[Lilianvans]

We've been dating for a year and 5 months now. Here's some things you need to know first off:
When we got together it was about 2 months after I got out of a 9 month relationship with a guy that denied having feelings for the girl who he ended up leaving me for (they have a kid now) anyways my exs girl was literally known for being the ****tiest girl at school, so that left me pretty broken and with the lowest self esteem.
After I got over it I began dating my now boyfriend, he is amazing, he shows me so much affection... I usually have a habit of breaking things off when times get tough in a relationship because I feel like there's no fixing it, when me and my boyfriend used to argue, he would try to make me jealous by putting a heart on a girls pic on fb, or flirt with girls I hated...it would crush me every time, but he always swore it wouldn't happen again, and it eventually stopped. But about a month or two ago I was reading his text messages only to find out he hid a girl he was texting under another name, and as soon as he came in I started punching him and beating him, he started crying. He told me it made him feel good cause he has low self esteem and so I understood and forgave him(I would've never forgiven anyone for something like that)

Anyways when I'm on my period or sometimes for no reason I feel like he makes me so angry, I have really low self esteem knowing I'm always replaced... And he does things I know he knows ****es me off.

He taunts me, and I know this because he does this with his own mom. Like if I'm really mad or sad about something, he'll chuckle or sarcastically talk to me.

Today we were playing mortal kombat (I have really bad temper in video games or in life) and he won every time, and he'd laugh when I lost, and if I did win even once he'd say it's cause I'm only kicking, and then also when id win he'd be like "awww babe you won" like since I'm a girl he's calling me weak so I started crying because I was so mad.
When he's being "nice" he sounds so sarcastic, and when I call him out on it he says I'm just making things up, that he's actually nice and makes me seem like the crazy one.

I'm so stressed out, when he used to flirt with girls on purpose he made me so unsure of him, I even used to fb stalk his ex and would compare myself.(she was rich, had louie vutton and was a popular Mexican hood girl)

I because so stressed, I scream when I feel like this, and I feel like hitting him cause he literally taunts me and idk what to do because every day he tells me he loves me so much and that he wishes I was nice to him, which makes me feel like a bad person...he really gets on my nerves, and I'm so tired of this. This past month had been miserable for me, and I just need to find my center..he gets to me so much, he knows exactly what makes me mad and he uses it against me...someone please help, I need help with my anger, self esteem and depression. I cry so much each week, and I'm exhausted. I do want to be with him, I just need to find a way I can be calm and happy around him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun

Welcome to the Forum.

But, can you not see that he baits you as well? Knowing you have anger issues? If it is his personality, then you can't change that..

You need to understand why you get so mad.. Some of the things you are saying, I would laugh at and playfully hit him on the arm for being so cheeky... But, it sets you off.

So you don't like to lose.
You don't feel you are worth anything major.
You live in fear of loss.


Sounds that you bottle things inside until they need to explode. Sounds as if this is very ground routed and has been around for years.

Ask yourself, why do you feel you are not worth it, that you aren't as pretty or rich as someone else and that that, seems to matter to you, when I bet you actually are beautiful and money is just money anyway.

Past boyfriends are exactly that, past. For a reason.. Pick yourself up and realise who you are.

What are your dreams, goals, passions in life?

PMT can be horrible for any woman, I suggest you see a Doctor about this and describe how you act and react and see what they suggest.

Utimately, you need to also see someone for anger but really the answer there is to delve deep into your past as far back as you can go and start forgiving anyone and everyone that ever hurt you or put you down and then face yourself in the mirror and realise what a beautiful girl you are inside and out.

[CTkid50]

Hi Lilianvans-I just want to give you a supportive hug and let you know that it does get better with talk therapy, if you are able to get to someone. ( I have to admit that I still go to a counselor AND take an antidepressant). It may be that the relationship you're in right now is not the one that is meant to be (as a permanent one). If you two can enjoy each other's company as friends, you're on the right track. I totally get the emotional explosive feelings- I used to get them too when I was much younger and hormonal. In my marriage, we fought with each other and were not supportive of each other's self esteem issues. It got to the point of no return and we had to divorce due to violence. My relationship now is totally different, I have been in it for 15 years. He is a wonderful, caring, supportive man and we never have those emotional outbursts or any kind of violence. Sometimes the chemistry between two people is just bad- that's what I believe anyway. Try to take some time to take care of yourself, read some inspirational books- I would recommend "The Pummeled Heart" if you can find it. C.S. Lewis books are kind of deep, but also enlightening. try to be gentle with yourself and love yourself for who you are and who you will become as a young woman.

[jns]

I agree you have to work on yourself, but you bf is very childish. Get someone who will treat you better. It will be a lot of the battle and it is cheaper than therapy.