[diana_6715]

Hello, I have a sister that has a chemical imbalance. She is on medication and for the most part has done okay. After she has not had an episode for a while she goes off her meds. During these periods she acts and does things that really angers me (understatement but trying to be nice). Some examples: She has hit our mother. She has pulled a kitchen knife on me (while holding my then infant daughter in my arms) just because I was trying to calm her down which took me years to even attempt to get close to her again. Recently she ruined her childs birthday party over something ****** and when I tried to reason with her she told me that, "We were to leave and she didn't want us around her or her children ever again". There are a LOT of other examples but I will spare you.

I have always been the peace maker in the family. I do not usually lose my cool. However, I find that I have hit a brick wall. I do not care to allow things to be smoothed over. I am just tired of all the drama. I am 35 years old and I just do not want to deal with it anymore.

My mom says I am being imature and selfish because my sister can't help herself when she gets that way & that she is not responsible for how she acts when her chemical imbalance is acting up and she has her "outburst". I say this is total ****, but that could just be the anger talking.

Anyways, my sister lives with my parents, which makes visiting them hard because I do not want to be around her much less in the same room. Which this makes my parents upset plus my kids upset because I will not let them go over there.

My sister has apologized but after so so so many "I'm sorries", it just doesn't seem to work on me anymore. I know I am not perfect but I can not help the way I feel either. Please help me. Do I turn the other cheek yet AGAIN, if so I need some advice on how to get pass the wall. Or do I stand firm and embrace being the "B**ch" that I am now being accused of being?

~Please respond, I need some unbiased opinions~ Thanks in advance.

[sourpuss]

I guess what I would do is reassure your sister that you love her and support her but at the same time you can't tolerate her behavior.

Maybe make a rule for yourself that if she is off her meds that you won't be over to visit. After all, you do have your children's safety to think about. And stand by your rule. If she is on her meds, make it a point to visit and spend time with her and the rest of your family. I guess it would be a way of reinforcing good behavior.

[Little]

I have the same issue with my mother, for the most part ...
So personally, I would do what you're doing, but for me too that could be the anger talking. And there's plenty of anger between my mother and me.
There comes a point where you can't take anymore and where she is acting so harshly you can't deal with it anymore. You should have called the police when she threatened you at knifepoint. If anything of the sort ever happens again, you definitely should involve the police. I didn't (for 19 years!) receive a break from my mother's irrational behavior until I moved into my adult sister's house last summer and she called the police on herself.
She wasn't on the right medication at the time, though, so perhaps your sister needs to update hers? I don't know.
Good luck.

[kaylar]

Too often we become the'human sacrifice'. We make ourselves
unhappy or uncomfortable to 'please' others, as if our lives
mean nothing.

We all know your sister can't help herself, and if, for
example, she killed you or your child, she would have a
very good excuse.

But you or your child would still be dead.

As she has violent tendencies, I would think, if anything
happened to your children in her presence you could be
held liable, as I don't see how children's services would
not instantly claim you exposed your children to danger
as you knew your sister was given to these kinds of fits.

I understand your feelings, and I think it is time for
you to put them first.

[diana_6715]

Thanks

I really appreciate everything you all said. I have felt such mixed emotions concerning this. Yesterday, I felt guilty so I accepted my sister's apology and we talked. I explained to her how angry and hurt I was/am but that I still loved her. Everything seemed to be working itself out for the time being.

I just did not realize that this reprieve would be so short. Tonight she wanted to take my oldest daughter out to eat and shopping. When I told her "No" and explained that she had school tomorrow so therefore a bedtime plus things she had to do since she was gone all weekend. My sister grabbed her children up and proceeded to tell them that they would never be over to my house again,,,,BLAH BLAH BLAH. I am sure you get the picture.

Now I feel so ignorant for allowing myself to even attempt trying to have a relationship with her. I stay so stressed out trying to walk on egg shells around my sister, wondering when she will have an outburst. But like Caroline said: I have to protect my family and our tomorrows.

Anyways, I just wanted to say "Thank You"....so Thank you for all the responses. Maybe oneday things will get better or maybe they won't, all we can do is live for today.

[JubesInquest]

Your mom should not tolerate your sister going off her meds like that.

I do know that there are people like that: they go off their medication and have fits of rage, and go after the people they love and that they know love them.
Does your sister act that way with total strangers? Does she wield weapons at them? Have "outburst" on a stranger?

If your sister is wielding knives at you and your kids, you'd do well to stay away from her, and talk to her ONLY on a phone and NOT in person. You never know when she's going to have an "outburst".

Also, if she's not careful, someone can call CPS on her and have her children removed from the home and possibley place your sister in an institution to force meds into her system.
She may not be held accountable for her actions should she go off her meds and hurt/harm you, your mother or anyone else in the family, but as long as the family knows that she does this, then the question becomes:
why didn't the family put her in a medical setting where she'd be forced to take her meds?
She must stay on her meds so that this does NOT happen.

Is she seeing a therapist? Is the therapist aware of these episodes? If so, has the therapist asked to talk to members of the family (maybe one-by-one, or as a group)?

A lot of questions here need to be answered, but for the most part, I would also have to keep my distance. I'd love her as my sister, but I wouldn't risk the health and safety of my children to be around her.
That is a big NO-NO.

Explain to your kids that their aunt acts differently when she doesn't take her medicine and that you prefer to keep them away from her when that happens.