[Hoda]

What if you found out your husband is watching porn on a regular basis and is lying to you, how would you feel?
He keeps telling me he loves me, but once during a fight he told me he wasn't happy with me in sex.
What is this considered to be?
Do you consider it cheating? because I certainly do!

[Stillness]

It would make me feel badly if my mate was watching pornography on a regular basis. It's not the same as having sex with another person, but I do feel it's a form of cheating. On the other hand, I also feel that failing to meet your mates reasonable desires for sex and affection so as to make them unhappy is a form of cheating. So if I found out that she was unsatisfied and her seeking fulfillment outside of our marriage was possibly a result of that, I would be worried less about labeling her a cheater and more about what I could do to satisfy her and have a strong marriage.

[Magnetism]

Stillness, you're a man right? I can offer a viewpoint on being the woman that likes porn where the man doesn't like it. My reason for porn is that it helps prep me up faster, since my body can take awhile to prepare for penetration. I'm one of those women where I'm mentally in the mood, but my body isn't catching up. The man I dated last year felt like I should get excited by him alone. It makes sense, but I prefer looking at women in porn and not men. I figured my male partner might enjoy looking at women with me, but he wasn't interested. He preferred me only.

I then had a previous therapist tell me that she didn't want me to look at porn, because it degrades women and that it's not a healthy approach to sex.

[margie123]

Stillness, you're a man right? I can offer a viewpoint on being the woman that likes porn where the man doesn't like it. My reason for porn is that it helps prep me up faster, since my body can take awhile to prepare for penetration. I'm one of those women where I'm mentally in the mood, but my body isn't catching up. The man I dated last year felt like I should get excited by him alone. It makes sense, but I prefer looking at women in porn and not men. I figured my male partner might enjoy looking at women with me, but he wasn't interested. He preferred me only.

I then had a previous therapist tell me that she didn't want me to look at porn, because it degrades women and that it's not a healthy approach to sex.

I did not mind at first, I agree it helps me get excited faster. I like it better when there's a story line & not just two people who's cloths are off in 1 second. But it has started to bother me when he has his eyes on the screen when he touching me & making love to me. I think there is a ok line. But I also hope he does not think all that happens on the screen is normal. I think also of times these people are hopped up on drugs.

[sexnlove]

My situation certainly is different. My husband watches porn and because he gets off to that all the time, he is not interested in me. Im beautiful and young. Porn could be watched together, I told him I would even like this but he refuses and wants to keep it a secret habit. I feel aweful. I want sex and am usually denied it. He also wont do anything with me(oral etc). He wants his porn and then fakes his orgasms and its cause of porn. I am debating leaving. Its hard...it depends on how YOU both feel. If one is not happy, then it is NOT ok. If he wants porn over you, and first its not ok. You have to agree. Good luck!

[Stillness]

Stillness, you're a man right?

Yes. I don't think gender matters in this case, though. The marital bond is sexual. If you're lying and sneaking around behind your partners back doing something sexual it's at least dishonest and at worst a threat to the bond.

I don't pretend to be a psychologist and I'm not trying to be all in your head, Magnetism, but I think a healthy relationship with someone else and yourself might put you in a position where pornography is unnecessary. Before we were married, my wife and I watched pornography together. We had a good time with it. We laughed and were turned on and tried stuff. We stopped doing it and our relationship and the sex is much better. We still explore and experience new things. It's expressive and erotic, but at the same time dignified and clean. I almost want to call it a more spiritual connection that we make. It's like comparing a Big Mac to a gourmet burger made from pasture-raised cattle cared for by the chef behind his five-star restaurant. The only source of unhappiness, and incidentally the thing that tempts me to turn back to pornography, is the infrequency. So I sympathize with the OP and their dissatisfied mate.

[rcoreyus]

OK I'm also male, but my $.02.

I view porn as equivalent to masturbation and sex toys. Not a problem as long as it is not being used INSTEAD of being intimate with your partner. If a man turns his wife down for sex, then watches porn, I think that is a very big problem. If he watches porn when she is not available or not interested in sex, then I think it is fine. (same of course for reversed genders)