[Starryeyes1229]

I'm 26 years old and and my mother is 46. I am a single mint her of a 3 and a 5 year old. My ex husband left my children and I with nothing and moved to Maryland with friends back in march 2011.

Times were really tough because my mom also lived in Maryland with her boyfriend of three years.

To make a long story short... My had a really good job and I had to beg her to co sign on an apartment for my kids and myself because when we were left we got evicted. My ex left is without a penny.

Fast forward and I have an ok job and my mom decides to break up with her bf and move in with me. We never discussed her moving in, after two or three trips back and forth from my house to the bfs house she stayed here.

My apt is small and my children share their room and I have mine so she sleeps on the couch. She's recently started dating a guy she knew from high school that lives down the street from me.

She hasn't worked in a year and a half and has exhausted her unemployment.

My relationship with my bf is suffering because when she's here he won't come over and when she goes out she doesn't spend the night out. So therefore I don't leave because my kids are home and my bf doesn't come to me.

She pitches in money where she can because she's on unemployment. Her unemployment ends on dec 29. So after that it will be covering my bills, her bills and my kids. I'm stressed out because I've watched her run around with this guy and not try to get a job.

My five year old told me she had the guy in my bed one night while I was gone.

I've told her that I want to get a night job as well. I'm trying to clean up my credit and get current with bills. She refuses to watch her grandkids. So not only can I not leave or have company over, I'm forces to be broke trying to pay all the bills alone.

I'm trying to get my passport and pay off my traffic ticket, she refuses to watch the kids and she doesn't work.

I'm in the process of getting an amazing career started in law enforcement and I need to make sure my financials look good. Knowing this she refuses to help me.

While she's home not working she's texting this guy, not doing any housework...tr cable got cut off because she couldn't pay it. I work full time and I'm trying to work nights as well for myself and my kids and she refuses to help.

She'll offer to babysit and then stand me up while I sit ready to go. She never apologizes for anything she does like having her bf in my bed.

My grandmother tells me I'm overreacting. I'm trying to purchase my passport and all of my friends parents paid for theirs when they were younger. I've watched my mom give her paychecks to over a dozen different men.

As I get older I realize she didnt do anything for me and she doesn't do anything now. I should find out if I got the job in about two weeks. Until them I'm so unhappy and ****ed off. What can I do?

[MysteriousAtNight]

Hi there, i thought i hated my mom but ****, my advice is to speak clearly with her because you are a grown women and its your house and your kids saftey. Tell her either help with the kids and do the house stuff [because you work all day and she runs around childish] and she can stay until she can show u that she can built her way up as to getting job if she chooses to stay. other wise then whos got the pants and pays for them// .. Good Luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know you think that you are at the end of the world, end of the rope but reading all of that, I read a heck of a lot of positives there, "in you".

You work, you are not afraid of getting a career and you want one.

Don't stop that dream and don't allow someone else to lose it for you.

Just because your Mother gives her money to men, is not a "Grandmother" to her children, perhaps free loads off of you and stresses you to the hilt, does not mean you can not achieve your goals.

When does the lease end? Can you get a reference from your employer regarding your work and pay. Can you show a bank statement showing you have made all the payments to date?

If so, you should be able to get a good reference and credit reference from the landlord that will enable you to go soley on the lease, or a new one.

Then, I would be starting a new life that will enable you to be more stable and the children more stable.

You don't mention anything about your boyfriend helping in any way, other than he won't come over.

Can you tell us more about him..

If you are going to have a partner, he should be a boyfriend and not a husband but should do things for you to help you as well.

Where are the kids when you go to work if your Mother isn't helping you ?

Welcome to WH

[Little]

Your mom is blatantly leeching off of you. It doesn't sound like she's going to turn it around as long as she has you to give her shelter, pay for her utilities, and probably also buy her food. It's okay to kick her out. She's not your child, she's not a minor, she's not your responsibility. "But she's your moooooommmm" Nope, she gave up her saintly position as infallible mother when she started taking a chunk of the money that YOU earn and YOU need while at the same time doing nothing to help you! She's a leech. You pull leeches off.

Obviously I think the first part there is pretty cut-and-dried, so let's talk about the other thing: why does your child know Grandma was in bed with her boyfriend? If the door was closed, who was watching the kids while she got it on with her boyfriend? So, was the door open? What kind of peep show were the children exposed to? Hopefully, the kids were put to bed, but if they didn't see it ... again, how did they know? This is a serious concern, she should be apologizing for more than using your bed.

[Starryeyes1229]

Hello again ladies. For those asking questions about my boyfriend here you go... He's 29 turning 30 next year. Currently lives with his parents because he's got two years left of school. He can't help much because he isn't working. He starts school in September of 2013. So for now he's decided to take a year off and enjoy the good life I guess. We were planning on moving once he started school because he'd get financial aid to help with bills. However the job that is at hand for me would be opposite his schedule. He recently told me he'd leave me. I've got a lot on my plate and an ex husband that owes me over 7,000 dollars in back child support... 600 a month. My court papers say I'm in contempt if I withhold the children from him until he starts paying. So he continues to have a relationship with my kids while he lives with a young girl and her two year old in the back house of another house. They both have no car and she works at a fast food place. My life is in shambles.

[Harmony]

What does a parent say to a young adult who refuses to pull their weight? 'It's my way or the high way while you're under my roof'.

The prospect of homelessness should help your mother buck her ideas up, if your grandmother says you're over reacting then your mom can go live with her: simple.

You say your life is a shambles, I would say that is an overstatement, and that your unfortunate and adverse circumstances have been caused by the kindness you have shown other people and the advantage they have taken of that kindness. If more people were as hardworking and determined as you the world would be a better place.

Your ex sounds like a dead beat. I would stop expecting anything from him to avoid disappointment. I would also appease him and (at least try to) have him babysit whilst you work in order to help ameliorate your workload. You seriously need to read the riot act to your mom and refuse to let her lay the guilt trip on you, as I said, your nan can 'have' her if she's such an angel. Your mother is an unacceptable burden to you right now, a detriment you as a single mother can't afford to be carrying neither emotionally or financially.

Re your boyfriend, to be fair he is not bound by the same responsibilities as you and you can't really blame him for being loath to assume the responsibilities your ex should be honoring when he can live a relatively carefree life void of responsibility. On the other hand, he needs to accept you and 'take you as he finds you' and decide whether he is 'onboard' with you and your children.

I don't want to sound dramatic and/or negative here, but it sounds like you've just realized you are pretty much in this alone as far as support in the financial and literal sense. There was no mention of your father in the above posts so I'm guessing he's nowhere to be seen either. Your focus right now needs to be on your two children, look to the future and not the past.

I admire your attitude and determination and believe that these two traits alone will get you through this and into much more favorable circumstances, I don't think I could cope with two children at the best of times. Once you've become more assertive and dropped some deadwood you'll find things will get much easier.

[Little]

Take that extra $5 an hour, kick your mother out, kick your bum boyfriend to the curb, and enjoy the peace of mind of having nobody to answer to. It sounds less like your life is in a shambles and more like your life is not as you would have planned it, and yet you're surviving, getting that debt paid, getting better job offers. Throw off the negativity and grab onto the positives that are coming your way.

[Italian08]

Ok im only 22 my mom is Going to be 44 my mom had my brother when she was 19 me at 21 and my sister at 22 my parents got divorced about 4 years ago and she acted the same. As ur mom just a little different my mom started going. out with her friends drinking when she never drank.before the reason y they do that is because they never had the chance to do it when they were younger so there doing everything now that they weren't able to cuz they had responsibility...what I did is I sat my miter down and had a talk with her maybe u should try it and see if it help just tell her im trying to get my life together for myself and my kids I appreciate it if u help me and take on some more responsibilities u have two grandkids that u can be spending Notre time with babysitting instead of worrying about your bf family is more important tell her she can still have a life but needs to help u out also and if that doesn't work then maybe u should consider kicking her out of she not gonna help pay bills or find a job atleast she just gonna make it more stressful on you

[Harmony]

Ok im only 22 my mom is Going to be 44 my mom had my brother when she was 19 me at 21 and my sister at 22 my parents got divorced about 4 years ago and she acted the same. As ur mom just a little different my mom started going. out with her friends drinking when she never drank.before the reason y they do that is because they never had the chance to do it when they were younger so there doing everything now that they weren't able to cuz they had responsibility...what I did is I sat my miter down and had a talk with her maybe u should try it and see if it help just tell her im trying to get my life together for myself and my kids I appreciate it if u help me and take on some more responsibilities u have two grandkids that u can be spending Notre time with babysitting instead of worrying about your bf family is more important tell her she can still have a life but needs to help u out also and if that doesn't work then maybe u should consider kicking her out of she not gonna help pay bills or find a job atleast she just gonna make it more stressful on you

This isn't THAT common, but it is not uncommon if that makes sense. I have heard several girls complain of this scenario; I think in this situation the mother is not only attempting to enjoy the youth she feels she missed out on, but feels an unhealthy and unjustified sense of entitlement that her daughter should repay her for the time and effort she put into raising her, in the mistaken belief that they are both in the same (or similar) situations.

The OP's mother is her mother, she has children of her own to concentrate on, her mother shouldn't be seeking financial and emotional support from her daughter whilst she attempting to single handedly raise and support her children. That's just plain selfish and utterly inconsiderate.