[Fallen1]

Just wondering if I am over-reacting -

My boyfriend and I have been dating about two years and have been living together since December of last year. This Saturday afternoon I was really feeling "frisky" and when he asked me what I wanted to do I said that I wanted to have sex. Well his reply was "I really don't have the energy right now", then in the next breath he asked me if I wanted to go out in the garage with him while he works on my car. He doesn't have the energy to have sex but he wants to know if I would go outside and work on my car with him? Seems to me that working on a car (especially the things that are to be done to this one) is much more tiresome than sex. Anyway, most of the day yesterday was us discussing how upset that made me - that he turned me down for the reason he did etc., etc.

Well, this morning he comes in from work and he is "frisky" and tries to wake me up wanting to have sex. In my half awake/sleep state I tell him no. He proceeds with doing as he pleases even though I still protest in my half awake state by moving away from him not once but three times. Needless to say he won because he didn't take the hint to leave me to my sleep.

Tell me why I get turned down and just have to deal with it and I turn him down and he still gets what he wants? Should I be as upset about this as I am?

[sourpuss]

Well, I don't think you should be upset over the fact that he turned you down and instead went and worked on your car. I know when I have things that need to be done and are nagging at my mind, I'm not so much in the mood either. You should be happy that he's working on your car for you though, that's nice of him.

What you should be upset about is the fact that he had no respect for the fact that you did not want to have sex and repeatedly told him so! Did you finally give in or did he force himself on you? This is worrisome.

[Fallen1]

Well, I don't think you should be upset over the fact that he turned you down and instead went and worked on your car. I know when I have things that need to be done and are nagging at my mind, I'm not so much in the mood either. You should be happy that he's working on your car for you though, that's nice of him.

Thanks for that different point of view. Seems to help lighten up things when you get someone else's perspective on a situation.

As for the forcing himself, I think when I posted this thread I sort of felt that way and that's why I was so upset - thinking he had after he had turned me down. We were able to talk about it when I got home and I expressed that I had gotten that impression. After hearing his side, I think that it all boiled down to the fact that I was half asleep and I really was unable to make it clear enough to him that I wanted to be left alone.

[rcoreyus]

Sometimes people don't feel like sex, and no one should be pressured into it when they don't want. On the other hand though, I think people in a relationship should try to be available to there partners if they can. If both make an effort even if they aren't particularly interested at the moment, both will fell rejected less often.

[mr.mansview]

Thanks for that different point of view. Seems to help lighten up things when you get someone else's perspective on a situation.

As for the forcing himself, I think when I posted this thread I sort of felt that way and that's why I was so upset - thinking he had after he had turned me down. We were able to talk about it when I got home and I expressed that I had gotten that impression. After hearing his side, I think that it all boiled down to the fact that I was half asleep and I really was unable to make it clear enough to him that I wanted to be left alone.

you mean moving away from him 3 times was not a good enough hint? maybe you should keep an airhorn next to the bed and sound it off next time he doesn't get the hint..

[rcoreyus]

When men (and maybe women as well) get aroused they seem less sensitive to "hints" that their partner is not interested. If you don't want sex (or some particular sexual activity), be VERY CLEAR. Slightly fuzzy, "don't really feel like it now", moving away etc may not be clear enough. For the sake of both partners - please, say "No, not now", or something similarly completely clear.

It would be nice if people were sensitive to their partner's wishes, but often they just aren't.

[Fallen1]

On the other hand though, I think people in a relationship should try to be available to there partners if they can. If both make an effort even if they aren't particularly interested at the moment, both will fell rejected less often.

I guess that also played a roll in my being upset - the fact that I rarely turn him down unless I'm really not feeling well. There have been so many times that I have done it just because he wanted to and I try to do everything I can to make sure his needs are met.

you mean moving away from him 3 times was not a good enough hint? maybe you should keep an airhorn next to the bed and sound it off next time he doesn't get the hint..

I like that.