[Chi84]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about a year. I live in Chicago and he just moved to Michigan for residency in july of this year. I have been visiting him every month eversince he moved and we'd talk on the phone everyday. Everything seemed fine and he's been telling me how much he loves and misses me and that he cannot wait until he moves back to Chicago. I am not used to the whole long distance relationship thing and i have been telling him lately that i don't know if how long i could deal with it. OVer the weekend i went to visit him and i found out he's been flirting thru text messages with another girl, i was so devastated. He said the only reason he did it was because he was scared he was losing me and that he has a thing about being alone. He asked for forgiveness and asked for another chance,he said either we move on from it or just break up. I am so confused,i don't know what to do. He broke my heart and trust. Any suggestions on how i should deal with this?Thanks.

[Little]

Are you going to be moving to Michigan anytime soon? Understand that a long-distance relationship is not for everybody and it's perfectly acceptable to require physical proximity from your partners. If there's no end in sight, maybe it's time to make one.

And do you really want to be with this guy because he "has a thing about being alone?" Or do you want to be with somebody who thinks you're the bomb diggety, best choice he could have made, and would never think of messing it up by flirting with another girl before your relationship is over?

[Chi84]

No,i don't think i'll be moving to michigan anytime soon. I don't know if i could move on from him texting another girl but at the same time i still do have a lot of feelings for him and i don't know if i should give up on us this easily.

[Little]

Should you give up on a guy who already prettymuch has your replacement lined up? But forget that. Let's pretend for a minute that this never happened and that he's an upstanding guy with no issues other than distance.

You have been honest with yourself AND him about how you're handing the distance and that you don't see yourself being able to cope with it for long. Listen to your feelings. It's very difficult to let go of a relationship that is otherwise healthy, but that has a fatal flaw. But understand that you've already admitted there is a FATAL flaw here. It's above and beyond anything he's done wrong. His life has taken him to Michigan and your life is not taking you there. Why torture yourself with a nonworking relationship for the foreseeable future, when you could let it go, both pursue healthy local relationships (though I don't think he will - from what you said, he'll pursue any woman who'll have him and flirt with him even though he has a girlfriend,) and revisit the connection if, at some time in the future, you live in the same location.

[Chi84]

Thanks,that sounds like a very good advice. Easy said than done though but i will try that. Do you have any ideas on what i should do to get over these feelings i still have for him? I sometimes feel like it's so hard to just let it go.

[Little]

Grieve the relationship like you would any that ended on a sour note. But grieve with the understanding that you are doing something healthy for yourself by moving on. Treat yourself well and try to recapture some of the fun things you did when you were single, before you met your boyfriend. Occupy yourself. Basically, the same things you're probably doing to get over missing him - but with the understanding that if a cute guy comes up to you at the bookstore when you're with your girlfriends, you can chat him up (and flirt with him via text!) with no worries, no strings, and no betrayals.

But also understand that your boyfriend will most likely move on very quickly. It is going to hurt when you hear about it. But it may make it easier for you to move on, since he will no longer be an option.

[sunnyjessey]

omg im soooo sorry that happened to you. it has happened to me before and it took me a few months to fully recover. don't do anything stupid though like key his car, just move on.

[Chi84]

I have been ignoring his texts and spending more time with other stuff. That drove him crazy, when I finally got to talk to him, he asked for forgiveNess again. He says he didn't realize he had a good girl and his life sucks without me in it. He wants to come see me in Chicago but I don't know if I should give him that chance. I honestly kinda feel bad because he was crying and bEgging me. He also said that what he did wasn't even considered real cheating since he sees me flirting with other guys infront of him( which is totally untrue, I'm just being friendly). This has been so hard because I do still love him.

[JennieBottle]

I'm so sorry!! **hugs** I know how you feel. I think a lot of us have been in this situation. You have to stay strong! Let me just tell you that he will say the sweetest things and act like this is a one-time thing just to get you back. But what is really best for you AND him? Well he needs to learn that this isn't right. And by forgiving him it will just tell him that he can be forgiven again. Also, you deserve a guy who will be completely devoted to you. I know the grieving process is hard sometimes but you will come out of the situation a stronger woman in the end if you stick to the decision to walk away. It hurts to walk away from someone you love. That's because what you felt for him is real. If it wasn't real you wouldn't be hurting. What he did to you says one thing: he doesn't feel that way for you. I've seen this time and again with my girlfriends. The guy begs and pleads and cries. But a person who truly felt bad about what they did would have the gumption to own up to their problem and step away. That's just how I see it.

Hang in there hon! <3

[Chi84]

Thanks. My feelings are kinda divided. Some people say I should just maybe give him another chance since he was just flirting thru text msgs and never actually touched that girl. I'm gonna be honest that I too, still texts my ex fiancée (who still has feelings for me) without him knowing about it, although i don't flirt with him. I feel like this is karma