Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Need Advice With This Situation Regarding My Ex.

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Need Advice With This Situation Regarding My Ex.

    First off, I'm going to provide some background regarding this. I met him when I was sixteen and he was seventeen. I would go with my grandma to her occasional doctor's appointments and then would go to eat at the restaurant my aunt worked at at the time. One time after we ate there my aunt told me that someone saw me and was interested in me. Shortly after that he and I started dating. I told him at the beginning of the relationship that I had no intention of sleeping with him. We dated a few months and did end up messing around, but didn't have sex. After a few months, there is a little over a week that I don't hear anything from him (we talked every day up until then if we didn't get to see each other). I hear from my aunt that he told her I was a good girl and he quits working at the restaurant around the same time and he leaves without saying anything to me. About a year later, I see him at a gas station while out of town with my mom and sister. He says hello to me, but we didn't get a chance to talk. Two years later my mother passes away and for some reason I feel the need to call him and I call his grandparents (who he lived with while we were dating) and left the info on my mother's services. The next evening, he comes over and we talk a little inside. We walk out to his car, he asks me why I called him and he tells me that if anything, it would be him coming back to me. I told him I wasn't sure why I called him. He was dating someone at the time, but remained in touch with him for a few weeks after that and then lost contact with him. I ended up moving to the next town over and didn't see or hear from him again, but thought of him quite frequently. Two years after that I ended marrying a friend who helped me care for my terminally ill father. We married the following year after my dad passed away. We've had our ups and downs, but it's been a good relationship and we now have a two year old daughter. I have still thought of my ex over the years, but not as frequently. Well, about a year ago I started having this person keep saying hello to me every time they would walk by. It would happen about once a month and then about a month ago he says hello while passing me at the store while I was working. I was only able to say hello back before he disappeared from my sight. A little over a week ago I took my daughter to my workplace to buy her some socks. While I'm showing socks to my daughter, I keep seeing someone in a blue shirt look down the aisle. I think nothing about it and go and purchase the socks. I then go with my daughter to the thrift store next door and start looking at comforters. I sense someone standing next to me and turn to see my ex standing close behind me. It's the first time I've seen him in almost 10 years. I make a joke asking if he would like one slightly spoiled child since started to act up. Later after we left the store, I find him on Facebook and we pretty much catch up on what's happened in our lives since we last saw each other. I've been married now for 7 years and he has a steady girlfriend that he's dated for almost two years now. That being said, I've already came to the realization that I never got over him and that if I wasn't married I would probably try and get back with him. I have no intention of acting on these feelings, but it hurt more than I thought it would seeing him again. He and I have been talking casually on Facebook, but neither of has brought up our relationship yet. I believe we can do well as friends, but I still love him as more. It keeps eating at me to talk about us and I believe we're both secure enough in our relationships to be able to talk about what happened with us, but I don't know if it would be a good thing to bring up after almost ten years. Sorry for the long wall of text, but this has been really bothering me. Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance.

  • There is something missing from his side of the story and that is commitment to you. He seems OK with other relationships. He didn't seem to be willing to move the sun and the stars to be with you.

    Because there was no real end of relationship from your side, you have an open wound. First loves are are often the most intense and because there was no closure in your case, you are wondering "what if". But the fact is, there was closure, it's just that you didn't recognize it. He decided that fighting for you wasn't what he was going to do. Because he didn't do it. Several times.

    Let it go. It wasn't meant to be. Hanging on to such a relationship is just going to damage your current one.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • I appreciate your response. I've kind of had thoughts along the same lines of what you stated above. I guess one of the main things that has bothered me about this is for the passed few years, I thought I had let go and had moved on. After we lost contact shortly after my mom died, I think I had already had it in my heart to move on (plus I had other issues to deal with that kept me from having much time to come to terms with things). Of course it didn't help that one of the reasons for loss of contact was having to move due to not being able to stay at that home after her death. I guess I just found out the hard way that those feelings and emotions connected to him were just tucked away somewhere instead of being gone like I thought they were. Another thing that's bothered me and keeps creeping into my thoughts is if he never really wanted to be with me, why has he spoken to me every time he's passed me in Walmart and why did he approach me (if any one approaches me I've always taken it to mean they want me to acknowledge them or something similar). I've wanted to ask him about these things, but probably never will. Whether he stays in my life this time or not, these are just some things I'm going to have to deal with and work out. I thank you again for your response.

      Comment


      • I've pretty much been able to come to terms with my feelings towards him, but I saw something that really surprised me. His current girlfriend is almost exactly the same as I was when he and myself were together. When he called me a "good girl". I know I shouldn't be letting it bother me, but I'm just surprised about it and kind of want to ask him if he even realizes how much a like she and I are. He and I are doing pretty well with being friends now, but not sure what questions are appropriate to ask just yet. I am able to joke with him a bit, but still trying to gauge how much and what I can joke with him about. I'm just curious, though. Do the similarities between her and myself mean there's a part of him that's not completely gotten over me? What do you guys think? (Don't worry, I'm not having the same issues I was before. This question is mostly out of curiosity, but would probably help me figure the best way to talk to him and maybe help with topics I should avoid while conversing with him). Thanks again in advance.

        Comment


        • Guys often go after a "type" of girl. With some, this is from the start because they have come up with a mental picture of an ideal girl. Others it is because they have had a relationship with a girl and want one with a similar "type" of girl. Even others it is because they have a relative or friend who has the "type" of girl they idealize.

          In the case of your ex, it's hard to say unless you have had conversations with him on this subject and can be pretty sure of his thought process.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • I've wanted to talk to him about it, but the discussion will probably have to take place when we're both more stable in our friendship. I was mainly curious about this because before he dated me, he had no interest in girls like me. Even the girl he was with after he left was nothing like me. About three months ago was the first time I had seen or spoken to him in ten years. It just shocked me to see him dating someone so much like me and it's been a pretty serious relationship on top of it. Something he never even acted interested in when he left and when I saw him those two years later. It seems like I've impacted his life more than we both realized. I posted a picture of my daughter on my facebook page and the comment he made, although simple, has me thinking that there's a part of him that hasn't let go of me. Do you guys think it would be a good idea to eventually talk to him concerning the things I've talked about? I just feel it would help both of out to be able to talk about these things. I'm unsure of how or when to possibly go about it. I really appreciate the responses. Again, any advice is welcome. Thanks again in advance.

            Comment

            or

            Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

            Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

            Latest Activity On Our Forums

            Collapse

            Latest Topics On Our Forums

            Collapse

            • Sex with my daughters Boyfriend???

              Long story short, this guy has been with my daughter for 10 years. They just bought a house and had a new-born. After retiring, I've been helping out...

              06-15-2021, 09:35 PM By BlondeCougar
            • Normal to Like Significant Other Walking Around Nude in House with a Bush?

              Is it normal to like your partner to walk around fully nude in the house with a bush? To enjoy looking at "big chest" and "big behind"?...

              06-14-2021, 05:14 PM By lakeocean
            • Erotica

              I love erotica! It’s such a fun way to get off. Stimulating the mind and body at the same time. If you like to read erotica too, I’d like to know...

              06-09-2021, 12:14 PM By Zoë T.
            • Ever Tried Laser Hair Removal?

              I’m interested in getting laser hair removal for my pubic hair and armpits. I’m worried about the pain aspect of laser hair removal - if you’ve...

              06-09-2021, 11:40 AM By Zoë T.
            • Grower vs Shower

              Does anybody have experience with a guy's penis changing significantly in length when getting hard?? Or not changing at all? I've only experienced a tiny...

              06-03-2021, 04:40 PM By Julia W.
            Working...
            X