[Foxy11]

I met my friend about a year or so ago and she has turned out to be the best one I have had in years. We get on so well and never fail to make each other laugh. Recently though she has accused me twice of having an affair with her husband. This is most defiantly not the case at all. I have a partner and although we are going through a rough time at the moment I do love him. Thing is the one time in a year and a half her husband and I were on our own for an hour he confided in me that she had been having an affair for 2 years behind his back. I have never told her that he told me as he is a friend as well and didn't want to break his confidence. I look at him as an older brother and have a lot of respect for him for staying with her as If I was in that situation i would have left. I honestly don't know wether to feel angry or upset about her accusing me. I very rarely speak to her husband when we are not together as a group but if we do send the occasional text message all hell breaks loose. She speaks to my partner through text or calling several times a week and this does not bother me as i trust them both. I don't know what to think about it really. I'm sure it is because she is feeling guilty for her affair but now I have worries that she is accusing me because herself and my partner are starting something. He does not let me see the messages they send each other but he assures me they are innocent. Her husband and I have been speaking more recently as he has the same suspicions as i do. I feel like its all a dramatic soap opera and I just want it to end. Any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Alex HPS]

Some people can only see what is in their own mind.

The thief thinks everyone is out to steal his/her valuables, for example and the cheater thinks everyone is cheating on them.

She makes you laugh but she also makes you upset. Is it really worth it, after all your own words were "I want it to end"...

You've only been friends for a year so it's not like there is a massive history that you will be sacrificing.

My own approach would be to leave her to her messed up world before she messed up mine.

Alex

[Foxy11]

Thank you for your reply Alex
Thing Is its not so easy to walk away. I met her at my current job and I love it as it is a good company to work for.
We get on so well and I don't want to loose her friendship, however I do agree with you that if it carries on it will mess up my world. She accuses him of cheating, wether it be with me or another woman. He often calls or texts me now as he has no-one else to talk to. She does not know this though. Although I agree with what he tells me I just listen and give him someone to vent to when he needs, he has done the same for me. She has no idea that she has pushed him and I closer as friends than we were before. The thing that concerns me is that she and my partner still speak daily and I don't know what to think about it all.

Do as I say not as I do comes to mind at this point.

I hate to say that it's like an episode of wife swap at the moment. We all socialise regularly and always enjoy ourselves but when her husband is talking and I look at him I see her staring at us to see... Actually I don't know what she is trying to see.

She is pushing him away and he has had enough, I just don't know wether to be a friend to her and tell her what she is doing or be a friend to him and let them sort it themselves? I fear if I do tell her then she is going to accuse me again and I won't get anywhere with it anyway.

Why can things never be simple?

[time2discover]

It's all up to you at this point. Knowing that she's cheating on her husband and you say you trust her with yours. I was that naive once. And your husband doesn't want you to see the texts he's getting from her? Definitely something wrong there! If they're so innocent, he'd be the first one to show them to you, just so he could show you that your paranoid. Believe me, this mix is going to wind up a big reality slap soon. Trust your instincts and confront him about it. When it comes to her, I really don't think your feelings are very high on her priority list. Do you really want a friend like that?

Clear it all up for your sake!

[Alex HPS]

Thank you for your reply Alex
Thing Is its not so easy to walk away. I met her at my current job and I love it as it is a good company to work for.
We get on so well and I don't want to loose her friendship, however I do agree with you that if it carries on it will mess up my world. She accuses him of cheating, wether it be with me or another woman. He often calls or texts me now as he has no-one else to talk to. She does not know this though. Although I agree with what he tells me I just listen and give him someone to vent to when he needs, he has done the same for me. She has no idea that she has pushed him and I closer as friends than we were before. The thing that concerns me is that she and my partner still speak daily and I don't know what to think about it all.

Do as I say not as I do comes to mind at this point.

I hate to say that it's like an episode of wife swap at the moment. We all socialise regularly and always enjoy ourselves but when her husband is talking and I look at him I see her staring at us to see... Actually I don't know what she is trying to see.

She is pushing him away and he has had enough, I just don't know wether to be a friend to her and tell her what she is doing or be a friend to him and let them sort it themselves? I fear if I do tell her then she is going to accuse me again and I won't get anywhere with it anyway.

Why can things never be simple?

LOL, there IS a simple answer but you choose not to take it because you don't want to lose her friendship.

Sorry but to me this is like a slowmotion car crash. I can see what is going to happen but I can't stop watching...

I can see why she think syou two are cheating. You are giving him everything he needs except sex. Probably won't be too long before he make some sort of move. The danger is if you think "well she already thinks we're cheating, so why not?".

Not that I'm suggesting you are 'easy' that way of course, just that it's only one or two steps from where you are now to where she think s you already are.

Ok, here's my 100% objective view (god it's easy to be objective when it's not your own life):

You stand to gain: Her continued friendship.
You stand to lose: Your husband and your job (possible if the brown stuff really hits the fan).

Seems like an easy choce to me. After all, you only have to begin to be less 'available' to her and her man, then you can add more distance in incremental steps so that she doesn't pick up on your change in attitude. You don't have to cut her off dead.

The pleasant work environment can still be a reality, but you don't have to walk a tightrope over the pit at the same time.

Just a guess but I get the feeling you don't have many friends, otherwise you wouldn't risk everything just to have a friend in her (a distrustful, cheating woman).

If you DO have lots of friends then why bother with this toxic one?

Alex

[Foxy11]

What can I say... You have said everything that is going on in my head.

We have been becoming close, him and I. We have only become that way since she has accused us of cheating, I suppose because she has given us something in common and more to talk about. I will admit I have had thoughts about him and I and I'm sure he has but none that either of us want to act upon or would even discuss with each other.

I can see it all happening in slow motion as well and even though its my life I can't look away lol!

Fortunately I have many friends but none that i get on with as i do her. Apart from talking to her husband I would never go there cause I know how it would end and what I would loose.

She once walked in her kitchen and started shouting at her husband and I saying we were standing too close. We were playing solitaire on my iPad!!! She admitted to my partner that she knew nothing was going on and felt ashamed of the way she had acted. She never admitted it to me or her husband though.

My god writing it down it sounds like a crappy film script lol.

Actually I now feel slightly stupid, reading it back it sounds like I'm the idiot and the one that stands to loose a lot more than her.

Seems that I'm playing chicken with myself and I'm always going to loose. Really can't thank you enough for taking the time to reply and give me your opinion on it

[Alex HPS]

My pleasure. You sound like a nice person and I hope this works out in the best way for all concerned.

Alex

[Foxy11]

As do I Alex. Thanks again, I'm sure i will post again when it goes **** up lol.

Without sounding big headed, I always try to please everyone and forget about myself. Either that's a flaw or a good thing.... In this situation I do not know.

Watch this space lol

Xx

[Trisha23]

I think you better confront both your partners. It is not healthy for a relationship to always have suspicions so better settle things once and for all.