[Missredd]

My boyfriend has an issue with double standards in our relationship. He feels like he can do and say things to me but if I reciprocate the same behavior he has a fit! I'm getting a little tired of it, it's killing our relationship. How would you handle someone who when they're wrong and you call them on it, they get angry? They stop talking and won't answer your calls or text messages. This is driving a huge wedge for me. Any suggestions...

[Ashlee T.]

You know my suggestion. The issue in your relationship isn't just as simple as "double standards". You're in a relationship with a man who is emotionally and verbally abusive, who plays games with you, emotional and very damaging games, who doesn't respect you, who in my opinion doesn't love you. And somewhere along the way, he has abused enough to deplete your self worth to the point of sticking around to put up with it.

[NubbinsUp]

I'd say that unless this involves one large resolvable issue you may have incompatible personalities and communication styles. You perceive him to have a double standard or double standards, and you don't like that. We all cut ourselves slack on things that we wouldn't accept in others, because we assume that our own intentions are pure and good, and that others' behavior toward us may be motivated by malice. He's wrong about something that invoves factual right and wrong like whether it's Thursday today. You pointed out correctly that it's Thursday, not Monday, and he had a fit. Very odd. Fit over, you're calling and texting him to remind him that it's still Thursday, and he doesn't reply. Odd. I'd say that you already convinced him that it's Thursday, and there's no reason to reply.

Again, I'd say that if this is one simple thing at dispute between you, you can probably work through it. If he expects you to change your thinking or communication style, or you him and his, you may need to wind-down this relationship.

[NubbinsUp]

Deleted second posting. Double posted comment for some reason.

[Ashlee T.]

I think it's important for those responding to read your other thread. If they only read this one they are only getting a fraction of the story, and their advice to you will likely differ if they know the whole situation:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/relationships/55762-hurt-confused-not-sure-what-do-new-post.html

[Missredd]

I'd say that unless this involves one large resolvable issue you may have incompatible personalities and communication styles. You perceive him to have a double standard or double standards, and you don't like that. We all cut ourselves slack on things that we wouldn't accept in others, because we assume that our own intentions are pure and good, and that others' behavior toward us may be motivated by malice. He's wrong about something that invoves factual right and wrong like whether it's Thursday today. You pointed out correctly that it's Thursday, not Monday, and he had a fit. Very odd. Fit over, you're calling and texting him to remind him that it's still Thursday, and he doesn't reply. Odd. I'd say that you already convinced him that it's Thursday, and there's no reason to reply.

Again, I'd say that if this is one simple thing at dispute between you, you can probably work through it. If he expects you to change your thinking or communication style, or you him and his, you may need to wind-down this relationship.

It's very frustrating for me to talk to him calmly and he begins to yell. It's crazy. I show him all the love in the world and its like it's never enough for him. The slightest little thing sets him off. I am to the point of walking away cause he makes me feel bad a lot of times and I'm plain tired of it. I know that I've busted my rump to make this work but he hasn't put in the same effort at all.

[Euphoric]

He is set off very easily and you are still accepting it, for now. You need to do some soul searching. Why do you stay in a relationship with someone who yells at you, refuses to respond to texts or phone calls, accuses you of shopping for another man because you are out with your family??? You aren't happy.

Don't you think you deserve to be happy and with someone who trusts you, communicates in a mature manner, and gives as much as you do?
He isn't going to change. He doesn't think he is doing anything wrong and has control issues.

There are too many people who want to find a person to SHARE their life with. This guy doesn't understand sharing and caring. He understands verbally abusing you and punishing you, at his discretion which is all the time. It's abuse. Is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life? You say you are to the point of walking away. RUN, don't walk.

[Guest]

How would I deal with it...being the man in a relationship?

I'd tolorate it once, put up with it twice, discuss it length with my abuser a third time and leave if it occurs again. No ifs, ands or buts...

[nicole_3512]

You know my suggestion. The issue in your relationship isn't just as simple as "double standards". You're in a relationship with a man who is emotionally and verbally abusive, who plays games with you, emotional and very damaging games, who doesn't respect you, who in my opinion doesn't love you. And somewhere along the way, he has abused enough to deplete your self worth to the point of sticking around to put up with it.

I agree.. im sorry to have to say it but I think its true. Your smart obv since you looked for help, you should know that this is total bs and you shouldnt have to put up with it. respect yourself girl and stand up to him or leave. well all be here for you.

[Pollon]

You seem to be assuming that if you care enough about and for him, he will reciprocate. Not going to happen. He does NOT care about you. In his world there is only one standard--what he wants. He is all for HIMSELF. If you want to be all about HIM and none about yourself then stay with him and stop complaining. It seems you want a relationship to be at least partly about you. If so, then you have two options: 1) Leave or 2) Stay and keep banging your head against the wall. Just but don't expect the wall to get a headache.