[lilay86]

People have been telling me that my art therapy program will change me. My supervisor has told me my friends will change etc. I thought that was drastic.

Anyways, my boyfriend is having some friends over this weekend. I was disappointed because I've been so busy with school, internship, work, interviews, living on my own with my boyfriend (cleaning, cooking,), then having to fulfill major family obligations.... it's been overwhelming lately. I don't get a real break till June! No spring break for me =( So I was hoping Saturday night I could relax. But I can't, because people are coming over and one of the wants to bring a girl I don't really like. For some reason I was upset because I did not have any say in it. It's my place too. But I opened my big mouth anyways. I told my boyfriend, "Why does John have to bring Danielle over? I don't like her! She's always so needy and hoards all the attention for herself. What's worse is that all of your friends, Sam, Bill, & Frank all enable her!" I tried so hard to talk to her, but she doesn't care about me. She just wants all the attention to herself. I think it's ridiculous that I have to be left in the dark for some girl that has major attention seeking needs to fulfill her own insecurities. I just don't feel like dealing with that. I'm not jealous and I know I have my own insecurities (mild social anxiety), but I guess it's because I deal with needy and dependent people everywhere and I've grew up in a lifestyle of being a caretaker for my brother with autism and mental retardation and a dad with a rare form of dementia, and a mother & sister who come to me with all the problems and worries. I work at a job with customer service (you all should know how that goes!), and other my field of work is with patients with special needs and mental illnesses, etc. When I'm with my patients and students, the feeling is separate. But when it comes to my family lately, friends, even my boyfriend, who all want something from me when I don't get anything back, sucks and drains the life out of me! My friends always want to talk to me about their problems (they never listen to mine, I've learned to not try anymore), so I feel like their therapist. Friends also always want to use little things from me and always come to me for HW help. My family... yeah I already went into. My boyfriend is great, but sometimes he's needy too. I know I'm needy in some ways, but I guess I feel like my own basic needs aren't been met. My supervisor at my internship does not even do her job lately because she lets her personal life interfere with her professional life -that's a whole another story where she doesn't even help me & I do a lot of work -blah.

So my boyfriend texted John and said not to bring her over. I feel like the bad guy and regretted expressing my opinions and probably ruining friendship dynamics. Or maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing. I feel bad too easily and over-reflect on my behaviors, thoughts, and emotions.

[Pollon]

As a therapist, you will have to learn to recognize your boundaries, respect them and enforce them in a respectful way. It is okay to put up protection for yourself. If you do it politely and respectfully, most people will understand. Other people will hate it, get offended and sometimes even retaliate. There is nothing you can do about the later except be thankful that they are not going to be in your life anymore.

One of the problems or benefits of being a therapist is that you recognize dysfunctional behavior and boundary violators for what they are. Then you have to decide whether to keep those people in your lives or figure out how to remove them.

It is OK to tell your man that you have been really busy and need some time to decompress. Don't feel guilty for letting people know what you need so long as you do it respectfully.

Good luck

[Claret]

I guess I have a couple of question. Will there now be other females present at this get-together? Was she the only other female besides yourself that was going to be present? Did your boyfriend not ask you about having people in that evening? Would he normally not ask permission, but perhaps find out if you had anything planned for the two of you that evening? Would this not be common curtesy to each other to not plan events that involve the two of you without checking to ensure that you are available?

If she was the only other female invited (through your boyfriend) then I think I'd do exactly as you have done here - un-invite her. If she was one of a couple of females, then I would have left things alone. I'd then speak to my boyfriend and ask him not to plan events without you having some say in the matter as to the nature of the get-together, the timing of the get-together and who to invite.

[Trisha23]

It's alright that you tell your husband what you really feel rather than eventually burst into anger when you feel that you have enough and you can't take it anymore.