[JuanValdez76]

Hi all,

I need some female advice/opinions about an issue in my relationship.

First a bit of background info. My wife and I have been together for 13 years and have 2 kids. My wife has been a stay at home mom since we had our first child and has not really had much of a chance to work outside of the house since then. The lack of opposite-sex interaction combined with her decreased body image due to the pregnancies caused her to lose some self-confidence.

Recently, we decided to spice things up in our relationship... Partly because I've always been a bit of an exhibitionist and partly because we thought she could get more confidence if she started getting positive feedback from other men.

After showing off on cam and getting lots of positive comments from anonymous men, she started chatting with a guy from Germany (which I had no problem with). She has now been talking to him almost every day for over a month now and they have developed a pretty in-depth relationship...he has confessed intimate things to her (like the affair he had) and she has confessed some intimate things to him. They have also had sex chats and sent topless/semi nude pics to each other.

Part of me knows that he is all the way in Germany and so not a threat physically. My wife has also told me 90% of the things they have talked about and has not really hidden much from me. She has also gone out of her way to reassure me that her connection with him is purely for fun and doesn't come close to what we share... But she says that she has the right to privacy and her decision to sex chat with someone should be her private decision.

Last night, she was having an in-depth text discussion with her sisters about a family issue so she went into the bedroom after dinner to have some privacy and I cleaned up and got the kids ready for bed. I went to look something up on her phone after and noticed that she had been sex chatting with her friend during that time and had taken a few more topless pics that she exchanged for a nude one of him.

I have no real issue with the fact that she wants to do this... But I am finding it hard to believe her when she does stuff like this.....

Should I be worried? Everytime I bring it up she tells me that I have nothing to worry about, or she gets mad that I invaded her privacy and snooped through her personal conversations. We are still close and still have great sex but I am beginning to feel like I'm not as fun and exciting as this other guy and it hurts my feelings...

Sorry for the long post but I'm confused and don't know what to think or do.

[rcoreyus]

People can interpret boundaries differently. You started sending explicit images on the web - no problem with that, but she may have assumed that that went along with other types of contact. You need to sit down with her and decide what sorts of online interactions you are each comfortable with.

[Pollon]

Not a female perspective, but one to consider.

When "we" decided to invite others into your relationship (via the web), she may have interpreted that as your lack of respect for her and your relationship. Now she is demonstrating her lack of respect for you and your relationship by disregarding your feelings about her activities.

[DreamP346]

You need to talk to your wife and set clear boundaries. Open communication is a must. You keep saying you are OK with the stuff she is doing, but it is clear you feel insecure about them. That is because you guys have not set up clear boundaries and you don't know if she will push any limits you are not comfortable with. Be clear about what you are OK with, what would be a clear no-no and that you need her to be honest about things. One of the areas that you need to negotiate is if you have to let each other know what you are doing (like she needs to tell you she is sending naked pictures) or if it is OK to do them because it falls under the list of items OK to do.