[lovexlaugh]

My boyfriend of 2 years lives 2 hours away. We see each other on weekends, and he's trying to get a job transfer to my town so we can move in together. He's a great guy, but I always get so frustrated with his sleeping problems! He'll go to sleep at the same time as me - usually 10 or 11. I wake up the next morning about 9, but he just sleeps and sleeps and sleeps! Usually I have to wake him up myself about 11, when I'm so frustrated about just lying there for hours. One time I left him, and he didn't wake up til 2:30! I've talked to him about it, and he says its because he wakes up early for work (about 6) and likes to sleep in on weekends. And after he wakes up, he complains that hes soooo tired (even though he's had at least 12 hours sleep) and refuses to get out of bed. He wants to stay in bed and cuddle. Which would be fine, if it wasn't so late. On a typical day, we don't get out of bed til midday. By the time we've eaten and showered, the days gone. I generally work from 730-1, so I spend my entire day off thinking, "I could have worked today, earned so much money, and I could have got home before he wakes up!" Because of this attitude, I'm angry with him before he even wakes up, and it causes problems. Since we dont see each other much, it frustrates me that this is how we spend our time together - me waiting for him to wake up! But I'm mostly worried about when we move in together. The occassional weekend drives me insane, if I had to deal with it every day off/holiday I woudn't cope! In every other way he is amazing and I want to spend my life with him, it just seems like such a stupid problem to come between us!
Rant over, sorry its so long!

[lovexlaugh]

Thanks, Dora. He is the first person I have met (or dated) who can sleep as late as 2:30, so its hard for me to understand. What kinds of interests would you suggest?

[DreamP346]

I know this is annoying, but if this is the only problem in your relationship, then you are blessed. This is his personality. He is not going to change. You can't make him. To avoid frustration, don't plan your life around his sleep pattern. Go to work. When you come home, he will just be waking up. Then you are happy you got to make some extra money and he is happy he got his sleep. Don't plan your day with the expectation he will wake up early. That will lead to frustration and resentment.

If he is sleeping this much, more than likely his body needs it.

[KMonte85]

I don't think he's sleeping because he's disinterested or bored in the relationship as dora has said.

He probably is legitimately tired and catching up on sleep. I totally understand where you're coming from though, lovexlaugh. My husband is the SAME way. He could sleep until 2:30/3p on weeekends easily. I, on the other hand, would consider waking up 7:30 or 8a sleeping in! I used to get irritated by this, especially when we weren't seeing each other much when I was away at school.

I've since learned to deal with it by doing my own thing. If he needs the sleep, he should sleep (within reason of course). So I use the time in the mornings to get things done that I want to do, so we have quality time together later in the day. sp had a good suggestion... go to work, make some extra cash, and then by the time he's up and feeling well rested, you two can go about your day/evening both having done something beneficial.

[Guest]

I went along until I read the post that said "he's probably just catching up on sleep...". did you know that is not humanly possible?

Frankly, your concern(s) are a HUGE red flag for me and a primary reason that I wouldn't move in together.

You are in a long distance relationship now...Let him relocate with a secure job and place of his own while you date for a while in close proximity to each other. Tell him to sign a six month lease and use that time to see if you are really compatible.

Living closer to each other will mean more frequent time spent together during the week that neither of you have experienced before and who knows, you may drive each other crazy.

If I were you, I'd take it one step at a time...

[jns]

Living with being chronically sleep deprived, I understand sleeping more once in a while to get things more on an even keel. During the week I usually sleep 5 to 6 hours a night, so on the weekend, if I haven't been out seeing bands until 2 a.m., I'll get an hour or maybe two of extra sleep. When I go on vacation, it is often to the countryside in Southeast Asia, where I will sleep 8 to 10 hours a night. Lately I've been going to a place without electric power lines. I'm asleep an hour or two after dark and wake up at the crack of dawn.

[WickedVegasINk]

I can understand where he is coming from, because I like to sleep in on weekends as well...and every now and then I will sleep as late as 12pm! Usually that's because I stayed up until 2 am playing video gamed though. Still, that's just part of what makes me who I am.

Maybe he just enjoys getting that extra rest since he can't do it any other time. I know I do! Maybe he has a mild form of depression. It could be that his body needs it, though I doubt though it. hIf his body needs the extra rest, he wouldn't still feel so crappy once he wakes up. Sleeping too much will cause you to wake up feeling even more tired than when you went to sleep. Been there, felt that! More than likely it's just that he likes being able to sleep in like that, and takes the opportunity to do so.

Whatever the reason, I doubt he's going to change it. But that's part of being in a relationship...we find ways to cope with things we don't like about our mate, and just accept them for who they are. That's what love is...putting up with all the quirks and annoying habits, looking past the "don't likes" to what you DO like about them, and seeing that it completely and utterly outweighs the suff you don't. Loving someone isn't just about a feeling...it's about choices. Choosing to accept a habit or personality trait you don't like because it just so happens to be bundled with all the stuff you do is one of those choices. Not allowing that dislike of the habit/trait to color your general treatment of them and affect your relationship is another.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with you...that's probably just what he always did, and will always do. You can either choose to accept it or try to change it, but I guarantee you that that will, at the very least, cause more strife between you, and at worst cause your relationship to deteriorate to the breaking point.

Then again, this is all just my viewpoint and opinion. I can only hope that you glean something from it that might help you sort this out.

Hope you find a solution to your dilemna that works for the both of you!

[anonimousey]

My boyfriend lives about 10-15 minutes away from me (by car), and we see each other once a week as well (which is pathetic, I hate it). Anyway, he works nights and I work in the daytime. So when he comes over on the weekend I'm exhausted and ready to sleep at about 8, whereas he is wide awake and finds it difficult to sleep.

I completely understand where you're coming from, I know it from both sides. Just let him be. If there's no underlying medical problem (like depression or even anemia) then let him sleep. You guys obviously have different internal clocks, maybe with time you'll sync.

My mom is a morning person, always has been. She likes to get everything done before 12, having to wait around drives her crazy. We're all weird and different.

[eugene83]

I think you're obsessing too much about it, live a normal life, don't depend on his sleeping program. By doing so, you will only get your relationship experience worst and a bad breakup in the end.

Take care

My boyfriend of 2 years lives 2 hours away. We see each other on weekends, and he's trying to get a job transfer to my town so we can move in together. He's a great guy, but I always get so frustrated with his sleeping problems! He'll go to sleep at the same time as me - usually 10 or 11. I wake up the next morning about 9, but he just sleeps and sleeps and sleeps! Usually I have to wake him up myself about 11, when I'm so frustrated about just lying there for hours. One time I left him, and he didn't wake up til 2:30! I've talked to him about it, and he says its because he wakes up early for work (about 6) and likes to sleep in on weekends. And after he wakes up, he complains that hes soooo tired (even though he's had at least 12 hours sleep) and refuses to get out of bed. He wants to stay in bed and cuddle. Which would be fine, if it wasn't so late. On a typical day, we don't get out of bed til midday. By the time we've eaten and showered, the days gone. I generally work from 730-1, so I spend my entire day off thinking, "I could have worked today, earned so much money, and I could have got home before he wakes up!" Because of this attitude, I'm angry with him before he even wakes up, and it causes problems. Since we dont see each other much, it frustrates me that this is how we spend our time together - me waiting for him to wake up! But I'm mostly worried about when we move in together. The occassional weekend drives me insane, if I had to deal with it every day off/holiday I woudn't cope! In every other way he is amazing and I want to spend my life with him, it just seems like such a stupid problem to come between us!
Rant over, sorry its so long!

[Trisha23]

Guys could really be like that at times especially when they don't have much responsibility yet like having to attend a baby. His sleeping habit is fine as long as that is only the problem you got with him. He will eventually change in the future when he has so much things to do.