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Abandoned after abortion he wanted and I'm a mess please help

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  • Abandoned after abortion he wanted and I'm a mess please help

    Hello I started seeing trent for 2 months then he disappears on me I was told he went back to his ex girlfriend I moved on he came back into my life I believed his lies so I decided we should be friends we still were sleeping together this has gone on for 6 months I fell for him even tho I felt he was my best friend he was a player I knew he didn't have respect for woman but I thought I was different as we did have a good friendship I did everything for him we stayed at each others houses during week days weekends i rarely saw him I started to feel a bit used and wanted to stop the sex and just be friends he agreed but then i found out i was 4 weeks pregnant I was torn he straight away wanted an abortion so I agreed it was for the best for the baby as we were never going to be a couple and I couldn't raise it on my own and he would prob be in and out of the child's life he was so great and supportive told me he would always be there for me as a friend and I was his best mate but I started to want the baby he started to distanced himself 2 nights before the abortion he told me this baby made him realize he wanted and loved his ex and they getting back together but we would still be friends I was happy for them he promised I could stay with him to recover and he would look after me and we get through this together but once it was over we would just be friends the night before the abortion I was meant to stay he said no I don't want to be friends anymore I take you tomorrow but I deserve to be happy and my future girlfriend doesn't want you around I was in shock it wasn't the friend I loved he came with me to the clinic i wanted to run when i saw my ultra sound i was 6 weeks but i went through with it trent showed no support or comfort and was mean at clinic afterward dumped me said he needed to sort his live and i needed to get a life and stop being dramatic it was just an abortion and to get over it and maybe in future we could be friends I was heartbroken and begging him to look after me for the night, I managed to drive to my sisters and stayed there I tried to reach out to him as i was struggling with regret and guilt but he said I need to stop caring about him and stop calling him I said I needed him and we need to recover through this together as his loss too he said we not a couple and it was just a seed and not a baby and I got other friends that can support me and just to let him be, I'm so confused why he doing this ??

  • you said he has no respect for women that means he will treat you like an object no matter what!
    Honey he used you big time I'm sorry. But he wanted you to get rid of the baby so probably he would not have to pay child support and he tricked you his whole plan basically was to get rid of you and be with his ex he sounds like a horrible person that manipulated you big time ):


    • I'm sorry you have gone through this .

      How long has this been ?
      Meaning, I understand the 2 months then the him Disappearing then the 6 months.. But how long has this been since you started with him ?

      And How Long ago was this was it recent ?
      Also how old are you ?

      It sounds as if you are young and this is the First "BF/ Crush/ Friend with Benefits that you've ever had. And Sadly this is how us Women Learn. How we learn to not be so Free with our Bodies, how we learn not to be so free with our Hearts . How we learn to Love Ourselves and Respect Ourselves, before we can Learn to Love a Mate and Have kids and Grow old Together .

      I'm sorry you had to make the Choice to Abort and that you feel remorseful, but from what you said, it was possibly for the best . Take some time and use the Search button here on WH and search Abortions, you will find many people who feel as you do now, you will find Support from ones that made that choice and those who didn't.
      And I hope that someday you find someone who loves you as your are, one that will be much more than a Friend. Much more than a Friend that wants Sex and then leaves you ..
      You deserve so much better .


      • Hi Jade, welcome to WH.

        You know, in life we go through so much as girls honestly we do. Our picture of a "guy" usually is a Father figure, someone who loves us as a princess. At least that is what we hope.. Even if our Father was not what we hoped for, the movies help us out, as kids.

        But, boys are different. They take 4 years (apparently) more to mature than we do, they certainly do use but you have to remember as a girl, if you continue a relationship, in a sexual manner and really are not getting what you are totally after than some blame of (silly) has to go to you.

        He was never over his ex. You were someone he felt (comfortable) with, but he was never over his ex.

        In my opinion what he did was cruel and it really does show you his true colours doesn't it? Imagine the rest of your life having to have him in it. In a way, it's a blessing.. It is in-excusable to "pretend" to care, then leave you alone. It is a coward that pretends and then ensures that you go through with it, and then nicks off immediately.

        This is not honestly someone worthy of all that love that you have inside and it's evident that you do sweet. Just, as much as we want to love and give it, sometimes we have to restrict it until we know for sure, they are worthy of receiving it.

        I am terribly sorry what you had to go through. But, I want you to sit back and say "yes", I am indeed worth more than someone like you and why therefore would I even want you as a friend...

        This person lied. There is no room for liers in my world. As, hard as you think it will be, you will come to see and realise he's not worth the time of day, from today onwards.

        What is worse for a guy? When the girl never, ever, ever, speaks to him again.. It crushes his ego

        Work on recovering ok... Stand tall and know that there is that guy around the corner, the one that will treat you right and he will be the Father of your child and you will have the love you want and expect and deserve.


        • Thanks every one for your messages everyday I'm getting stronger and realize I did the right thing for the baby my step mum told me that was a selfless act all my family and friends have been wonderful and I have started counseling also started no contact with trent deleted his number i remember the last 3 digits so if he calls or txt i know to ignore etc his ex inboxed me calling me a sad loser i never replied she deserves him as what girl would take a guy back that left a girl pregnant spoke with his cousin who told me hes been this way since a child selfish and made up lies and has ruined alot of girls by playing them all tho i was the only one to fall pregnant even if he was to message me and apologies I won't reply as I'm moving on

          ** baby girl

          I'm 29 was married and divorced at 21 , 2nd relationship 3 years also ended in abortion at 24 my family and bf talked me into this and now 5 years later with trent 8 months ends in abortion this happened last week feb 2013 I don't understand why I let guys treat me like this as I know they are treating me bad feel like i dont derserve better and lose my self my confidence my dreams and goals in their world why coz i want to be accepted and the one to change them I'm sick of the game i always go out of my way to help and please others I will be 30 this year and never will I let a guy do this again big reality check time to grow up and make myself happy as I want to settle down and find love and finally be able to have a child born into love x


          • Also does anything think later on in life weather it's a birth of his first child or another abortion he will feel any emotions for what I went through ?


            • Yes I believe he will feel something at some point in time


              • hi JG(jade girl)

                i dont know i ve been seeing since school days college days,

                women fall for liars, fakes, i dont know the reasons but i know they get carried away by the way they talk i guess

                I don't understand why I let guys treat me like this
                thats ur weakness because u r craving for love,

                when ur craving becomes very intense u become blind (i'm using non tech terms), n start believing guys who hit on u coz u think at that point u ll not get better person coz of ur past experience or doomed future( u think)

                if u remember correctly whenever u had such bad experience u wud have ignored some of ur wellwishers(friends, brother,sister,mother etc) n u wud have blasted them for those guys who cheated

                start thinking

                i ve to go bye


                • Guess I do suffer from abandonment issue due to parents divorce my dad left me and moved to another country my mum married a new guy focus her attention on him and my husband left me for another girl and I haven't dealt with it and cling to people sometimes but dealing with that now as i grow as a person as I don't want my child to feel that pain guess time heals old wounds I'm stronger everyday was just so hurt to grieve lost of baby and someone I thought cared about me I was in total shock I know I'm as much to blame but I would leave someone in there time of need I believe in karma hopefully he gets his and one day can see all the pain he had caused


                  • I believe in karma as well and don't worry he will get his (:


                    • I'm 29 so old enough to know better but always get played used and dumped but get stuck and caught up in their lies etc i know i let them walk over me I'm now seeking counseling for why as may be some unresolved issues so I can be stronger enough to walk away I'm very hurt I was left to deal with my recovery alone all I wanted was my friend who was apart of this to hug and talk through it I now have concerns he may have wanted the baby but was scared to amitted it and left me to deal with the pain and guilt thanks the web sites are helping move on


                      • I'm 29 was married and divorced at 21 , 2nd relationship 3 years also ended in abortion at 24 my family and bf talked me into this and now 5 years later with trent 8 months ends in abortion
                        You will get through this , as you did your first abortion...

                        Something to think about..

                        While you are healing and this may take years to accept the choices you made as for the best, very hard choices. Can you promise yourself that you will use protection from now on ? That Preventing a pregnancy ( until ready to be a Mother ) is so much easier than Aborting ?

                        In your next relationship, don't have Sex or at least unprotected sex, until you know him well enough that he will stand by you, should you get pregnant . In your next relationship, have that talk with him. What if I get Pregnant, how will you feel , how will we deal with it, will you want the Child, Will we raise it together ? This does not mean ask him if you get pregnant will he marry you , but you will get an answer as to whether he is the type of man to stand up and take responsibility, should a Pregnancy arise .

                        I'm sure, well it sounds like it, that someday you do want a child ? It's time you get Picky as to who you have Sex with. It's time you , when it's time , that you start protecting yourself from Pregnancy , until you have found the man that wants to share your life and raise a child with you .

                        Abortion is not Birth Control, it's a choice you make, just as demanding him using a Condom or no Sex, just as using Spermicide or Birth Control pill . They are all choices that you should now think seriously about, before engaging in Sex with any man, from now on .

                        We understand your pain , your loneliness, your desire to be loved and supported, to find that someone to share life with and maybe raise a family . But it's time you Love and Respect yourself enough to make better choices in Men , have your Goals recognized, Be firm on what kind of man you want, be honest with him and tell him what you feel and ask how he feels about having children .

                        If he says no kids,or we will take care of it ( abort it ) then , if you want kids , he's not the Man for you . From now on, only you can decide if you will ever have to go through another Abortion again. Only you can decide if you have Unprotected Sex , ever again . Only You can decide if you will be Used and Abandoned, Ever Again !!!

                        Time to put you first, so you can and will be a Happy and Healthy Mother , when the time does come to have a Child.


                        • hi Jade girl
                          consider me ur brother

                          FIRST OF ALL - its not ur fault, please understand

                          u were abanded by ur parents, then by ur boyfriends,

                          PLEASE DONT GET INTO ANY RELATIONSHIP FOR A WHILE ( may be months or a year )

                          relationships are headaches,

                          get urself involved in some good activities ( music, drawing, sports, etc etc) reconstruct urself

                          then make ur mind strong,

                          u shud be able to judge people by seeing them, until then dont get into any relationship


                          • Thanks brother Yeah def not jumping into any relationship or casual sex this has destroyed me I feel alone it hurts that trent has gone on with his life with no care about the damage his has done i have a feeling he will come try come back like nothing happened just got to be strong and not give in I feel im stuck dealing with the stress and trying to look after myself I'm back to work tomorrow so hopefully get a sence of normal life again


                            • hi JG (jade girl)
                              im really happy u ve accepted certain things ( 10 yrs back same thing happened to my cousin whom i cared so much but she continued to do what she wanted, not listening to me coz she had anxiety, got into lot of trouble REAL TROUBLE, i risked my life n saved her when she was about to be murdered, and when she realised, he threatened me that i would be murdered for her...... things went on like that for months then underworld settlement.. then relived). Now she is married fine with a kid.

                              BEWARE OF VIDEO CAPTURING TOO

                              pls wait for the right partner

                              I feel im stuck dealing with the stress
                              1/2 ur prob will get solved if u stay FOCUSED on ur work,

                              try to do simple things like drawing, singing, dancing, etc etc

                              i know it is very difficult without sex after tasted it but BE VERY VERY CAREFUL, dont let u r mind wander

                              U R GONA HAVE A VERY GOOD LIFE, JUST WAIT OK?
                              i ve 2 leave bye tc



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