[akeshabelle]

My boyfriend (who I have been with for 8 years - I don't want to get married, just a personal choice) seems to almost try and make me feel ashamed of myself rather than tell me I look hot, whenever I wear something that I feel good in.

I have nice breasts and have always liked wearing low cut tops (not revolting, plunging tops that show off everything, but just a little cleavage is nice), but he tends to make snide remarks if a man looks at me and told me the other day that maybe he would "want to see my breasts more if they weren't so out in the open all the time", which didn't make much sense to me... he seems to forget that it was this way of dressing that attracted him to me in the first place...

Last weekend he told me I was "asking for it" when a man whistled at me as I was crossing the street. I was wearing jeans and a singlet, not low cut at all.

Why does he make me feel this way? I am proud of my body and dress only for myself. I like liking what I see when I look in the mirror, it makes me feel confident. We have been together for so long and I have never been anywhere even close to unfaithful to him. Why is he so insecure??

[lavi]

Controlling

Just sharing my experience-

My ex was like this.He always used to comment on my clothes,always used to say-Dont wear shorts or low cut tops,t-shirts.We were togather for 4 yrs and I never cheated on him.I used to think why he is so insecure? He used to say that why do you want to show your body to other guys..?

Then,one day I came to know that he was cheating on me. Also he got engaged (while we were togather) and he himself told me abt that.I said now its over but he kept telling me that he did this bcoz of his family's pressure, but he will marry me. And after 2 months he married that girl with whom he was engaged.

Then too, he keep on telling me that it was his parents wish & he will take a divorce & come back to me..that he only loves me..

I cut all my contacts with him..I didnt want such MCP in my life.Trusting him was my biggest mistake.

Nobody can tell you what you should do & what you should wear. Its totally your wish.

I will wear clothes in which I feel more beautiful & hence more confident.

Is he like this from starting or just from some time?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am proud of my body and dress only for myself. I like liking what I see when I look in the mirror, it makes me feel confident

Tell him that and exactly that. Followed by, you also find him to be sexy and attractive and you love him.

Guys have emotions too. Eight years and you don't wish to get married, "your choice" makes him insecure, as obviously he plans to spend the rest of his life with you. When he sees your confidence and men whistle at you, he wonders whether you one day will just up and leave for someone else...

Why not have a commitment ring? Men love confident women but if they are not confident in their relationship and I think the marriage thing is the reasons, they will fear just like anyone else...

[acerousme]

oh my goodness RED FLAG...

Watch that behavior. Its borderline emotionally abusive. Actually no that is just emotionally abusive. Please watch yourself doll. That just worries me. You are an individual, and can wear whatever you feel. Even if hes feeling insecure, that is something NOBODY wants to hear, and is downright rude....please be careful

[rcoreyus]

Its hard to tell from a distance, but I agree with acerousme that it seems worrisome. Can you tell whether he is worried about other men being attracted to you, or worried that you might be molested / raped if you dress like that? Neither is reasonable, but they might be different sorts of signs. The first sounds abusive, the second is misdirected protectiveness.

[Alynna]

Another forever-boyfriend I know one thing: if a man loves a woman he will accept her the way she is and he won't wait so many years to commit to you. Probably, he is aware that you may find a better guy any time as you are wearing sexy and are attractive, another guy that could make you much happier, offer you much more, like a family, kids bla bla bla...8 years is more that a lot...just wondering how many more years he needs to commit to you i am afraid he won't commit ever...so, make changes in your life and don't waiste your time...

[jns]

My boyfriend (who I have been with for 8 years - I don't want to get married, just a personal choice) seems to almost try and make me feel ashamed of myself rather than tell me I look hot, whenever I wear something that I feel good in.

I have nice breasts and have always liked wearing low cut tops (not revolting, plunging tops that show off everything, but just a little cleavage is nice), but he tends to make snide remarks if a man looks at me and told me the other day that maybe he would "want to see my breasts more if they weren't so out in the open all the time", which didn't make much sense to me... he seems to forget that it was this way of dressing that attracted him to me in the first place...

Last weekend he told me I was "asking for it" when a man whistled at me as I was crossing the street. I was wearing jeans and a singlet, not low cut at all.

Why does he make me feel this way? I am proud of my body and dress only for myself. I like liking what I see when I look in the mirror, it makes me feel confident. We have been together for so long and I have never been anywhere even close to unfaithful to him. Why is he so insecure??

His comments may be somewhat controlling, but there more me more to this story.

Does he have any obligation to protect you from guys making crude gestures, sounds and comments? If you were single and not friends, no. But as the boyfriend, he does have such an obligation in many societies and cultures. Therefore your actions may be causing more of an obligational response on his part. Should he have a say in this? Should you tone it down without him saying anything? Should he work on a bodybuilder physique so guys know better than say anything lest he go postal.

How to women attract men and how do men attract women? Women can attract men by dressing in a sexy way. This has been done for ages and ages and within the context of what societies and cultures allow. At one time women's ankles were the utmost in sexy. Men can attract women by being clever with words and being funny. Some women are attracted to physiques of men but not to the degree men are to women. Some men can be attracted to a woman who looks good but has no personality.

Usually in a relationship, men and women tone things down so that they don't continue getting attention that they are no longer interested in. In your case, would it be OK for him to chat up women, not to go out with them, but just to keep his skills up? Maybe a little innocent flirting from afar? That would seem to be an even application of the rules of conduct. Usually a guy doing this gets his SO upset. And he tends to get some feedback. Why make him ashamed of his communication skills with women? Why be insecure about letting him do some chatting?

[jns]

I forgot to add, he may be insecure due in part to your personal choice of not getting married after 8 years. Is that his choice, also? That insecurity may drive him to think that you are getting ready to move on or are trying to find the next Mr. Right. Not everyone is perfectly happy with the idea of living together forever without marriage.