the type of person who would create drama, trouble in which case, probably a person would just not divuldge anymore and let it lie.

Another question. How did you find out ?

[notlikethenormal]

I text her by accident trying to reach one of his friends, she called him all kinds of names during our text conversation. Saying she wanted nothing to do with him and he can go to ****.

We have been together over 5 years.

[rcoreyus]

IF he was in a relationship with her, at a time when you were not in a relationship with him, then that itself is not a problem.

I have no problem with someone communicating with a former lover, as long as the communication is clearly as friends, not lovers. I think it is very nice if someone can remain friends after a relationship ends.

OTOH - this sounds like he has not been honest with either you our her (or both) about the current state of his relationships - and that is a big problem.

[jns]

Just for some perspective, I've had sex with many of my friends. We're still just friends, and my husband doesn't mind, because he knows that we are just friends.

I would find it weird to have sex with a friend. If I meet someone new then have sex with them, and then stay friends that is OK, but having sex with a friend would be weird to me.

I am with bb on this. I would find it weird because I could not just have sex with a friend and let it be at that. I would try to see if it was going to go somewhere beyond friendship. And if it didn't, I probably couldn't go back to being just a friend, a real friend. But that is just me. That is not to say I couldn't have sex with a stranger that I wouldn't see again. Been there, done that.