So I just basically wanna know if I’m just over-reacting and what other people think or would feel if this happened to them….This is very long so bare with me.
I’m a 22yr old female, my boyfriend is 23. We have been together since Feb 2012 (8 months). He has a younger sister (she’s 21) and a brother (he’s 18). At the start of our relationship he asked me if I thought it was weird that him and his sister are close? And I said “No” not realising the situation….but this leads me to believe that others may have also questioned his closeness with his sister in the past.
A few weeks into the relationship we were in a location where my bf’s sister would usually go, I didn’t know the area very well and neither did my bf, so he called her whilst parked up on the side of the road. He was in the drivers seat, I was in the passenger seat, when she answered I heard a rather loud “Hi babe!!” he glanced at me quickly and as I looked confused he knew I had heard and as a result he turned the volume down on his phone….? It’s like he clearly knew that was weird his sister called him that. And it’s not cos the phone was too loud cos there were many occasions before when I have been able to hear his conversations over the phone as the people he was speaking to were loud.
He was always saying he really wanted me to meet his sister…..but never anyone else in the family? Why was he always so fixated on her? I’d want him to meet ALL of my family, no matter how weird/judgemental/different or whatever they may seem.
6 weeks into the relationship I found out that he was in a relationship with someone else & had been with this girl for 6 months! Trying to be adult about the situation I said, it’s her or me and that’s that. He “chose” me but then I found out like 2 months later he was STILL seeing this girl behind my back claiming he was using her for money. I took him back (again), we’re working on the relationship now and he proves to me day by day by his actions not words how committed he is to me. However obviously the trust has completely gone from my side but I’m still willing to see where it goes as I really do love the guy.
His family then found out how he had treated me, and also his dad is opposed to sex before marriage and going out on the weekends to get drunk so his dad told his mum, sister and brother not to contact my bf (VERY harsh I know!) as their very religious and in their eyes he had “sinned” very badly.
We then moved in together and I went abroad for 2 weeks to the USA to see a cousin (who from birth we have been like sisters as we’re only 3 months apart – she moved to the states with her family when we were only 14 years old – this was very traumatising for me as we would always be together). I think my bf felt jealous and left out because I have so much family and he had very little, I see my family & keep in contact with them every week or so to see how they are, this will be everyone from my mum, to my aunts & my grandparents and cousins. Because I keep in touch with them and stay close I think that must’ve prompted my bf to get in touch with some of his relatives who he hadn’t spoken to in ages. So 1 particular relative he got in contact with was his cousin who lives 60 miles away, she is 1 year older than him (24) and they haven’t spoken to each other in like 15 years or something because of a family argument. I was happy to learn that he had reached out to his family but he then he started talking about meeting up with her….and only her…. So background here, his cousin is adopted, she still lives with her adopted parents and her mum is my bfs aunt by blood. My bf and his cousin were talking over text and facebook messaging each other constantly. They finally set a date to meet up and he decided to invite her over to our place to stay for the whole weekend…? This is someone who he hasn’t seen in about 15 years and he’s inviting her over to our place for the whole weekend?! That seems VERY odd to me! And it’s not even our own place, we live in a 3 storey house, we rent out 2 rooms and a bathroom from this house and the landlady and her husband live here too. To me, meeting her would’ve been for him to go to her place, not only to see her but his aunt and uncle too who he hasn’t seen in 15 years either or to meet up with her somewhere, spend the day together catch up AND THEN invite her over or whatever etc. Why would it be appropriate for anyone else to be around if they’re catching up on 15 years of their lives?! ESPECAILLY for her to be staying over too on their first “meet”?! I told him what I thought of the situation but he decided to go ahead with the original plan. She was to come over on a Friday evening, spend the night and then go home on Saturday late afternoon/early evening. Knowing about this and not feeling comfortable being there while they were catching up I stayed at my aunts house that night. I came home when she had left & my bf told me about what happened and what they got up to and stuff. My bf, the landlady (who we don’t like by the way) and my bf’s cousin were all sat downstairs in the kitchen/dining room area chatting away (the landladys husband was out) over glasses of wine getting acquainted whilst my bf and his cousin were also catching up on their lives apparently. Why would they do this in front of the landlady?! :S Then to get away from the landlady my bf and his cousin went for a walk to talk. Just to let you know, the kitchen/dining room area is on the ground floor, the living room, the 2nd room we rent and our bathroom is on the middle floor and my bf’s and my room is on the top floor. I don’t see why they needed to go for a walk when they could’ve just asked to be excused to go and sit in the living room away from the landlady to catch up. My bf and his cousin then went to sleep, in separate rooms, my bfs cousin stayed in the room on the middle floor and according to him, when they woke up, he showered, went upstairs, got back into bed fully clothed, turned the tv on, she then went in the shower, got changed, went upstairs to mine and my bfs room, took a drink up, shut the door and put her legs and feet up on the bed, made herself quite comfortable on top of the duvet (while he was in the bed too) and they apparently watched tv and discussed what they would be doing for the day for 15mins or so. Now why the hell is that acceptable? This stranger is coming into my room, making herself comfortable on my bed to discuss their plans?! When I questioned him about it he didn’t see anything wrong with it as she is his cousin. My bf said that he didn’t want the landlady to hear about their plans because she was in the kitchen downstairs. What was wrong with using the living room?! And if they hear her walk past then stop talking its really easy to do in this house!! Now I’m sorry but I don’t know any adults that would behave in this way or that would think that this is acceptable. If it doesn’t matter that she was in our room then by that standard when my aunt is away how about me and my uncle go and sit in their room on their bed to discuss things when there’s a perfectly good area downstairs. It just wouldn’t happen, it’s wrong! It’s like its ok and its cute when you’re kids but then at a particular age it stops….otherwise parents wouldn’t separate their kids at a certain age, if 1 was male and 1 was female and they both shared a room.
We went out for the day and in the car we were talking about families and their birthdays and he was saying it was his sisters birthday soon, so I asked the question as his family aren’t speaking to him, would your sister even accept a gift from you or even me? And he said she might. He then went on to say that he would text her. And I said “Why? You’ve tried contacting her numerous times however she never replies cos she’s under the thumb of your dad”. But he said he would try anyways so kudos to that but when I looked at the message which he had sent to her, it was just him apologising loads and saying that “I still want to be your bro. I love you xx”. This made me feel really insecure cos saying I love you like that is a very personal and intimate thing. I never say I love you to anyone apart from the person I’m with. I say things such as “lots of love, loads of love, love from, love you (without the “I” at the beginning)” but to me it isn’t as personal, like from 1 persons heart to another saying “I love you” like that.
Recently he called his home to see if some mail had arrived for him (as he now lives with me). His mum answered, he spoke to her for all of about a minute then he spoke to his dad for about 30mins. When he got off the phone, his immediate reaction was “I’m gunna try calling my sister”. It always seems to be about his sister and never about his brother. After seeing the text which he had sent to his sister I asked “Have you tried contacting your brother?” and he said “No” so I said “Why?” and he said “Cos he will do whatever his sister does” and I said “Yea but your sister will do whatever your dad tells her to do” and he said….”oh yeah good point”. So I later then saw the text he sent to his brother, it was very casual he apologised but it didn’t seem as “intimate” as the text he sent to his sister, he signed off saying “Take care. Your bro.” No “I love you” on the end, no x’s……? Why is his sister more important to receive such treatment?
When I typed something similar this into Google it said that a brother and sister could often be so close due to the age gap and the fact that they’re of similar ages…..but they’re ALL of similar ages so it can’t be that.
A few days ago we were having dinner round my family members house, my grandma was asking questions such as his star sign etc, and she then asked what his mum and dads were. He then answered and then said that his sister is a Scorpio just so randomly. He never mentioned his brothers star sign…?
Bit of background here….he had leukaemia as a child for 5 years of his life, but during this time his parents were always there to support him. His brother and sister were there obviously but his mum and dad were his backbone throughout all of this time. He does love his mum and he has said how amazing she is but it seems like he is more into his sister as she gets primary mention and primary thought over his mum who helped him during his struggle.
I’ve also recently noticed that the way he talks to men and the way he talks to women are completely different. He’s all laughy and jokey with women, family member or not, and he’s all manly with men. When I asked him about it, he claims that he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it. Especially with his cousin, I find the laughy and jokey-ness to be very flirtatious. Like I said, he’s not like that with any guy, family member or not.
He has a best friend and his best friend has a girlfriend who he seems to be more close to that his best friend. There was an album which he uploaded to facebook where there were like 20pics of him and his best friends girlfriend, faces touching, but only 3 or 4 pics of him and his best friend. He always used to text his best friends girlfriend but hardly his best friend. Now that I’ve spoken to him about it, he doesn’t text her anymore but does that seem weird to anyone? Or are a lot of people more closer to their best friends other halves than their best friends themselves? It worries me because the girl that my bf was seeing behind my back, that was his other best friends girlfriend, and he used to dirty text her and stuff all the time before my bf and this girl got together. And the crazy thing is, he is still very good friends with this guy. No respect for his friends I assume?
So, thank you for taking the time out to read this, I know it’s long but I knew if I didn’t detail it then certain things would’ve been missed that may have been important information! Please let me know what you think!!
I’m a 22yr old female, my boyfriend is 23. We have been together since Feb 2012 (8 months). He has a younger sister (she’s 21) and a brother (he’s 18). At the start of our relationship he asked me if I thought it was weird that him and his sister are close? And I said “No” not realising the situation….but this leads me to believe that others may have also questioned his closeness with his sister in the past.
A few weeks into the relationship we were in a location where my bf’s sister would usually go, I didn’t know the area very well and neither did my bf, so he called her whilst parked up on the side of the road. He was in the drivers seat, I was in the passenger seat, when she answered I heard a rather loud “Hi babe!!” he glanced at me quickly and as I looked confused he knew I had heard and as a result he turned the volume down on his phone….? It’s like he clearly knew that was weird his sister called him that. And it’s not cos the phone was too loud cos there were many occasions before when I have been able to hear his conversations over the phone as the people he was speaking to were loud.
He was always saying he really wanted me to meet his sister…..but never anyone else in the family? Why was he always so fixated on her? I’d want him to meet ALL of my family, no matter how weird/judgemental/different or whatever they may seem.
6 weeks into the relationship I found out that he was in a relationship with someone else & had been with this girl for 6 months! Trying to be adult about the situation I said, it’s her or me and that’s that. He “chose” me but then I found out like 2 months later he was STILL seeing this girl behind my back claiming he was using her for money. I took him back (again), we’re working on the relationship now and he proves to me day by day by his actions not words how committed he is to me. However obviously the trust has completely gone from my side but I’m still willing to see where it goes as I really do love the guy.
His family then found out how he had treated me, and also his dad is opposed to sex before marriage and going out on the weekends to get drunk so his dad told his mum, sister and brother not to contact my bf (VERY harsh I know!) as their very religious and in their eyes he had “sinned” very badly.
We then moved in together and I went abroad for 2 weeks to the USA to see a cousin (who from birth we have been like sisters as we’re only 3 months apart – she moved to the states with her family when we were only 14 years old – this was very traumatising for me as we would always be together). I think my bf felt jealous and left out because I have so much family and he had very little, I see my family & keep in contact with them every week or so to see how they are, this will be everyone from my mum, to my aunts & my grandparents and cousins. Because I keep in touch with them and stay close I think that must’ve prompted my bf to get in touch with some of his relatives who he hadn’t spoken to in ages. So 1 particular relative he got in contact with was his cousin who lives 60 miles away, she is 1 year older than him (24) and they haven’t spoken to each other in like 15 years or something because of a family argument. I was happy to learn that he had reached out to his family but he then he started talking about meeting up with her….and only her…. So background here, his cousin is adopted, she still lives with her adopted parents and her mum is my bfs aunt by blood. My bf and his cousin were talking over text and facebook messaging each other constantly. They finally set a date to meet up and he decided to invite her over to our place to stay for the whole weekend…? This is someone who he hasn’t seen in about 15 years and he’s inviting her over to our place for the whole weekend?! That seems VERY odd to me! And it’s not even our own place, we live in a 3 storey house, we rent out 2 rooms and a bathroom from this house and the landlady and her husband live here too. To me, meeting her would’ve been for him to go to her place, not only to see her but his aunt and uncle too who he hasn’t seen in 15 years either or to meet up with her somewhere, spend the day together catch up AND THEN invite her over or whatever etc. Why would it be appropriate for anyone else to be around if they’re catching up on 15 years of their lives?! ESPECAILLY for her to be staying over too on their first “meet”?! I told him what I thought of the situation but he decided to go ahead with the original plan. She was to come over on a Friday evening, spend the night and then go home on Saturday late afternoon/early evening. Knowing about this and not feeling comfortable being there while they were catching up I stayed at my aunts house that night. I came home when she had left & my bf told me about what happened and what they got up to and stuff. My bf, the landlady (who we don’t like by the way) and my bf’s cousin were all sat downstairs in the kitchen/dining room area chatting away (the landladys husband was out) over glasses of wine getting acquainted whilst my bf and his cousin were also catching up on their lives apparently. Why would they do this in front of the landlady?! :S Then to get away from the landlady my bf and his cousin went for a walk to talk. Just to let you know, the kitchen/dining room area is on the ground floor, the living room, the 2nd room we rent and our bathroom is on the middle floor and my bf’s and my room is on the top floor. I don’t see why they needed to go for a walk when they could’ve just asked to be excused to go and sit in the living room away from the landlady to catch up. My bf and his cousin then went to sleep, in separate rooms, my bfs cousin stayed in the room on the middle floor and according to him, when they woke up, he showered, went upstairs, got back into bed fully clothed, turned the tv on, she then went in the shower, got changed, went upstairs to mine and my bfs room, took a drink up, shut the door and put her legs and feet up on the bed, made herself quite comfortable on top of the duvet (while he was in the bed too) and they apparently watched tv and discussed what they would be doing for the day for 15mins or so. Now why the hell is that acceptable? This stranger is coming into my room, making herself comfortable on my bed to discuss their plans?! When I questioned him about it he didn’t see anything wrong with it as she is his cousin. My bf said that he didn’t want the landlady to hear about their plans because she was in the kitchen downstairs. What was wrong with using the living room?! And if they hear her walk past then stop talking its really easy to do in this house!! Now I’m sorry but I don’t know any adults that would behave in this way or that would think that this is acceptable. If it doesn’t matter that she was in our room then by that standard when my aunt is away how about me and my uncle go and sit in their room on their bed to discuss things when there’s a perfectly good area downstairs. It just wouldn’t happen, it’s wrong! It’s like its ok and its cute when you’re kids but then at a particular age it stops….otherwise parents wouldn’t separate their kids at a certain age, if 1 was male and 1 was female and they both shared a room.
We went out for the day and in the car we were talking about families and their birthdays and he was saying it was his sisters birthday soon, so I asked the question as his family aren’t speaking to him, would your sister even accept a gift from you or even me? And he said she might. He then went on to say that he would text her. And I said “Why? You’ve tried contacting her numerous times however she never replies cos she’s under the thumb of your dad”. But he said he would try anyways so kudos to that but when I looked at the message which he had sent to her, it was just him apologising loads and saying that “I still want to be your bro. I love you xx”. This made me feel really insecure cos saying I love you like that is a very personal and intimate thing. I never say I love you to anyone apart from the person I’m with. I say things such as “lots of love, loads of love, love from, love you (without the “I” at the beginning)” but to me it isn’t as personal, like from 1 persons heart to another saying “I love you” like that.
Recently he called his home to see if some mail had arrived for him (as he now lives with me). His mum answered, he spoke to her for all of about a minute then he spoke to his dad for about 30mins. When he got off the phone, his immediate reaction was “I’m gunna try calling my sister”. It always seems to be about his sister and never about his brother. After seeing the text which he had sent to his sister I asked “Have you tried contacting your brother?” and he said “No” so I said “Why?” and he said “Cos he will do whatever his sister does” and I said “Yea but your sister will do whatever your dad tells her to do” and he said….”oh yeah good point”. So I later then saw the text he sent to his brother, it was very casual he apologised but it didn’t seem as “intimate” as the text he sent to his sister, he signed off saying “Take care. Your bro.” No “I love you” on the end, no x’s……? Why is his sister more important to receive such treatment?
When I typed something similar this into Google it said that a brother and sister could often be so close due to the age gap and the fact that they’re of similar ages…..but they’re ALL of similar ages so it can’t be that.
A few days ago we were having dinner round my family members house, my grandma was asking questions such as his star sign etc, and she then asked what his mum and dads were. He then answered and then said that his sister is a Scorpio just so randomly. He never mentioned his brothers star sign…?
Bit of background here….he had leukaemia as a child for 5 years of his life, but during this time his parents were always there to support him. His brother and sister were there obviously but his mum and dad were his backbone throughout all of this time. He does love his mum and he has said how amazing she is but it seems like he is more into his sister as she gets primary mention and primary thought over his mum who helped him during his struggle.
I’ve also recently noticed that the way he talks to men and the way he talks to women are completely different. He’s all laughy and jokey with women, family member or not, and he’s all manly with men. When I asked him about it, he claims that he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it. Especially with his cousin, I find the laughy and jokey-ness to be very flirtatious. Like I said, he’s not like that with any guy, family member or not.
He has a best friend and his best friend has a girlfriend who he seems to be more close to that his best friend. There was an album which he uploaded to facebook where there were like 20pics of him and his best friends girlfriend, faces touching, but only 3 or 4 pics of him and his best friend. He always used to text his best friends girlfriend but hardly his best friend. Now that I’ve spoken to him about it, he doesn’t text her anymore but does that seem weird to anyone? Or are a lot of people more closer to their best friends other halves than their best friends themselves? It worries me because the girl that my bf was seeing behind my back, that was his other best friends girlfriend, and he used to dirty text her and stuff all the time before my bf and this girl got together. And the crazy thing is, he is still very good friends with this guy. No respect for his friends I assume?
So, thank you for taking the time out to read this, I know it’s long but I knew if I didn’t detail it then certain things would’ve been missed that may have been important information! Please let me know what you think!!
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