[vw95]

im not one to typically ask for relationship help but its driving me nuts and i need some clear heads to give me their opinion....if u want.
what would you make of a man who seems to be completely unsure of whether he wants to love you or not. because hes scared??? even if you've known him for a year and have proven to him that you love him and your not a cheat like his x?? should i walk? im a beliver in if you want it fight for it. ik he loves me ik he wants me but he cant make up his mind... on to go thru with it and im getting annoyed n it kinda hurts. we been thru a lots. especailly lately but...i thought we worked things out. idk what to do....im always a fighter for what i want i always fight till the end. its something resulting from my childhood....i hate losing people absolutely hate it and so its hard for me to understand why he wont fight for me or why he's so scared...ik what his x did to him..but he knows what mine did to me....and if i can trust him enough to love him then he can right? its just hard for me to understand. we've had two conversations that..well one he mentioned that he talked bout me to a coworker who literally asked him if he was gunna put a ring on my finger....(so that tells me he does love me and that he talks about me in such a way that a coworker asks him that...that says something right???) but then lastnight he kinda shoved me off on me coming down there to b with him....we've been talking bout it for months! almost a year....and the next thing ik i ask him if he still wants me to and he says idk...???? i dont know what to think.... or do..part of me says walk if he loves you really like he says he'll fight for you. part of me though im just not someone who quites on ppl. im not one to give up easily....idk what to do im soo stuck and he's confusing me...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, a lifetime.

When someone questions their relationship in my opinion over and over, it's from fear, fear of loss. Yet, when two people just live within their relationship, never worry about the future, what it holds, but enjoys the now and all that it entails, the relationship in my opinion just gets stronger and stronger...

What I am trying to say is, I feel that there could be a form of pushing for the L word from him, pushing for a higher commitment. And, he is questioning therefore as a result, whether you are the one for the rest of his life, or if he is not ready to do that, and is confused, not of any feelings per say just the fact he has to decide and that is what I think he is feeling.

Live in the present. Forget yoru past. And, the future will take care of itself whether it is with this person or someone else.

Too many people don't really get to bond and laugh and love in a relationship through their own fear of loss.

There is no need to fight for someone if you are in a relationship that is enjoyable in every way..

[vw95]

im not pushing the love word on him. he has told me himself many times. i never force ppl to feel for me. either they do or don't. just how it is.
i get what you mean....
just want him to move over his fear... i was able to....idk its just hard when they live so far from you.
n i have moved from what happened back then and i asked him if we could just start over with a clean slate...but im not sure he is willing to....

[BabyGirl]

I hope Sincerely this is not Offensive, but I semi edited your post to something I could read easier,as I'm older than most here , Near 60 .. And just catching up with some of the newer Text Lingo ..

I'm not one to typically ask for relationship help but its driving me nuts and I need some clear heads to give me their opinion....if you want?

What would you make of a man who seems to be completely unsure of whether he wants to love you or not. because hes scared?
Even if you've known him for a year and have proven to him that you love him and your not a cheat like his Ex?

Should I walk?
I'm a believer in if you want it fight for it. I know he loves me I know he wants me but he cant make up his mind on to go thru with it and I'm getting annoyed and it kinda hurts.
We've been thru a lot,especially lately but...I thought we worked things out. I don't know what to do?

I'm always a fighter for what I want,I always fight till the end. Its something resulting from my childhood.
I hate losing people absolutely hate it and so its hard for me to understand why he wont fight for me or why he's so scared?I know what his ex did to him,but he knows what mine did to me and if i can trust him enough to love him then he can right?

Its just hard for me to understand. We've had two conversations that,Well, one he mentioned that he talked about me to a coworker who literally asked him if he was gonna put a ring on my finger ?
So that tells me he does love me and that he talks about me in such a way that a coworker asks him that ? That says something right?

But then last night he kinda shoved me off on me coming down there to be with him..
We've been talking about it for months, almost a year and the next thing I know I asked him if he still wants me to and he says I don't know?

I don't know what to think or do? Part of me says walk if he loves you really like he says he'll fight for you. Part of me though I'm just not someone who quits on ppl. I'm not one to give up easily. I don't know what to do.I'm soo stuck and he's confusing me...

So, hopefully to help you out and have others try to help.
Lets start with a couple of Questions .

1) Is this an " Only " Long Distance Relationship ?
You mentioned he " shoved " you off for you coming down to be with him and you have been talking about it for months, almost a year .

2) If a Long Distance one .
Have you ever met in person or is this all Skype and online type relationship ?
This I ask because many people fall in " Love " over words,but not Actions.

3) If you have met or used to be closer ( location ) how and why did one of you have to relocate ?
Also was your Love for each other "said" in person and the time spent learning that Love in person ?

4) You mention an Ex ?
Then you state she cheated on him.That is reason enough for him to be scared,scared to be hurt again,scared to commit again. You also mentioned you'd been through allot lately,but thought that was " Worked Out ?

5)You Say you are a Fighter,learned from Childhood. You hate "losing " people !
Honey this is about You not him.
He doesn't have to fight for you in an uncommitted relationship and you should not have to " Fight " for him to love you and want to be with you .

When he says " I Don't Know " . Believe him .
He is not sure right now, he is not sure if he is ready with you or any other woman !

I don't know what to think or do?
Part of me says walk if he loves you really like he says he'll fight for you. Part of me though I'm just not someone who quits on ppl. I'm not one to give up easily. I don't know what to do.I'm soo stuck and he's confusing me...:

Again ...I'm pointing out and hopefully not in a rude way ..
I feel..
You would need to determine things about You first,with this,I mean in the fact that you are that " Fighter,Cannot Let Go, Absolutely Hate Losing or having People leave you ".

But can you let go of ones that are not beneficial or ones who are not nonreciprocating your needs in life at this time ?

This includes..

completely unsure of whether he wants to love you or not

Love yourself First . All else will follow .

[vw95]

I hope Sincerely this is not Offensive, but I semi edited your post to something I could read easier,as I'm older than most here , Near 60 .. And just catching up with some of the newer Text Lingo ..

haha no your not offending. Sorry i forget sometime to not use text talk. bad habit. I appreciate someone your age and with your experience in life coming on and helping me, i dont really have an adult to go to about this and kids my age wouldn't be best to ask for advice. (i do hv an adult but she doesn't like him lol). I'm sorry if i sound defensive i just want ppl to understand even tho its as crazy as it sounds. it scared us even. but we talked lastnight so i know now whats going thru his head. he just goes thru fazes where he wont tell me n then one day he'll open up and sometimes it hard waiting for him to open up. One of my bad qualities i am working on. Thank you.


1) Is this an " Only " Long Distance Relationship ?
You mentioned he " shoved " you off for you coming down to be with him and you have been talking about it for months, almost a year .
not a relationship but we have feelings have had for long time.

2) If a Long Distance one .
Have you ever met in person or is this all Skype and online type relationship ?
This I ask because many people fall in " Love " over words,but not Actions.
Yes i hve met him in person and skyped and emailed and texted and such. no he doesn't live where i do. when i met him he was stuck here where i live not able tog et home had been here for few months. .....This is why its so hard for me to explain......like i said it was one of those ridiculous story book type things where all you have is a meet and some conversation and u just know. and it is not only me. I do want to make this clear to you guys i am not forcing ANYTHING on him. i never did and still am not. he says he loves me he has told me himself not because i asked him or hinted that i wanted him to. When i first realized i loved him i never said anything to him because i didn't know if he felt anything. I never say the L word unless i know for sure that 1. its ok. 2. i actually feel it. 3. if he does to. i have not forced anything upon him. I'm not like that or that desperate of a leech. ik women like that and it ****es me off i do not do that to people. please understand this you guys.. I'm not forcing the situation. And ik it sounds ridiculous that we love each other even from a distance and only having met each other once. but there was something there. something we didn't notice but our hearts did. (not only my words either). Ik it sounds story bookish. even we admit that. it scared us when it started but we decided to keep going. and we r perfect literally. all it is is he's scared. but i dont need help anymore cause he n i talked and ik whats scaring him and whats going on. please undersand none of this was forced on either him or me by hom or me. our hearts just knew. as crazy as it sounds. just knew.

4) You mention an Ex ?
Then you state she cheated on him.That is reason enough for him to be scared,scared to be hurt again,scared to commit again. You also mentioned you'd been through allot lately,but thought that was " Worked Out ?
yes some ups and downs.

5)You Say you are a Fighter,learned from Childhood. You hate "losing " people !
Honey this is about You not him.
i didnt mean to make it sound like that..i just idk how to explain it. but i do know when and how to just let go.

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[CHANDLERS WISH]

n i have moved from what happened back then and i asked him if we could just start over with a clean slate...but im not sure he is willing to....

Please explain

Also, how long has he now been a "long distant" relationship with you and can you advise how many times you talk during a week and how you both feel when you do.

Just as BG is, trying to get more of a picture.

[vw95]

Please explain

Also, how long has he now been a "long distant" relationship with you and can you advise how many times you talk during a week and how you both feel when you do.

Just as BG is, trying to get more of a picture.

i know. we talk when ever we can last month or so been almost every other day. he's work schedule is crazy. hes up when im alseep because he does graveyard and im up when hes asleep. it really depends on when but when i do i get an hour or two. which is nice cause for long time it'd be a week or more.
....well met in may he left beginning of july so since july, minds to tired to add already did enough math today.

[vw95]

but we have talked about whats going on and why he's scared so now i have a clearer picture when i posted this i didn't so all these thoughts were running thru my head. im really ok now.

[Trisha23]

Just try to be a little more patient. If you can still take it, give him more time and let him always feel that you love him.